The Damaged

Chapter Twenty Three

What surprises me the most is how similar our fears are. Just like me, we both have to shoot someone- I didn't mention shooting yourself was a choice. Then at the end, we were brought back to an Abnegation living room to be circled by multiple Marcus Eaton's'. Each having dark, nightmare eyes and a chain in his grip. He would've thrashed it at Four if I didn't block him and took the hit.

Four and I stand panting in the fear landscape room, the lights have just turned on. I'm thankful to be rid of those nightmares; even if they're not mine.

"Y-you... really put yourself through that every night?" I ask facing the wall, wiping sweat from my forehead. My shoulder hurts from the invisible whip Marcus hit me with, a slight touch of my finger makes an ache.

When there's no answer, I turn to see him in a bit of a crouch. His hands are on his knees and he's breathing heavily. Just like how he was in the box, making his heart rate slow in there was difficult.

"Four?" I ask quietly, moving in front of him and setting myself into a crouch. "Are you alright?"

His blue eyes meet mine, they're wide like a child's. "You took the hit for me. You stood in front of Marcus without a second thought."

"I didn't want to see you get hurt again... all those times in Abnegation I wish I did something to help. My body knew what to do" a sigh releases through me, my head sits on my knees. "In my landscape, I have to see my father as well."

"I'm sorry you have to see him again" Four raises his hand to hold my cheek. At first I want to move from the embrace, but the warmth feels nice against my sticky skin.

"I'm not planning on showing you anytime soon" I try a grin, not wanting to talk about this topic anymore.

"Fair enough" he sighs then raises to his feet, I follow with ease.

Together we exit the landscape room, Four takes his small box, then leads the way back down the railless walkway.

We find ourselves sitting on the bridge over the Chasm, letting the silence sink in. Though he only has four less fears than I do, his seems to be more intense.

"What does it feel like?" I ask over the sound of the rushing water below, "to have four fears?"

Four shifts a bit, our hands are linked on top of our touching thighs. Both steel from the hours of training and running all over the compound.

"It feels like an endless loop. That I'm just repeating the same things over and over. At first I thought it made me a bit more superior than the others, but now I don't know" his eyes are looking out at the rock walls, I trace his features with my own.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to let me into your head. It probably wasn't easy..."

He looks at me with a subtle grin. "I'm glad you know now."

We're silent again, the water hitting the rocks sprays our backs with a mist. It's nice when the compound is quiet.

"So what happened with Max today? We never got the chance to talk" I ask.

"When I got there, I first noticed Eric was sitting right next to Max-"

"-Suck up" I mumble.

Four chuckles. "That's exactly what I thought. But Max went on saying how we were all picked because we showed potential to lead, then had us answer questions off of a sheet. It was very Erudite" his tone goes a bit serious. The crease in between his eyebrows appears.

"What are you thinking?" I ask softly, not wanting to let anyone- if there is anyone listening in- know what we're discussing.

He brushes his hair back with his free hand. "With the way Eric is acting, I definitely believe more that all of this has something to do with Erudite. But I don't understand why Max or Dauntless would ally with them."

I try to think over what this all means, what Erudite would want with us. Only one thought comes to mind.

"Could they be planning something? I don't know what, but it could be a possibility."

Four thinks it over, I can tell by how his eyes move back and forth as if he's scanning. "I wouldn't rule it out. I would need more information."

"Good thing Max trusts you."

"I guess... how about you? How was your first day as a social worker?" There's a hint of mockery in his voice.

I roll my eyes. "I just mainly read and took notes. If I pass the exam they'll give me in a few days, I'll get my own office." There's also a hint of fake sarcasm in my own.

No one picks Dauntless to work as someone in an office, it's beginning to sound more ridiculous as I think about it. Though that could just be the hysteria after all I've learned today and going through another fear landscape unprepared.

Four makes a face. "An office? Are you sure this is what you want?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know what I really want, but for now, this feels right."

His side grins, "if it's what you think is best." He brings his face next to mine, planting a kiss against my cheek.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Just like the other night, we stand a few inches apart right in front of my apartment door.

"Do you think Zeke is still on his date?" I ask with a grin.

Four smirks at the thought. "Maybe, if he didn't drive the girl away with his charm" he uses air quotes.

I chuckle, lacing my fingers with his. "Thank you again, Tobias" whispering, people are probably asleep by now.

He takes a step forward to close the gap. We're sharing the air again. He slowly presses his lips against mine. "Thank you for protecting me."

Before we pull apart, he drops my hand to wrap his arms around me into a hug. At first I'm reminded of my landscape, that we've never had an actual hug before, but it feels... okay. I wrap my arms around his torso, letting my head rest on his shoulder.

For two Abnegation-born Stiffs, we definitely know how to defy what we were taught.