Savior | T. Drake ✔

[22]

As promised, Helena took great care of Irina but she didn't wake up the entire night. Helena had also gone to sleep on the couch, with her head still placed in her lap and her fingers resting gently on her forehead.

She was woken up by sounds of something crashing and sensed some movement as well so she opened her eyes to see Irina searching the whole room frantically.

She immediately got up, grabbing her by the arms tightly, "what are you doing?"

"The keys... Open the door. Right now!" Her eyes were still terror stricken as they darted around the room searching for an escape route.

"Irina, look at me," she held her still, turning her face towards her.

"Let me go! Please," she was struggling against her hold, trying her best to somehow escape.

Helena realized that she had probably not recognized her or was too traumatized to do so, "it's me. Helena. Jason's girlfriend, remember?"

She had started to tremble again as her hands reached up to grab Helena's arms in an attempt to steady herself, "Helena? But why am I here? Who brought me? And where's... Where's... Tim..."

"All in good time, dear," she made her sit down on the couch, "you have to relax first."

"Relax?" Her voice rose to an alarming pitch but was still quite unsteady, "how can I relax after all I did...? I hurt Tim, Helena, I hurt him so so bad..."

"I know," she resumed in a gentle voice, "Jason told me everything."

Her grip on Helena's arms tightened, "please tell me he's alright... He... He isn't... He isn't..." But she couldn't bring herself to complete her sentence as her voice stuck in her throat and tears streaked down her face.

Helena was trying her best to calm her down even though it was proving to be rather difficult, "he's being treated. He'll be fine soon. And then I'll take you over to see for yourself."

Irina was looking back at her with wide horrified eyes and though the tears had stopped pouring down her face, she was still on the verge of crying.

She gently gathered her in a reassuring hug, rubbing her back soothingly, "everything will be fine, dear. Trust me."

"It's all my fault," she mumbled, holding on to Helena tightly, "I fucked everything up. And if you're going to say it isn't, then don't. Because I know it is."

"I wasn't going to say that," she replied, "but the truth is that it's not entirely your fault. Just partially."

"But I still hurt him..."

"He knew what your reaction would be like very well. And still he decided to face you on his own. That was his fault. He knew that you weren't aware of his secret identity and still chose to keep you in the dark. So if you hurt him under the impression that he was someone else, then you can't really blame yourself for that."

"What does it matter now? The thing is that he got hurt and I was the one who caused him pain."

Helena sighed, finally pulling apart but still holding on to her arms, "Irina, you hadn't known it was him under that cowl. Do you think you would have done the same if you knew? No. So please stop giving yourself too much blame."

She shook her head, "I hadn't known about him but I had always suspected. His scars, his injuries, his excuses... I could always see through that but this once I chose to ignore it. It was almost as if I knew!"

"Honey, calm down," she spoke, "what's done can't be erased. But it won't get any better with you putting the blame on yourself. That won't change anything."