Memories

Chapter 21.

I felt someone giving my hand a gentle squeeze, then heard them saying, "Hello, my friend. Are you awake?"

My eyes flickered open, and I glanced across to see Obi-Wan in the chair Ahsoka had been in earlier. I gave my former master a small smile. "Hey, Obi-Wan."

"How are you, Anakin?" he asked kindly, his blue eyes flicking between mine. His face was tired, and I could feel an invisible weight bearing down on his shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm alright," I answered casually. "My hand doesn't hurt so much, so that's good. How 'bout you?"

His lips twitched in a smirk. "My hand's fine, thank you. But I'm doing pretty good. It's been a long day and so, unsurprisingly, I'm tired, but all things considered, I'm fairly well."

I smiled a little. "That's good." Then I dropped my gaze, unwilling to look at him. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. I failed our mission again." I didn't add, "If I hadn't been thinking about my mother, we probably would have succeeded."

He sighed, that unseen weight growing infinitely heavier. "I know, Anakin. I've talked to the Council about it."

My heart skipped a beat. He'd told the Council? "What did they say?" I asked quietly.

He absently stroked his thumb across my knuckles. "They ... wanted me to discuss it with you."

I watched him anxiously, feeling my heart rate spiking. Surely they wouldn't expel me from the Jedi Order for that! But if Obi-Wan had to talk to me about it, maybe that was like a warning. Three strikes and you're out?

I tried to keep calm, but I could feel myself tensing, clenching my fists slightly. "I know it's wrong, Obi-Wan, but it's just really hard. I'm trying, okay?" Despite my wishes not to, I was raising my voice, the frustration and disappointment in myself undergirding the unnecessary volume to my tone.

"I understand, Anakin." Obi-Wan's voice was low, his gaze averted unobtrusively. "But —"

"No, you don't understand!" I yanked my hand out of his, scrambling backwards and feeling the whole world lurching. "You don't know what it's like to be me! I-I'm different, okay? And I make mistakes, and-and I don't know!" I struggled to my feet, standing at the door unsteadily. Obi-Wan started to stand up, but he stopped when I spoke. "You can't run my life for me: you aren't my master anymore!"

I shrunk down when I saw the hurt in his eyes, then began backing away before running. I got out of that place – really fast. I hardly noticed the worried looks from the medical staff and the confused glances from the Jedi. My one goal was to get out. I didn't even know where I was going. I was just getting there fast.

My head was pounding, my heart beating erratically. I could still feel the vague residue of that power from the morning, and I'm sure that spurred me on. Because of the blinding light from the low-hanging, late afternoon sun, it took me a while before I realized where my feet were taking me: the Senate. At first, I hesitated, unwilling to continue the path I was treading. I had argued with Padmé, and it was quite likely that she would be too busy to see me. But then Chancellor Palpatine dropped into my mind, and I remembered talking to him last night. What had he said? "If you ever need a listening ear, you know where I am." Maybe I could talk to him.

Just outside one of the Senate's backdoors, I glanced down at my clothes and sighed. I was not dressed appropriately for this place. I knew the chancellor wouldn't mind, but the other senators might. Maybe I should go back to the Jedi Temple and grab some normal clothes ....

But then the door opened, and someone poked their nose around it. I recognized the young man as one of Chancellor Palpatine's crew. He smiled when he saw me, appearing totally unfazed that I looked like a refugee from a medical shelter. "Good afternoon, sir – although really it's more like the evening! Come in! I'll take you to His Excellency, if you like."