Swinging sixties(NYOFrUK)

Chapter six

March 1967
"Alice"
"Yes, Francine?"
"I was thinking..."
"Yeah?...."
"Do you want to go to St Ives beach?"
"Really?" She said , we both turned our heads to look at each other and soon started to giggle. "I don't , it's whatever" she laughed. She handed me the blunt ,which I gladly took.  "Thanks buddy" I smiled. She looked so pretty in her dress, looking up at the ceiling, stoned as hell. "You know what I realized?" She said opening her eyes wide. "Yeah? What's that?"I asked.

"Uhhhhh.....you know, that every night, there are clouds" she said shocked. "What? Did you think they went away when the sun went down?" I asked giggling. "I'm not sure" she said looking to me seriously. I handed her the blunt and she took a long puff, thinking harder about the clouds at night. "Wait , so where do the stars go in the day?" She said confused. "What? They are there.....wait....no they are" I laughed stupidly.  "It's simple science, duh" I looked to her smirking. "Hahaha, it's not science, it's astronomy you twat" she slapped my shoulder and we both burst out laughing. "No, it falls under the science category" I said

"So, what's your type?" I asked . She put out the blunt and placed her head back against the wall. "Uhhh, someone who is super nice to me , and super cute" she looked to me sweetly. I scored closer to her and stared into her eyes. "And you?" She asked. "Well, they have to be extremely funny, sometimes be stubborn I guess, they have to be very beautiful and such" I smiled looking at her. "Beautiful?" She asked.

"Why not say handsome?" She asked confused. I looked at her seriously and didn't know what to say. We've been friends for a couple weeks and I haven't told her that I play for the other team. If I tell her, would she be uncomfortable? Will she accept how I feel? I was terrified. "I......you see..." I couldn't think of anything. I feel like she should know this, even if it may give me a bad experience. "I don't like men.....I love women" I said bluntly. 

Her eyes widened and she sat up quickly, looking away from me. "As in....you are attracted to females?...." she asked trying to process. Her head was down as I shook mine slowly. She is rejecting me....how I feel, I screwed up. "I see.... I have to go....I'm sorry" Alice stood up quickly, and my first instinct was to grab her hand to stop her. "I hope you don't see me any different than before, I'm still the Francine that you met, your friend" I said slowly.

She wouldn't look at me at all, and I could feel her body shake under my touch. Was she actually scared of me? I couldn't believe it.... all I could do was slowly remove my hand from her wrist and let her leave my house.

"When can we see each other again?" I asked. "I will call you and let you know , when I can." She said before rushing out the door. I really was an idiot for telling her, who knew that she would act this way. She seemed so open minded, I mean I guess it could have gone worse if I told her how I felt about her. Wait ! If she was scared, that would mean I was wrong about her feelings towards women.

I sat on the floor sad for the rest of the day, till I found the will to stand up and finally compose myself. What if she tells people...and they come after me? No!! This isn't America, no one in Europe would ever dare to do that....right? I began to become paranoid at the thought of being murdered for who I was attracted to. "I will give it a few days , until she reaches out to me"

I looked myself in the mirror and kept telling myself that, as well as trying not to freak myself out. Also avoiding the thought of fleeing the country and moving back to France. I really was a mess at the moment.

~
A few days had past and she still hadn't reached out to me. It was about four days after I told her my secret. Maybe she needs time to process it , which I think she is being insensitive to my feelings in this situation. I mean did she really think about how this is affecting me? How her behavior is causes me emotional pain. I just wanted to be honest with her and Alice is stomping on everything that is me.

I'm not sure if I'm just angry at myself for letting this happen or angry at her reaction. I don't want to lose her, she ....she has been the greatest person in my life. She was so kind and beautiful to me, she had a strong side , and a temper. Even though she had some flaws, I deeply cared for her, in a way I have never cared for anyone else. If she found me disgusting, I would really have to move back to France and try to recover from the embarrassment.

I placed my head in my palms and started to slap myself in a desperate way. I think getting high will help me forget about this mess. I threw my boots to the wall and ran to my bedroom. Instead of lighting a blunt, I just threw myself on my bed frustrated. "AHHHHHH" I screamed inside my pillow. "I'm pathetic!" I yelled.

I felt tears stream down my face , turning over to lay on my backside. That is when I heard my home phone start to ring from the kitchen. I quickly ran over to answer quickly, in case it was important. "Ello?" I said in my french accent. "Francine..... I think I am ready to talk now....can you come over now?" It was Alice, her voice sounding sweet and timid making me forget what happened and her reaction to me. "Yes!"

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