Anxious [H.S]

Chapter 53: Sugar High

*Song: Medicine by Daughter*

One Month Later

I watch as Harry loads the trunk of the car with our suitcases. He shuts the trunk then looks at me and smiles.

"You ready?" he asks, opening my car door for me.

"Yes, of course I am," I say.

"Good," he says, pecking me on the lips before I get into the car.

We get into the car and Harry hands me his phone like he always does. I can't believe this is actually happening. Harry didn't really tell me where we're going, all that that I know is that he said we are going to end up somewhere in California. I hit shuffle on the Sunflower playlist.  Harry looks over at me and smiles.

"What?" I say, laughing.

"Nothing, I'm just excited," he says, looking back to the road, grabbing my hand.

"Me too," I say, smiling.

This trip is honestly bitter sweet. This is the last stretch we have together before he leaves. Neither of us really know how long he's going to be gone for or how long we should stay separated for. That's Harry's decision though. When he wants to come back or when he wants me to visit. My worst fear is that he's going to figure out he's better without me. He promised me that would never happen but you never really know, people grow apart. I just hope that's not what happens to us. I know I am certainly better with him here with me.

The past few days have been rough for the both of us. It's like we both realized that this is actually happening sooner rather than later. I knew it was getting bad for both of us when Harry caught me in the shower crying. He got in with me and then he started crying too. It was rather pathetic honestly. He came in there to help me and ended up crying himself. And Harry's got this new thing where he'll wake up in the middle of the night and go into the living room and just start pacing. It's almost like he's having a panic attack of some sort. I stay out there with him until I can convince him to come back to bed. I know leaving is really stressing him out. He doesn't like being alone and that's how he's going to be, alone. But this is what he needs. I look over and see that Harry is deep in thought. He looks stressed out.

"Are you even going to give me a hint as to where we are going?" I ask, trying to start up a conversation.

"Uhm...it's a six hour drive and we've driven two," he says, still focusing on the road.

"So anywhere in a four hour radius?" I question, looking over at him.

"Yep," he states, giggling. There it is, I was trying to get him to smile.

"I love you," I state and he smiles. I feel like he needs to hear that for some reason right now.

"I love you too," he says, kissing my hand. There's a few minutes of silence between us. Something I like about us is that silence is never awkward. "Are you happy, Leah?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I ask, nervously. I don't know why he would ask a question like that.

"I don't know, things have just been crazy lately. And I know I have been acting crazy lately and I want to apologize for that. You shouldn't have to deal with that," he says and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Harry, there is nothing to apologize for. I'll always be here for you just like you are always there for me. I want to help you. If it bothered me do you think I would be getting out of bed at three in the morning to help you relax? No I wouldn't. I care about you and I don't want to hear you apologize ever about this," I snap, turning my head to look at the road.

"I'm sorry I made you mad," he says, tightening his grip on my hand.

"I'm not mad, Harry. I just hate that you always apologize for something that's not your fault. None of this is your fault, I hope you know that," I say, looking back towards him, kissing his hand as a small apology for snapping.

"It sure feels like it's my fault. It's my fault that I have to move away from you. I wish I could just make it all go away," he says. I can tell the more we talk about this subject the more upset he gets. I can see tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes. It used to never bother him talking about stuff like this, it's almost like he didn't think any of this was really happening until now. Before it used to me being the one that got emotional over everything and he would calm me down, now it's the opposite. "I'm afraid of being alone." I begin to rub my thumb across his hand to relax him.

"It's gonna be alright. You might be alone physically but I'm only a call away. I'll answer in the middle of the night if that's what it comes to. I wish I could take this away too but that's not how life works baby, it's unfair," I say and a single tear falls down his cheek. "Harry, pull over."

Harry pulls into the parking lot of a motel that we were conveniently passing. He still hasn't looked at me yet. Tears just keep coming from his eyes, though he's not making any noise. I open the car door to get out.

"Where are you going?" he mumbles, his bloodshot eyes finally meeting mine.

"I'm going to get a room. I think we're done driving for the day," I say.

"No, let me pay for it. It's my fault we are here anyway," he says, more tears slipping from his eyes.

"Stop blaming yourself," I say, closing my car door going into the little lobby of the motel, getting a room.

I come back with the room key, Harry is still in the same spot I left him. I open his car door and grab his hand, pulling him out of the car. He follows me into the motel room. He looks exhausted from the horrible sleep he's been getting lately. I lay down on the bed opening my arms up to him. He meets them, laying on top of me, nuzzling his face into my neck. I run my hands through his hair as he just begins to cry causing a few tears to leave my eyes. I miss when Harry had confidence that everything would be okay when he was gone. Now I'm the one that has to have confidence.

After about a half hour Harry falls asleep. I gently roll him off of me and get off the bed. I watch him for a minute to make sure that he doesn't wake up. I then grab his car keys and unlock the car so I can grab my bag with my sketchbook and pencils in it. It's now thunder and lightning outside, which is honestly pretty funny based on how the day is going. I knew once he asked that stupid question this was going to go down a bad path. I come back to the room, and Harry is still in the same position he was in when I ran out to the car. I sit at the little table by the window. I open the curtains so I could look at the storm, something I enjoy doing. I plug my earbuds into my phone and hit shuffle on my sad playlist just adding to my sad music video daydream I'm in right now.

"Pick it up, pick it all up. And start again. You've got a second chance. You could go home. Escape it all. It's just irrelevant. It's just medicine. It's just medicine."

I don't really know what to draw right now. I need to draw though to let some sort of emotion out. I decide to use my surroundings for inspiration, specifically the storm that's occurring. I feel like that sums up my emotions right now. I begin to draw, trying to let out all of the emotion I can, drain my system. I can't be upset right now, I need to be there for Harry. He's always there for me and now this is my turn.

An hour into me drawing I see Harry begin to toss and turn meaning he is waking up. The storm has slowed down now, only sprinkling outside. I put my pencil down and walk over to the bed laying down next to him. He notices the bed shift due to my weight and he opens his eyes, rubbing them gently. He needed that sleep. I hope he feels a little better now. He rolls over on top of me and kisses me. I breathe into the kiss almost like I was surprised by it. I smile now knowing he's in a better mood. He pulls back and smiles at me.

"That watermelon chapstick of yours could give me a sugar high," he mumbles, kissing me again. He pulls back and looks at me.

"Thank you," he whispers, pecking me on the lips.

"For what?" I whisper back, not wanting to break this silent atmosphere we've created.

"Just for everything. You know exactly what to do to calm me down," he says and I grab his face and kiss him again. He pulls back and smiles at me.

"You know what? Sugar highs are fun anyway."