Anxious [H.S]

Chapter 10: Telling Them

Author's Note: This chapter has some sensitive content in it. If you are sensitive to suicide please skip a head to the end of the dream.

7/25/2007

I finally just got home from camp. It was a horrible per usual. I have no friends at camp. I don't talk to anyone and they don't talk to me. My dad says it's a good experience for me though, to make me more social. Yeah, how is that working out. I got yelled at because evidently I would stay in my room all the time, drawing. The councilor took away my sketchbook which is a horrible thing to do, considering I spend the majority of my time drawing in there. I'm gonna tell my mom, she'll be so angry. She is the only one that really understands how important drawing is to me. It helps my anxiety. I go to look in the living room where she usually is and she's not there. Where is she? Maybe she went to the store or something.

I head upstairs to go to my room when I notice the bathroom door is closed. I knock.

"Mom, you won't believe what happened at camp," I say. No answer.

"Mom?" I knock again, this time louder.

"Alright, I hope you're not naked because I'm coming in. I really need to talk," I say opening the door, seeing a sight I will never be able to get rid of. My mother, sitting in the bath with all her close on and her wrists slit, bleeding out.

"Mom!" I yell, shaking her.

"Mom you can't leave me here, you're the only one that understands me! Please!" I yell knowing she can't hear me.

Before I know it I am being pulled away from my mother. I look up and my father is holding me.

"Come on Leah, you have to get out of here," he chokes out.

"No, don't take me away from her! I want my mom! I need my mom!" I yell flailing. Trying to hit him.

"Shhh it's okay Leah," he whispers.

"No, it's not okay! Put me down!" I choke out.

All of the sudden I started crying, I hadn't been crying this whole time. I was sobbing, to the point where I couldn't breathe. Hyperventilating you may even say.

I shoot my head up from the pillow, not being able to breathe. I am sweating so profusely you would think someone poured a bucket of water on me. Dreams like that don't occur often, only when I am really stressed out. I am terrified of telling Olive and Kenna today. That's probably what caused it. I used to have them often as a kid, every night even. But as I've gotten older they've gone away. They are going to be here soon so I better take a shower.

I took a shower and got dressed in leggings and a sweatshirt. I am now sitting on the couch waiting for them to arrive. My palms are sweating and I am freaking out. I honestly don't know why I am freaking out. What's the worst that can happen?

"Leah, we're here!" Olive shouts, coming through the door.

"Hey, how are you guys doing?" I ask.

"Fabulous, how are you?" Kenna questions.

"I'm good. I actually have to tell you guys something, if you don't mind," I say moving from my spot on the couch, so they can sit down.

"Okay, why are you making a big deal about whatever it is you're gonna tell us? Are you pregnant Leah," Olive asks.

"No, of course not," I reply, laughing, standing in front of them.

"Then what is it?" Kenna asks.