MERLIN- THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING (spn) [COMPLETED]

im back baby

Sam's POV:
I didn't sleep again last night. He was there.

I kept on trying to ignore him by looking at Dean cuddled up against Castiel but that didn't work.

I'm going insane.
I don't know what triggered it.

Count on him to come fuck everything up at the complete worst time .
I should be there for Merlin , i should be there for Dean. I'm trying to be but it's hard , it's so hard.

It's bad. I want to hurt myself and worse , i want to hurt others. I want to say that he's making me but he's not , i know that he's not real so how can he possible be making me?

Perhaps Gabriel triggered this?
Seeing Gabe and having that lead to Lucifer being back on my ass is logical . I mean they are brothers and all.

I look at Cas and he's lying there, he's not breathing and he's still. He is so very still , almost like he's dead, almost like i've killed him. I don't know why i keep on thinking things like this but i can't stop .

It's driving me further to insanity.

I keep on scratching at my arms and pulling my hair , im trying to shake it away . I am trying to get him to leave but he won't.

He doesn't shut up.
He never shuts up.

He screams and he sings and he talk all day long. My head is never quiet , even when i clamp my hands over my ears and he doesn't silence.

"GOOD MORNING VIETNAMMMM!!!!"
I don't look at him , hoping he'll will just go away. But he just laughs at me and my methods . He is in my head , he knows everything about me, he knows everything i'm thinking.

The gun that still lays beneath my pillow is so insanely tempting , just one little trigger pull and this will all be over . Not that that would work , he wouldn't let me die ; he wants me to suffer .

I can feel it build up and up in me . I want to scream , i want to thrash out. I pull out the emergency knife and put it to my chest , right above my heart.

"Go on Sammy , do it. I know you wantttttt to."

I shake my head and throw the knife across the room , it's blade scratching the paint slightly.

"Aw Sammy, don't be such a spoilsport. It was going to be fun , don't worry though Sammy we can still have fun without it.

Mary , Mary, quite contrary how does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells
and pretty maids all in a row."

Nursery rhyme after nursery rhyme . Does he ever shut up? How does he even know these? He dances his fingers around and swings his legs off the edge . He's enjoying this , he's enjoying this so much.

"Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker's man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can
Pat it and prick it and mark it with "B"
Put it in the oven for baby and me
For baby and me
For baby and me
And there will be plenty for baby and me"

What the hell does it even mean? I want to run away but where ever i go he follows .
I want to talk back to him and tell him to go away but i know that giving him that satisfaction will only make him worse.

I close my eyes , i can no longer see him but i can feel him . I can feel his presence, it's so strong or so unbelievably strong- it feels like it's actually him , funnily enough he'd be easier to get rid of.

I hear chains rattling and clinking together above me. The familiar scent of searing, burnt flesh is the only thing i can breathe in ; the airs musty and thick. I can feel the flames licking my skin and i know where i am.