Memories

Chapter 20.

Anakin's POV

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"Master?"

I stirred, and my eyes flickered open, resting on a white ceiling. A soft mattress cushioned where I lay, and the quiet whirring of machines hummed around me. A dull ache was throbbing in my right arm, just past my elbow, where my mech hand joined my arm, and every time I moved my fingers, pain buzzed up my arm, causing me to flinch.

"Master, are you okay?" the worried voice of Ahsoka broke into my thoughts.

My fuzzy gaze drifted across to the chair next to me, and I saw my young padawan sitting beside me.

"Don't worry," she tried to reassure me, but I detected a quaver to her voice. Her hand found my flesh one, and she gave it a squeeze. "Your mechanical hand was crushed, so they had to replace it. They said it might hurt for a while, but it should settle down soon. How do you feel, Master?"

I watched her vacantly before attempting to respond. "I'm ... pretty tired, Snips," I answered haltingly. "Where are we? What happened?"

"We're on Coruscant, in the medical ward. And you didn't do that exploding thingy again. Asajj got away."

I processed her words sluggishly. "So ... no one was hurt?"

She shook her head, then hesitated. "Well, no one except for maybe you."

I allowed myself the tiniest of smiles. "That's alright, then." A frown crossed my face when I saw her looking away quickly, blinking hastily. It was only now that I realized she had tears staining her cheeks. "Hey," I said softly, returning the squeeze to her hand, "what's up, Little One?"

She shook her head again, vigorously this time, staunchly refusing to look at me.

"Ahsoka," I coaxed gently, "what is it? You're upset. What's getting to you?"

She broke down, burying her face in her hands and sobbing unreservedly, so I eased myself back so that I was sitting up. Then I guided her from the chair and onto my bed, holding her close, wrapping my arms around her. She curled up tightly against me and cried into my chest, her tears soaking the loose tunic I wore and her sobs imprinting into my tender heart. After a while, her tears settled down to sniffles, and her breathing was occasionally interrupted by a spasm from lack of oxygen.

I rubbed her arm, resting my chin on her head, remaining silent until she had calmed down enough to talk. I sat back just a little, tilting my head so that I could look at her. "What is it, Snips?"

She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her hands. "I'm sorry, Master," she said in a small voice. "I think I made things worse."

I frowned, confusion swirling through my mind. Why would she be the one to blame? I thought all of that should fall onto my shoulders. But I asked quietly, "Why's that?"

"I argued with you last night. I-I said you didn't care. I'm sure I hurt you really badly and threw you off and broke your concentration and stuff. I'm really, really sorry, Master." She shuffled uncomfortably but stayed close to me.

"It's alright," I responded in the same tone. "I know you were upset last night, and I should have been more understanding."

She looked at her hands as I spoke, but I could feel her shoulders relaxing. Her breathing was calmer, and I knew she was listening carefully to my words.

"I'm sorry, too, Snips," I continued gently. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. Would you forgive me?"

I felt sorrow mixing with joy through our bond as she looked up tentatively, her teary blue eyes filling with a little happiness. "Of course, I do. Are we still friends?" she asked shyly, though her eyes were shining.

I gave her a squeeze. "We're more than friends, Ahsoka. And friends stick together, right?"

She nodded, unable to suppress her grin. "Right!"

I sat back, releasing her from my firm hold. "Better?" When she nodded again, I smiled. "Good – go find something to eat, okay? You're probably starving."

She slipped off my bed and returned my smile. "You know me too well." Then she left the room, leaving me to myself.

I gingerly slid back into the bed, lying down stiffly. My arm was aching severely, even the slightest movement sending pain shooting up it. I breathed out a slow sigh, Ahsoka's words bouncing around my mind. "Asajj got away." She got away again. It was my fault – again. I had let the others down ... again. I almost blasted the living daylights out of them! I shuddered to think what would have happened if I had let that power out. At such close range, it probably would have ... seriously injured them. Or it might have been worse. In trying to protect them, I had almost ended up killing them. The chancellor was right about me having immense power – power so immense that even I didn't know what it could do or how to contain it.

My breathing was shaky and my body trembling as these thoughts kept occurring to me. I kept on hurting my friends; whether that was physical or emotional didn't seem to matter. I was starting to doubt how safe I was to be around. If I could do that – use that power – how was I a safe person? I couldn't even trust myself. But that power came from my desire to protect them, to save them, to save my mother. I had failed in saving her, but I didn't want to fail in saving my friends. That's why I let the power go in the first place. But it had caused us to lose Asajj for the third time.

I crunched my fist in frustration, then immediately regretted it, gasping as pain burned in my muscles. Why was I so distracted? Why couldn't I just put the past behind me and move on? Why couldn't I do my duty?

Huffing out another sigh, I sank further into the bed, exhaustion replacing the irritation. Maybe I should talk to someone about this. Obi-Wan sprang into my mind, and I felt a little better just thinking about him. But then sadness wrapped itself around the memory, gently ushering out the hope that had surged. He was a Jedi, such a good one, too, and a role model and example to so many. He wouldn't know what I was feeling, and telling him about it would only disappoint him. That his student should get distracted by something as trivial as that surely wouldn't please him. My beautiful wife danced into my mind, but once again guilt and sorrow tainted the picture. I had been arguing with her, and she was busy. "Sometimes I think you just need to work out your own problems. You can't expect others to do it for you!" Maybe she was right. She usually was.

My eyes started drifting shut, weariness covering me like a warm blanket. "But you're also human. Don't let the Jedi take that away from you." Chancellor Palpatine seemed to understand. I knew he was extremely busy, but he always seemed to find time for me. Maybe ... I would talk to him .... Sleep embraced me fully, and I gave in to its gentle hold.

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Oh, not good. Anakin's pushing himself away from his friends, and he's running to those who really aren't doing him any favours. Doesn't he remember that it was the chancellor who suggested he try out his powers in the first place? That power could have killed his friends! Watch out, Ani! :{

But at least Anakin and Ahsoka are working out their differences. That's taken one thing off Anakin's smorgasbord platter of issues. 

Who else was willing Obi-Wan to come and give Anakin a hand out of his muddy mire? I know I was! XD I think Ani's friend/mentor/brother should be making an appearance shortly, but I'm not sure their meeting will quite go to plan .... :l

Thanks for reading, everybody! :D