Memories

Chapter 13.

My eyes drifted open, slowly focusing on what was next to me. My little bedside cabinet stood to my right, its brown surface covered in the usual tech bits and pieces. The blinds were turned down, allowing a few wisps of Coruscant's night lights to trickle into the room. I was lying on my stomach on a soft bed – my bed, I think – and the pain that had been roaring in my back was now a muted murmur.

Slowly propping myself up on my elbows, I checked my surroundings, trying to get a grasp on reality. Ahsoka's bed stood empty on my left, my desk, cluttered and chaotic as usual, was pushed up against the wall behind me, next to the door that lead into our shared wardrobe, and my Jedi robes were folded neatly on a chair by my desk.

Turning around carefully and sitting up, I attempted to untangle myself from the light sleep tunic I was wearing and the collection of blankets that had been wrapped warmly around me, trying not to catch the blankets on my mech hand. I recognized the handiwork as Obi-Wan's. He must have had my wound looked at, then taken me to my bed. I smiled a little.

"I don't feel well," I said in a small voice, tiny hands clutching at the blankets that covered me.

Mother gently brushed the hair off my forehead. "I know, Ani. Just rest. I'll look after you."

Despite myself, I gave her a little smile. "Thanks, Mom."

She returned it, tucking the blankets snuggly around me. "Any time, my darling." She planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

When I came back to the real world, I found my head in my hands, elbows resting on my crossed legs. Sighing quietly, I rubbed my palms across my face, then dropped my hands into my lap.

"Skyguy?" a soft voice beside me caused me to jump, and I glanced across to see Ahsoka sitting nervously on her bed.

"Oh, hey, Snips. Sorry, I didn't know you were in here." I watched her vacantly for a bit before I noticed her rigid body and big eyes. "What is it?"

She wrung her hands anxiously, her gaze darting around the room. "Uh ...." A soft mewling interrupted her, and a small creature tottered around from behind her, its tiny paws making little indents in the covers on her bed.

I cocked an eyebrow at her. "Ahsoka, what did I tell you?"

"I know, I know," she gabbled out, scooping up the purring bundle into her arms. "And I did! I took Kato to the pet shelter, but she must have come back. I-I don't know how!"

I sighed. "You'll have to take her back."

"But, Master," she protested timidly, hugging the kitten close to her chest, "she obviously wants to stay ...."

"No, Ahsoka!" I half-shouted, then sighed again, rubbing my face in exasperation. "I said no. We can't keep her. Take her back."

"But, Master —"

"That's an order!" This time, I nearly yelled.

"Well, fine!" she shouted back, cradling the cat as she stumbled off her bed and ran to the door. She glared at me, tears glistening in her eyes. "You don't understand!" She slammed the button that opened the door and stormed through it, pausing on the other side to glower at me. "It's not like you care, anyway!" Then she punched the button to close the door and gave it a kick before sprinting down the hall.

I stared numbly at the door for a while, as though watching it would open it again. Then I slid my face into my palms, slowly running my fingers along my forehead and through my hair before leaving them partway. My elbows were propped on my knees, my head bent so low that it almost rested on them, too. Tears tightened my throat and pricked my eyes; I didn't know whether to let them spill. I'm sorry, Snips. I didn't mean to hurt you, really I didn't. I do care ... really I do. And I'm sorry.

Tears trickled down my cheeks, and my body shuddered from the silent sobs that tried to escape. I'm your master, Ahsoka, and I'm supposed to help you, train you, and look after you. Instead, I yell at you. I'm so, so sorry. I'm really not angry with you. Would you hear that?

I took a shaky breath, sitting up slowly and running my hands along my legs in an attempt to calm down. I knew I should find her and talk to her, but I knew she would need some time to cool down. She wouldn't want to see me just yet, but I hoped that I would get to speak to her before she went to bed.

A knock at the door made me jump, and I wondered briefly if she had come back. But then the door opened, and my heart sank when I saw the confused – and probably disappointed – frown of Obi-Wan.

"Anakin," he started in a low tone, and I was sure I was picking up flecks of displeasure, "can you tell me what's going on? I met Ahsoka in the hall —"

"I know," I snapped. "She's upset. But why is this your business?"

He looked taken aback. "Anakin —"

"Don't lecture me!" I shouted, throwing back the covers and getting off my bed. I faltered slightly when I felt the blood draining away from my face, but the fog cleared quickly. "I don't need you to tell me what I've done wrong!" I stood, breathing hard, fists clenched, almost shaking as I stared him down.

He dropped his gaze, and my heart cracked when I saw the hurt on his face. I had just yelled at both my friends. What was wrong with me? He went to say something, but I cut him off.

"Don't, Obi-Wan. Just ... don't." Then I pushed past him and ran from the Jedi Temple, tears slipping down my face, sobs caught in my throat. Throwing my mental shields up, I blocked out anything and anyone around me, leaving the spitting rain as my only companion.

Finding some freezing corner on the dark streets of Coruscant, I collapsed into a heap and poured out my guilt and grief into my arms. Sobs shook my entire body, and tears soaked my sleeves as I buried my face into my folded arms. I had shouted at Ahsoka, snapped at Obi-Wan, failed the Council, and irritated Padmé. And I had lost my mother. And it hurt.

I don't know how much time passed before I had emptied myself of tears, huddling my knees closer to my chest as a cold wind, laced with raindrops, whistled through the street, picking up some rubbish scraps and tossing them at me. Staring blankly ahead, I wrapped my arms around my legs, holding them to myself. A numb void of exhaustion had invited itself in and settled around me, replacing my sadness with muted feelings, just whispers of my former emotions.

I didn't feel motivated to do anything, but I knew that I had better get back to the Jedi Temple. I didn't want them to go looking for me because they'd have a great deal of trouble finding me. My gaze remained fixed to the middle distance for a while before I eventually dragged myself to my feet. Once upright, I stood hesitating, my emotions threatening to get the better of my sense. I really wanted to see Padmé. Maybe I could just pop in and say hello, even for a moment. Simply thinking about her smile made me feel better.

I cast a weary glance at my attire, knowing that my soaking sleep tunic and wet black pants weren't the best look, but if I was just seeing my wife, no one would have to know. So, despite my logical side, I set off towards the Senate. 

Having caught a low-key ride, I sneaked into the Senate through one of the back entrances that was normally used by cleaners and the like. I don't know if I was ashamed or proud that the side doors and back ways of the Senate were almost as familiar to me as the main ones.

I held my breath as I peeked around the last corner before Padmé's quarters. There was just one more hallway, then I would be safe in her room. No one was walking across the red carpet, so I padded out silently, casting a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure there was no one behind me. As I looked back in front, my heart nearly stopped when one of the doors that lined this hallway opened. Uh-oh.

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Okay, this was pretty sad to write, I don't know if anyone else felt like crying! :,( Poor Ani! At least he's got Padmé ... kind of ... :}

I decided to split this chapter up coz otherwise it was gonna be super long! So I can give you a hint about the person Anakin's is about to meet. He's old ....

And apologizes for the name of Ahsoka's pet-not-pet, Kato! I know it's super unoriginal, but I kind of like it because of that. XD