A New Chapter (BNHAxReader)

Chapter 14: Like old times

I woke up abruptly due to a nightmare, which made me jump up and shoot my eyes open. I then looked around and noticed that the room was now dark and Chi was under the blankets while I was still on top of them. I carefully and quietly got out of bed to go to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me before I turned on the light, making sure that Chi didn't wake. I crouched down besides the toilet and felt around the bottom of the tank. Once I felt what I was looking for, a little excitement filled my being.

Still hiding it in the same place all these years later I see.

I froze as soon as I heard the voice. It wasn't from a person or even a human for that matter, it was the voice in my head, or more rather the demon that ties me to my god forsaken past. I then continued to peel whatever it was that I was reaching for below the tank of the toilet.

'Wow, you're still around?'

Once I peeled it off, I looked at it in between my fingers. The razor blade was still like new; no signs of rust or ware. Since I kept it in a little plastic bag, I opened the bag and dropped it onto my hand, poking it a little as it fell out of the bag.

Playing the game still that you're alright and that nothing is wrong?

I rolled my left sleeve back and tried to decide on a place that I wanted to start at.

'Always has and probably always will.'

I pushed the razor deep into my arm and pulled back slowly, soaking in all the pain that I could. It honestly didn't hurt like it used to, but at least it was something.

What if your husband finds out?

'It will be alright.'

I went on to cut more slits into my arm.

He wouldn't love you anymore if he saw you.

'Yeah, I figured so.'

I believe that he doesn't even love you now when he doesn't even know that you still do this.

'Yeah, I know.'

If you know that he doesn't love you, then why are you still with him?

'I'm probably just still holding onto false hope er something.'

So you know that every kiss is fake? That every "I love you" is a lie? That every moment he spends with you is a waste of his time?

'Yeah, I figured as much.'

I then lost track of time and didn't realize that I was in there for a little over ten minutes just injuring myself. I spent another ten trying to get the bandages just right. I shut off the light before I opened the bathroom door and walked back to bed, climbing under the covers this time. When I got comfy, I was facing Chi. I let out a sigh as I closed my eyes.

"I take it that tonight is a little darker than usual?" Chi asked in a soft tone, yet enough to make me jump. "Sorry, did I startle you?"

"Yeah, a little." I replied as I opened my eyes as if the pure darkness would help any with seeing him.

He scooted a little closer to me, "I'm sorry, baby."

I closed my eyes again, "It's fine."

There was a couple seconds of silence before Chi asked warmly, "How are you doing?"

"I'll be just fine. I think I just need some sleep since I have been losing many hours of it. I'm so tired."

He kissed my forehead, "Sleep all you need."

"Thanks, hun." I said as I began to cradle my left arm and shortly fell asleep soon later.

I was shortly later awoken by my alarm clock. I rolled over and slapped it off, groaning about how tired I still was. I soon sat up in bed and put on my glasses. I saw that Chi was already at his computer with his headphones on, up to his eyes in work. I couldn't help but feel that it was my fault that he was so busy. All because he wanted to listen to my useless rambling.