Mama Nat [On Hold]

(1.5)Sick Spider Mum ✓

A/N: mental illness is as real as physical illness.

Peter was used to seeing his mother glum during the month Maria had been out in the field, but he noticed the difference the moment she stepped into the compound after her extraction mission that had lasted much longer than it was meant to and knew that something was horribly wrong.

He ran forward the moment he saw her and caught her in a hug as she fell to her knees. Peter held her tight as he lowered himself to a crouch in front of her and let her bury her face in his chest to muffle her cries and hide the tears slipping down her dirty cheeks.
"Mama?" He questioned. "What's wrong?" Normally she excitedly explained the badass stuff she'd done on her mission, not break down.
"Maria is presumed dead." She whispered into his chest. Peter heard her though, due to his enhanced hearing. He wrapped his arms around Natasha tighter.
"It's okay mama, Maria's a badass, I'm pretty sure she's immortal. She won't be dead." He told her confidently.
"Peter-" Natasha clearly wasn't in the mood so Peter picked up his mum and carried her to his room - after the news he'd received, he didn't think his mum would want to be in the room she shared with the missing agent.

They lay in his bed for hours, Natasha cried silently into his chest as he rubbed a hand through her hair - careful to not let his hands stick. Eventually Natasha passed out from both mental and physical exhaustion.
"Maria's going to be fine. She took the full blast of a grenade and stood straight back up, barely a scratch on her - immortal until proven mortal." He told himself.

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Peter had made every meal for Natasha, bringing it to her room, coaxing her to eat a few mouthfuls before she turned away and curled into an unresponsive ball of an occasionally sobbing mess. He would sit her up and force her to drink water so she didn't end up dying in her sleep. He ran her baths and helped her clean herself, and brushed her hair and teeth. He had told everyone the news, seeing as he was the only one that knew - everyone was close to Maria and everyone was upset. He hugged her tight after every nightmare. He sat with her for hours on end, hoping she'd mutter even a single word, but she just lay dead to the world. A week passed and he had to go back to school, Wanda promised to look after her during the day while he worked hard to maintain his grades - he even sat at the desk in her and Maria's room to do his homework.

Tony had joked that they had switched roles, she used to bathe little Peter and now he bathed her. A few people had let out sad chuckles; Wanda had to remind Peter that Tony was just trying to lighten the mood when he clenched his fists and tensed for a fight.

It was getting too much.

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Peter could hear muttering and sobbing from his mother's room a few doors down. He looked at the clock. 03:47 am. He slid out of bed and plodded down the hall to his mother's room.
"Mama, mama! Snap out of it, it's just a dream!" He pulled the blanket off her and shook her shoulders harshly. She pushed him off and curled back up, he gasped but then sighed and crawled into her bed. "Mama-" he tried, wishing that Wanda's room was on the same floor as them so he didn't have to do this alone every night.
"Peter, go back to bed, it's a school night." Peter looked away, it was Saturday morning but he wasn't surprised Natasha didn't know, she hadn't left her bed in almost three weeks. It was the first time she'd spoken since giving Peter the news; her voice was scratchy and hoarse. He pushed himself off of the bed and checked her bedside table. Her dinner lay cold and untouched, three full cups of water lay beside it.
"No, it isn't." He muttered as he scrambled to pick it all up and carry it to the kitchen, grabbing a fresh glass and pouring a half a glass of room temperature water into it. He knew that while cold water was more refreshing, slightly warm water rehydrates better - and she definitely needed that. He carried it back to her dark room, flicked on her lamp and sat the cup down.
"Mama, you have to take care of yourself. Maria wouldn't want you to waste away in your room." He said gently, straightening out the pillow and blanket beside her and opening the curtains to let the moonlight in.
"You have no idea what Maria would want!" Natasha sluggishly jumped up, scowling. "No-one does and no-one ever will! She's dead Peter! Get that into your head! She isn't coming back!" Natasha didn't shout at Peter often, so her growl made him jump away in shock.
"Then she's already here." He told her calmly but sad tears sprung to his eyes as he forced himself to keep his tone low and even. "That's what you tell me about grandad Coulson. That he maybe gone from the world but he is right here, with us. So don't go screaming because you might make me think you were lying."
"Peter-" Natasha tried.
"No mama!" Peter interrupted. "You're letting yourself waste away and I won't have it. I know you lost the love of your life, but we all lost her. Maria is like a mum to me and Wanda, and she's a close friend of everyone else outside that door. I know you're suffering the worst out of everyone, but we all loved her, mama, and we all love you. So please, stop lying in bed. Because it hurts to see you like this, all curled up with no hope. We haven't found a body or anything to suggest she's dead so pick yourself up and be a goddamn mother like you promised to be when you signed those papers." He pointed at both his birth certificate and Wanda's adoption papers hanging framed on the wall - the only thing other than a mirror on the wall. While he kept his voice even, tears that he'd been keeping locked away ran down his cheeks, tired eyes unable to hold them any longer.
"Peter." Natasha sighed, seeming having finally snapped out of her selfish devastation. "Baby, I had no idea you felt like that." He moved forward and hugged the redhead.
"Like what?" He knew this hug was not for him, they rarely were these days, it was to comfort her.
"That Maria is your mum." Peter was surprised to hear the tenderness in her voice, to see the softness in her eyes and the ease on her face.
"Maria is a badass, there's no way she's dead. We will find her mama." He told her determinedly.
"Yeah, we will." She hugged him tight again. "Shouldn't you be in bed?" She noticed the time on the clock on the wall.
"I come in every night when you have nightmares." He told her gently, keeping his voice low and steady, as he did with every interaction he'd had in the past month.
"Really?" Peter was unused to hearing his mum so insecure.
"Yeah, every night for nineteen nights. I took a week off school when you first got home and let you cry into my shoulder for a whole week. I do all my homework in here and spend all my spare time either helping with the search effort or in here with you." He knew she didn't have any idea, she didn't react at all when he walked in normally, but it still stung that she had no clue of his presence until that day.
"I had no idea." Natasha whispered, face blank.
"I know, you've been pretty much unresponsive. I was surprised you pushed me away today and more surprised you spoke. I'll have to tell Helen, she's monitoring you're health. Now that you're present, can you drink just a little bit of water, there's a fresh glass." He pointed, she shakily sat down as he passed it to her and helped her drink what was there. "Do you want anything?"
"No, honey, you go to bed, you have school in the morning." Peter sighed.
"It's Saturday morning." He smiled sadly.
"Really?" He never wanted his mum to be unsure of anything ever again.
"Do you want to watch a Disney movie?"

They ended up watching the new Cinderella, Natasha fell asleep within half an hour. Peter checked her watch that tracked her vitals, she hadn't been in a deep sleep in seventy two hours - meaning she hadn't actually rested, and the dream he'd woken her from was really a hallucination. Peter carried her to his room and left her to sleep in his bed, deciding to get on with homework as he was wide awake.

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After another week, Natasha was doing slightly better. She and Peter took daily walks and ate dinner together, she showered regularly and slept at least four hours a night. She spent time with Clint in the training room and with Pepper in the monitor room, watching for any new information about Maria while Pepper worked at a desk - no-one wanted to leave her alone. Peter hijacked all the missions Fury tried to send her on and assigned another agent to it before Natasha ever caught wind about it. He didn't let his mother spend more than an hour alone, fearful that she would start acting the way she did those first few weeks, but more often than not sat silently as to not overwhelm her. He did everything he could to keep her in high spirits and only went on patrol at the weekends so he could make sure she was okay.

While everyone, especially Natasha, was still glum about Maria's disappearance - because that's what they called it, she wasn't dead - Peter kept a smile on his face and cheered everyone up, only letting it fall when he reached school, telling MJ and Ned any new news. When he had first gone back to school, he and MJ had skipped first period as he told her everything and she let him cry into her shoulder - on the condition that no-one ever knew she was soft enough to do that, he chuckled and agreed - she listened to his theories and ideas and even offered some of her own - he didn't like that hers were the most realistic when he found out what happened. Ned knew Peter and Maria were close but only Wanda and MJ knew she was like a mother to him, until Natasha snapped out if her daze. MJ knew just how hard he was taking the disappearance and how much he missed her. How he was trying to keep himself together for everyone else, but was struggling under the pressure, how his grades were taking a dip. She have him advice on how to deal with Natasha and the others and tried convincing him to tell them how he felt.