Grief
Why does fate make us suffer? There's a curse between us, between me and you.
—What Have You Done, Within Temptation
• • •
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I don’t want to believe it. I lost the baby. I lost him or her––I wasn’t even able to know its gender.
The life I’ve been carrying inside for weeks dwindles into a pool of blood. I’ve tried putting them together again, but it’s futile.
Is this one of my nightmares? If it is, I want to wake up now.
I yell the entire cuss I know and thrash around violently. No matter how many times I do it, I know that it wouldn’t bring back the life that is lost.
I had almost strangled Mira. The ingrained hatred I have for her elongates into something more intense.
It’s her fault. Everything is her fault. She’d tried apologizing incessantly and was on her knees, but I can’t bring myself to forgive her. I don’t have it in me to be forgiving.
Not right now, the wound is still fresh.
“She’d experienced so much emotional stress. And the baby’s grasp on her womb wasn’t strong. She wasn’t meticulous in taking her vitamins. And she, being careless, didn’t help,” I hear the doctor’s words. Everything she is saying is audible.
My jaw clenches, my fists curl into a ball. I feel sorrowful, devastated, angry, apprehensive, guilty, and all those tumultuous negative emotions all meshed into one.
I hate it here. I want my baby back.
Why can’t I be happy? Why can’t my pain end?
I sob helplessly. No one is around and that reminds me of how alone I am. I’m losing myself in this endless abyss.
The door burst open, revealing Earl. He frantically rushes to my side, enclosing me into a tight embrace. “It’s gonna be alright,” he whispers.
I don’t believe that everything’s going to be alright. How can everything be alright? I pull away from his embrace, “EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT?!” I bellow in disbelief, “HOW CAN IT BE ALRIGHT? WE LOST IT, EARL! WE LOST HIM… OR HER! AH SHIT, WE DON’T EVEN KNOW ITS GENDER YET!”
I am weak. So damn weak. All I do is cry and no matter how many times I weep, it wouldn’t bring the baby back.
Earl tries to keep his cool. His expression is calm. He cups his hands on my face, connecting our foreheads. “They are happy wherever they are right now,” he murmurs, taking a deep breath. “Do you think that Angel would be happy seeing their mommy miserable from above?”
His words ease me a bit. But it doesn’t erase the pain and it doesn’t change the fact that the baby is dead.
• • •
I WAKE UP, hearing the clanging of a metal. Earl is sleeping on the couch beside my bed. I see a nurse who carries a bag with something red in it, replacing the dextrose.
YOU ARE READING
If We Love Again
General Fiction[COMPLETED / 1st series] "6 words, 1 regrets: I shouldn't have let you go." - Zoe found herself stuck in the past; ten years ago when she lost her first love to circumstances. On one fateful day, their paths cross once again. She was determi...
