Memories

Chapter 3.

A quick warning, we depict panic attacks in this chapter, too, so please be warned. :)

Obi-Wan's POV

__________

It was no easy feat trying to wrangle a sullen teenager and an ashen-faced, young man onto a transport, but we managed it somehow. Within minutes, we had taken off and were flying to Tatooine. I didn't show it, but I was seriously concerned when Anakin didn't want to take the controls of the ship. He looked as vacant as an empty lot, and I could tell his mind was anywhere but the present. What was wrong? Why was he having so much trouble telling me? I shuddered to remember the intense pain and lost confusion that I had sensed in him when I approached him. As though I was right there, I could still see him crouched in one of the back hallways, shivering violently, breath coming in short gasps, eyes squeezed shut in something I had seen before: a panic attack. When Anakin had been a padawan, he'd had them from time to time, but I was usually there to help calm him down, to comfort him. Attachment or no, it broke my heart to find him like that. I didn't know how long he had been like that before I came. I don't know if I wanted to.

As it was, Anakin was sitting tucked up on the seat behind the pilot's, his blue eyes, normally bright with the excitement of technology all around him, now dull and glazed. I knew it was a mistake taking him on this mission, but his knowledge of Tatooine was necessary for our success. If we were to find Asajj Ventress, we would have to rely on Anakin to lead us with any degree of safety through the nest of scum that was his former home.

Ahsoka sat quietly in the co-pilot's seat, leaving me to fly the vehicle, a task, though familiar, that I usually didn't enjoy. As yet, none of our party had spoken a word, a fact I was highly sensitive to. It seemed that Anakin and Ahsoka had had some dispute and weren't talking to each other, but I was yet to obtain any clues as to what that dispute was about.

I listened carefully for changes coming from behind my seat, listened for changes with Anakin. The closer we got to our destination, the more anxious he became, so I quickly began putting pieces together. It was something to do with Tatooine, so it was probably related to his past. He would often go quiet when we broached the subject of his childhood, and jokes about his early years were simply off the table. It hadn't taken Ahsoka long to figure it out, and, though there had been various occasions when she had seen a witty comment about the forbidden topic, she had wisely held her tongue. I wondered briefly if Anakin's reaction was tied up with Asajj being on the planet, but I dismissed my musings. Anakin could get a little feisty around the Sith but never to the extent of open aversion.

"Master Kenobi?" Ahsoka's soft voice shook me out of my thoughts, and I was startled to see the unconcealed worry in her big blue eyes. "Is Anakin alright?"

I smiled reassuringly. The responsibility often fell on me to keep my former padawan and his apprentice from tumbling into an emotional wreck. If I appeared to be in control of the situation, that helped the young ones to keep their heads. I was just considering how to answer Ahsoka's question when I glanced back to see for myself how Anakin was doing. My heart skipped a beat when my eye rested on the crumpled, trembling form half-hidden in the corner of the ship's cabin. "Please take the controls, Ahsoka," I instructed calmly, making sure to keep the quiver out of my voice.

Ahsoka obliged silently, casting a concerned glance at her master, so I slid out of the pilot's seat and crouched next to Anakin, flicking my cloak out of the way. He was curled up, his breathing rapid and shallow, his eyes scrunched shut, his head in his gloved hands. Quiet, almost inaudible whimpers were escaping his lips as he pleaded one word over and over: no. Then another crack split my breaking heart as I noticed tiny droplets of moisture slipping from his closed eyes.

"Anakin," I murmured, lightly touching his knee in an attempt to get his attention without giving him a fright. There was no recognition. I tried again, tapping his leg a little harder this time. "Anakin, breathe. Just breathe." Along with my direction, I coaxed him to breathe with me. I inhaled slowly, feeling a rush of pleasure when I heard him trying to imitate me, then exhaled. I kept my hand on his thigh as we repeated the exercise until his eyes flickered open. He watched me fearfully for a moment, still shaking all over, but he timidly reached for my hand, holding it tightly. I winced at how much it trembled.

Tears glistened in his blue eyes, and I knew all he wanted was a hug. But both he and I knew that were on a mission, and we should be focused, not allowing anything distract us. We sat unsure of what to do for a split second that felt like eternity before Anakin pulled himself together and let go of my hand, wiping in embarrassment at the corner of his eye. He cleared his throat shakily, then ran his fingers through his wavy, dark blond locks, trying to regain some semblance of composure. Swallowing hard, he attempted to look me in the eye but couldn't bring himself to it, instead staring at a spot past my shoulder. "How far are we from landing?"

"Not far enough," I thought to myself, running my eye over my former padawan. But out loud, I said evenly, "We're almost there. It should be a couple of minutes by now."

He nodded absently, his gaze fixed into the middle distance. Then, making an effort to engage, he asked nervously, "So, what are we doing?"

I smiled to myself. I didn't think he had heard the briefing. "There have been sightings of Asajj Ventress on the planet, and that usually means nothing good for us, so we're going to stop her and see if we can't capture her while we're at it."

He nodded stiffly, and I noted his shoulders relaxing slightly. Good – he was getting excited about the mission. I knew he loved a typical good-guy-bad-guy chase, so I just hoped that would be enough to keep his mind off his thoughts and on the task at hand. We'd be in trouble if it wasn't.

<><><><><><><><><><>

Hope you guys enjoyed a bit of Obi-Wan talk, coz I loved writing it! He's such a sweetie, and I love how he holds the team together. And spare a thought for poor Ani, he's still not having a great day, that's for sure!

We'll probably switch back to Anakin's POV for the next chapter, as he's technically the main character of my book, but it's highly likely that we'll see some more from Obi-Wan's POV later. :)

How are yous finding this? Am I rushing into things a bit fast, am I going too slow? What do you think?