My True Happiness (DDLG Academy sequel)

Chapter 19

I had been back at my brother's from almost a week now, Chrystal refused to leave. Telling Dean that I needed a friend more than I needed a brother. She popped off at him quite a few times, causing Dean to become irritated. I liked having her around, I never really had other littles friends, aside from Kyle.

"Wanna play wif barbies?" She asked as we were sat in the living room.

I shrugged, "not reawy, we did dat yesterday."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

I was confused to say the least, Dean was in the kitchen and Naudia and Will had keys. Mail was delivered to the front office, so who could be knocking at the front door?

"What do you want?" I heard Dean seeth as he opened the door.

"To talk to her, please" it was Fray.

Why did he come all the way here? What did he want to talk about?

"She doesn't want to talk to you, now leave" Dean spat trying to shut the door.

"Dean I'm being you, please, just, let me talking to her."

It was silent before you could hear Dean sigh, "fine."

Then the door shut, Fray came into the living room. He wore a pair of loose jeans and a hoodie due to today's cold weather. Dean made Chrystal give us some space to talk about what we needed to.

Fray sat down on the chair that was diagonal from me. He was nervous, Dean had that effect on most people.

"How are you feeling?"

I rolled my eyes, "I really wish people would stop asking me that."

"Okay, sorry, um" he sighed, "look Xea we are really sorry about what happened-"

"Don't be, what happened isn't your fault, it's mine. I knew I wasn't ready, I felt so lonely that I pushed myself." I chuckled as I began crying, "God I really thought that I could fake it till I made it. What a fucking joke."

"Xea, what do you mean? Fake it till you made it?"

"I mean I wasn't getting better, I haven't been, it was all a lie" I admitted. "You know, I-I went to see him. Yeah I went to his prison, I looked him in the eye, and I asked him why. You know what he told me? He had the audacity to smirk, and say 'because you're weak.' And he was right, he broke every single piece of me to get himself off. I can't get past the nightmares. The memories haunt me during the day. I space out for to long in public and I scream. I want to go to sleep, and never wake back up! The movie that is playing inside my head never seems to leave me alone. I feel worthless, I know I'm useless, and I cant even be happy with who I am because that, thing decided he wanted to ruin my life."

I couldn't stop ranting, all of the pent up aggression i had, all of the feelings I hid for the past 2 years. I just couldn't stop.

"When I wake up in the morning, I pray that something happens so I don't have to get out of bed. When I take a walk, I wish a car would swerve and hit me. I feel numb, but i know I'm alive. I feel blank but I know there's a reason I'm still here. I want to feel something yet i don't want to feel anything. My life has no meaning but everyone around me means something. These things mean nothing if no one can understand how I feel!"

We were silent, Fray was staring at his hands letting his tears fall. He was really listening to all of that?

"You feel like no matter how hard you try, the ones you love most, will always betray you" he spoke softly. "What happened, when i was 9, I knew I'd never be the same. I knew that no matter what I'd always be afraid, like I couldn't trust anyone. Then, I found Iris and Nathan, they helped pick up the pieces that were scattered from my explosions. Nothing every fit back together perfectly, but they did help create a person in me. "

I had almost forgot about what Fray went through when he was a kid. Those things can definitely screw someone up.

"I don't know exactly what he did to you Xea, and I'm willing to wait for you to tell me, but don't push us away because you're scared. We just want to help you love who you are now, because no matter what, when you're broken, you come out of it stronger than you were before."

He smiled, stood, kissed my head, then began to leave. Finding myself off the couch I grabbed his arm, i needed his warmth right now. Then he left, i felt alone when he wasnt here, but i guess thats normal. When your soulmate isn't around it feels almost like, you're missing part of who you are.

Chrystal came and stood in front of me, she was worried, she liked to help. Though I walked past her and went to my brother in the kitchen. He looked up at me and waited for me to say something.

"Why won't you let me try?"

He knew exactly what i meant by this and sighed.

"You've been hurting Xea, and thats because-"

"Because some ignorant, pervy, narcissistic, petty asshole decided that he wanted to prove i was weak. They didn't do this to me, he did, i want to see him again."

"Last time you saw him you almost died Xea May, i said no."

"Then ill go by myself, ill take a bus, whatever."

He glared at me, but i wasn't backing down, i wanted to talk to him one more time, to figure out what the hell he meant. This meant something to me, I wanted to prove to him, that I could be strong, regardless of what he did to me.

"Fine, ill call Will and see if you can see Oliver again, after this, no more." Dean finally agreed.

"Fine" then i went to my room, and waited to see what Will would say.