Chapter 4: I will never be met with my demise.

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"Frank." I whispered meekly, embarrassed for him to see me like this "W-What are you doing here? How did you?..."

"It wasn't hard to find the right highschool. There aren't many other schools in the area." He was still stroking my hair, trying to comfort me "Why are you crying?"

"I-I don't know." I lied as tears continued to run down my face, and he gave me a look "Frank, it's kind of personal, o-okay?" For some reason, it feels like I always cry harder when other people are around. Hopefully he wouldn't be mad about me not wanting to open up to him, since we barely know eachother "W-Why are you here?"

He sighed "I'm sorry about this morning. You were just trying to be nice and I didn't think..." Frank paused and bit his lip "Most of the time guys only talk to me because they want to have sex with me. And I don't know... I know I shouldn't have thought you would try anything like that. I'm just a complete mess, alright? It wasn't your fault."

I was staring at him the whole time he was talking, thinking that I should be the one apologising. I was the annoying one who never goes away, the one who never got what he deserved. My whole life is a fucking train and sooner or later it'll all go up in flames! I'm a fucking trainwreck!

"Gerard, what are you talking about?" Frank asked, and I covered my mouth as I realised I had said that all out loud. God, do I have any self control? I sank back down putting my head back in my hands, mumbling an apology "You have nothing to be sorry about. You're not a trainwreck, you're not annoying. Gerard..." His voice trailed off and I finally looked back up at him.

"I-I just need to be a-alone for a while, okay?" He nodded understandingly and walked back out the door, closing it behind him. I groaned and stood back up again, thinking over how I would go about explaining my little outburst to Frank as I paced the room. Should I say I have depression? I mean, it's not that far off if you think about it. I have suicidal thoughts all the time, and yet I can't even commit suicide...

When the door opened again, I had almost expected it to be Frank. But no, it was just another history teacher from next door. I don't really talk to anyone else who works here, so I was surprised to see her walk in like she owns the place "Hi! Gerard, right?"

"Uh, yes? Is everything alright?" I asked. She closed the door as she walked in and took a seat on my desk. She didn't bother crossing her legs, meaning I could see the lace panties she happened to be wearing, but I hardly cared. All I looked at was her face, where she had very clearly applied a thick layer of makeup on this particular day.

"Well, we haven't officially met and I've heard you've been working here for years!" I laughed and she laughed along as well, clearly not getting the joke. She held out her hand "I'm Jessica. Jessica Rolinn." I shook her hand, wincing as her long nails dug into my hand a bit. After that I thought that we were done but she still sat there on the desk "So, have you lived here your whole life?"

I was a bit startled by the question, not exactly knowing how to answer "Well, not my whole life. I travel a lot, but I think I'm going to stay here in Jersey for a while." She clung to my every word and gazed at me widely as I talked. I was familiar with this look over the years, I've gotten quite used to it. But I already have my eyes set on someone else, so the fact that hers are looking at me like that- like I'm a work of art or some rare exhibit to be shown on display- It's disturbing to say the least "Did you come in here for something in particular?"

"Well I wanted to ask if you'd want to go for coffee sometime, maybe get to know eachother?" She had put up a confident front but I could tell from the way she was tapping her nails on my desk that she was very nervous.

"Are you asking me on a date?" I already knew the answer, but I needed her to say it or else she may act offended if I accuse her of such things. She nodded and bit her lip, nervously awaiting my answer. I sighed "Well, I'm sorry but I'm gay. But you are a very beautiful woman, I'm sure you'll find someone."

Her eyes lit up in understanding "Oh, so was that man who left a while ago your boyfriend?"

"No, he's just a friend."

She giggled "Yeah, sure he is." And gave me a playful wink. I stood there stunned as she stood up and walked out the door. Sure, Frank was attractive, but I wasn't trying to sleep with him. He was already harassed enough at work, he didn't need me to be another one of those guys that were trying to get in his pants.

I took another sip of my coffee, thinking over all my options again. As the wonderful taste hit my tongue, I realised I needed to be bold. If I really did like Frank, I would ask him out. And if he seemed like a nice person and that I could fall in love with him, maybe I would tell him my secret.

But who am I kidding, I'm getting ahead of myself. Frank has to make his own decisions as well, and I still have to factor in his feelings. He's gone through a lot and I can't just forget about his feelings. His feelings are what I care about the most.

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