All But Forgotten Mate (EDITED/COMPLETE)

12: Before

Chapter 12: Before (Devon's POV)

Over the past three years, it's become harder and harder to be with other women. For the last year, I haven't been able to stomach the touch of another woman or her touching me.
The problem is that I want to be with Izza, but I've screwed that up. After telling everyone that my mate died and that Izza is just nanny Nikki, I have no chance of ever having her back. I was just trying to put the mate thing on hold but I ended up destroying it. So now I live with the fact that porn and my hand barely get me hard. If I want a chubby, all I just have to watch Izza bend to put something in the oven though. I do better getting turned on by Izza and running to the bathroom to jerk off. I have a few girls that do live porn for me. I watch as they get off. They do it blindfolded and I pretend I'm watching my mate pleasure herself. It only works on rare occasions.

Jessica was last nights show. She had fallen asleep on the couch last night after her efforts. I didn't have the heart to wake her, as I was still sexually frustrated, so I let her spend the night. I generally try to get them out of here so that Izza doesn't have to see them. I stepped into the shower and daydream about my mate joining me in here. The fantasy isn't enough and I am still left unfullfilled. After a disappointing shower, I dried, dressed, and was getting ready to go down when I heard Jessica exit the room. Crap Izza is probably already making breakfast.

I caught up to her as she was heading into the kitchen. I heard Jax saying something about me working the guys hard and Izza asking if everything was okay. So as I entered the kitchen I responded, "Nothing to be worried about Nikki, just keeping the pack in shape." At the same time, Jessica stretched on her toes to kiss me goodbye. I internally cringe at the feel of her mouth on me, but bring no attention to it. It does upset me because it caused Izza to turn away.

Jessica grabbed some breakfast off of the counter, and said in a mocking tone, "Thanks for the breakfast Nanny Nikki." Izza growled after her, but Jessica was already gone.

I responded with my own growl. "That's uncalled for Nikki. What if she heard you. Your wolf is supposed to be gone" Izza knows better.

She looked like she was going to fight back, but she just said "Yes Alpha" then she put her head down on the kitchen island. Dex whined because we are continually hurting our mate.

I walked around the counter, put an arm around Izza, and whispered in her ear, "Sorry I do try to keep them from coming in contact with you." I squeezed her and was handed my breakfast plate. Grabbing the plate I walked over to sit at the table before her scent took me over. I sat at the head of the table that faced where she was standing. She was in a loose-fitting white tank top that showed a little more of her chest each time she bent forward. Dex and I enjoyed this. We enjoyed this a lot.

Jax mind-linked me telling me that Izza had a favor to ask of me, and I was intrigued. "Leave," I told him and Kelly. They finished their plates and scurried out quickly. I ate as they cleared their plates, but I was just biding my time until we were alone.

When I looked up I caught Izza eye-fucking me. "Like what you see Izza?"

"Ummm, no. I just had a question to ask you, but I wanted to let you eat first."

No. What does she mean no. "Come sit over here and tell me what's up," I said patting the chair next to me. But as she went to sit I grabbed her by the waist and sat her firmly in my lap. This is where she should be. It's where she would be, had I not been such a fuck up. "Seriously, you said no to liking what you see. I think you do. I know I like those short little shorts you sleep in. They make me want to do bad things to my mate." My cock twitched from having her so close, and she yelped and jumped up.