Him...( an Aphmau fanfic about Garrance, Zanevis and Vylante)

Chapter 20: am i good enough?

Laurance's PoV

I love Garroth, with all my heart, but sometimes I question, am I good enough?

Garroth's been my best friend since high school, he's always been there for me, through good and bad times.

Maybe I'm not good enough...

What have I ever done to deserve an amazing person like him in my life and he's my boyfriend, I still can't believe he even said the words 'I love you' back to me.

To think us, the two hottest and popular guys in our old high school would end up like this, gay.

If I'm being honest I've loved Garroth since the day I met him, I mean Who wouldn't if a smile as beautiful as his walked into your life.

His hair, his eyes, his voice, his adorable giggle and smile, I'm in love with it all.

Then there's me, the stupid, adopted, Casanova, who doesn't even know what to do with his life, or who I even am?

Back in high school, when I found out I was gay, I tried to ignore it, then I found out that Garroth was in love with Aphmau and it really broke me.

I wouldn't eat or sleep for days, my head hurt and my heart ached. Then I decided to pretend...

I pretend to be ok, when I knew I was not. If someone asked me if I was ok, I responded with a simple 'I'm fine' and a fake smile.

After that everything I did was fake, every word I spoke became fake, every action I made became fake, I became fake.

I even pretend to be in love with Aphmau, in hopes that I would find some sort of...life in me.

But I couldn't, I couldn't do it, the more I visioned them together, the more I hurt, the more I cut, the more I felt unworthy, alone, dead...

Every time Garroth looked at me with those stunning blue eyes of his, I felt myself fall, I was falling, in love with him over and over again and there was nothing to do to stop myself falling deeper.

Even if it hurt me to see the boy I love, love someone else, I still wanted him to be happy and if that meant someone else loving him instead of me, then I can deal with the pain.

Sometimes I think to myself  'would it be better if I just died'

I'm sure they don't really care about me, do they?

Then one day I finally had enough, enough of pain.

I finally told Garroth how I felt about him, and he said he liked me back.

But what if that was all fake, what if his 'I love you's were fake, what if his kisses were fake, what if he was fake.

No matter what I do, I'm always left with this empty feeling, why?

Why can't I just be happy for once? Why can't I live a normal life? Why can't I be straight? Why do I have to hurt? What have I done wrong?

Why do I just wanna stop breathing?