Variables | Joshaya ✔︎

For Dillon

𝕞𝕒𝕪𝕒

It's been a month since Josh moved in, and let me tell you it's been amazing. Josh and I have created our own schedule, do that neither of us fall behind on anything, whether it's school or health related. It might seem unfair since I go into school, so I obviously can't watch them from 7-2 on weekdays, but I went through it all and made sure that we both had the same amount of hours taking care of Gabi and Dillon. When I calculated it, he was actually a few hours behind so he decided that he could help me with some of my math homework, since fractions are the literal death of me, while he's like a god at them. It's unfair.

Anyways, I'm finally on my way home after work on Saturday night, utterly exhausted and then realizing that I have Night Duty tonight. Well, at least I get my work days over with on the weekends, I honestly feel bad for Josh. He took most of the nights, most of the work shifts, and then he watches them 3 days a week, then we have Topanga come over and watch them, since on Tuesdays and Thursday's she can work from home. Lifesaver.

Now, back on track. I finally get back to the apartment, almost immediately running up the stairs and inside the apartment.

"Well someone's eager," I hear, and I turn to see Josh. I smile and nod.

"Well yeah, tonight was exhausting," I reply, putting my bag down near the door and going over to where Josh is in the kitchen.

"How so?" he asks, and I sigh.

"Well," I start, "let me just say that tonight was one of those nights where it felt like I was a working at a bar full of drunk middle aged men."

"Did something happen?" He asks, and I then realize what I just said, and I said it to Josh of all people. One thing that I've learned about Josh during these past few weeks is that he is extremely protective over the people he cares about.

I quickly shake my head, "You know me Josh, were they trying to make a move on me? Yes, yes they were. But I know how to put them in their place, I've worked at Topanga's for way too long."

He nods, "Good, I got worried for a second."

"Josh, you know me, I wouldn't let that happen, and you know that Topanga is there on the weekends, so you know her even more. She would literally kill someone if they even laid a hand on me, let alone hurt me," I say, and we both laugh, "The sad thing is, is that I'm dead serious. She probably would kill them."

We both laugh and talk for the next 15 minutes while I eat something to hold me over, and then I hear crying. Here we go, my second shift begins. I get up from my chair at the island and go into Gabi and Dillon's room, quickly grabbing Dillon and practically running out of there with a crying Dillon in my arms so I don't wake up Gabi. I bring him straight back to the kitchen, bouncing him up and down lightly and whispering, "shhh, Dillon, it's okay. Mommy's here."

After at least a few minutes, he's finally started to calm down. By the time that he's fully calm, he's probably only been up for 10 minutes, and now is just staring up at me and doing his little adorable smile. My heart melts at his smile.

"Ma," he says, taking me aback. I read online earlier that he's probably going to start to say one syllable things like 'ba,' and 'da,' so I wasn't thinking of him to first say 'ma.'

I look at Josh, "Has he done that before?"

He shakes his head no, "No not yet, but he would pretend to talk, like just move his mouth around like he's talking while Gabi and I talk, it's hilarious and adorable since no sound comes out."

I laugh likely and smile back at Dillon, "Ma, huh? Got any other new sounds you're hiding?"

"Ma," he says, making me laugh.

"Mama, that's right," I say, "Mama's here."

He smiles sweetly and I start to slowly rock him and motion to Josh that he can go to bed, since he's had a long day too. I also read online that the more you talk to them, the faster they'll start talking, so I bring him over to the living room and sit on the couch. I then position him on my lap so I'm comfortably supporting Dillon's head and his chest is facing me. I smile to him and he smiles back, so I start to talk.

"Hey little guy," I say, "so, ma, huh? Hopefully with your first sound being ma, I'll be lucky enough to be your first word, mama?"

I put my pointer finger in the middle of his chest, making him laugh and try to grab my finger, so I take it away, "I can't believe you're 5 and a half months, you sure don't look it, but then Topanga says that Riley was tiny too, but then she progressed mentally faster, so I think that's what's happening? Anyway, I love you so much Dillon, I hope you know that. You're so loved here and I promise that I'll never leave you and your sister, Gabi."

He smiles and I smile back, "Ma...." He says, "ma."

My eyes widen, but then I shake it off. It was probably a coincidence. I won't count it yet. He's not supposed to be able to do that until he's like 10-14 months, "Nice try. Now, time for bed bub."

I sigh as I get up from the couch, going into his and Gabi's room and placing him in his crib, but he starts to cry immediately. I sigh, knowing its one of those nights. I take him and bring him into my room, laying him down in the middle of my bed so he can't fall off and change into my pjs, laying down with him. When I sit down under the covers next to him, he's close to my breasts and he reaches out and tries to grab them. Ew.

"No Dillon," I say sternly. He starts to cry, louder than before. Damn it, I'm going to have to learn how to breast feed, aren't I? I sigh and grab my iPad from my bedside table, unlocking it and finding the first video on how to do it, and following the steps. Thankfully, he latches on and I sigh in relief. It kinda hurts, but it'll be so much easier once I get used to it to just breast feed him than to have to warm up bottles for him and such. Damn it, now I just realized that I'll have to compromise with some other milk for the bottles for Josh. I just started, I'm not going to learn how to use that weird alien contraption known as a breast pump. Eventually, yes, I will learn. But not today.

If it's what has to be done, I'll do it.

For Dillon.

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Word Count: 1208
I love Maya as this mom that researches everything and then figures it out from there, it just fits her character so well.