Memories

Chapter 29.

"... immense power that is inside you ...."

"... perhaps you could have saved ...."

"... she is in pain .... I have to go. I have to help her ...."

"... Anakin ... no!"

"I ... love ... you ...."

" ... letting it go will only hurt them; it'll only make things worse!"

" ... you can do it ... I believe in you ...."

"You can't protect them."

"Your mother died, and it's your fault ... you went and slaughtered an entire camp ... sounds more like something a Sith would do ...."

"What does that make you?"

I very gently laid Obi-Wan on the ground, being careful not to injure him any more than he already was, then got to my feet slowly. I kept my gaze fixed on Asajj the whole time I stood, staring her down, glaring daggers at her. My hands were shaking, the anger burning like a fire inside me, the power building ever greater.

"What's it to be?" Dooku's voice rang across the area. "Will you avenge your master, Anakin? Will you strike down his attacker?"

Memories were flashing before my eyes, mixing with the present and making it difficult for me to distinguish the two. Mother had just died, and I went to kill the Tuscan raiders. The moons sat high in the sky, their cold white light spilling onto the sand. Here it was the sun that beat down on us, its heat kindling the flames that danced in my heart. Obi-Wan's pain poured through to me, adding fuel to the searing fire within.

"Give me your weapon," I demanded, though my voice was no louder than a hiss as I glowered darkly at Asajj. 

Asajj stared at me, and for the first time, I saw flecks of fear in her ice-blue eyes. She glanced briefly at Dooku, but the older man only nodded to her.

"Do as he says," he instructed.

She turned back to me, her face changing rapidly between anger and hurt. She pressed her lips together tightly, sucked in a breath, and stood up straighter, then gave her lightsaber to me.

Distinct strains of cruel pleasure licked at our feet, curling through the Force as the Dark Side collected thickly all around us. "Yes, very good!" Dooku praised. "Now, Anakin, get your revenge! She is defenceless. It will be easy!"

I gripped her lightsaber, switching it on with an extra thrust of my wrist. Raising it to my shoulder, I never took my eyes off her. She was the reason for Obi-Wan's pain. She was the reason for his suffering. And she would be the reason for his ....

She stood silently, her head bowed, flickers of betrayal and resignation sparking around her. Hanging heavy on her was that pain I had seen in her eyes earlier, a pain of guilt and dissatisfaction.

But I tightened my grip on the hilt, tensing my muscles and feeling that power nearly suffocating me. I could not only strike her with the lightsaber, but I had enough power in me to do much more than that. I could show her what pain felt like. Why should I care that she had no weapon? Why should it bother me that I would be killing a defenceless person? She wasn't innocent; surely she deserved this.

"Yes, Anakin," Dooku coaxed, his tone saturated with evil delight, "kill her! Make her suffer for the wrong she has inflicted! Who cares if you are breaking the Jedi code in so doing? You're simply serving out justice, aren't you? Swing your blade!"

My body was beginning to hurt from keeping that power inside myself, and I crunched my fists so tight around the saber that my knuckles turned white. My mind dragged me back to Tatooine, where Obi-Wan was kneeling beside me, begging me not to release the power. I shoved the memory aside. Asajj had caused such suffering; it was time she felt some herself.