Lights Out

tWENTY-tHREE

Two months. Two months had passed since tour had ended. Two months since I saw Payton. Two months since I saw Madi and Cynthia and Jaden and Chase. Two months since I had felt whole.

When I returned home to Pennsylvania I fell into a funk. Nothing felt the same. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. I had begged my parents to move to California, but my dad just couldn't find a job that paid him as well as the one he had in Pennsylvania.

I Facetimed constantly with everyone. I made new TikTok videos daily just so I could talk to people in the comments. I started online schooling because I couldn't stand to hear the comments people at my school made about me or my friends. Everything just seemed different.

"Baker, why don't you and I go out for lunch?" my mom said as she walked into my bedroom. I looked up at her from where I was laying on my bed and shrugged my shoulders, sitting up. Lunch with my mom always sounded like a good idea.

"Okay," I smiled. I knew that she knew how off I had felt since coming home from tour, and I knew it was killing her so I tried to always put my happy face on when she was around.

I rolled out of my bed and pulled my white Vans onto my feet as I followed her out of my door.

"Where do you want to go?" she asked as we both climbed into the car, shutting the doors behind us.

"North Carolina?" I joked. I said the same thing every time we got into the car and she asked me where I wanted to go.

"Okay," she smirked, and I rolled my eyes. "How about on Friday we go?" she said and I whipped my head around to look at her.

"Wait, what?" I asked, practically yelling at her when I realized she was beaming from ear to ear. "Are you serious?"

"I'm serious!" she grinned. "I talked to Payton's mom. We have a flight Friday morning!"

"Oh my God! Mom!" I cried, tears instantly flowing from my eyes. Payton and I had been trying to find a time for me to go visit, but between school, him recording in the studio, and other social commitments we had both made we could not line up a time that worked for both of our schedules.

"So, why don't we go get lunch and then we'll do some shopping so you can look your best for that cute boyfriend of yours," my mom smiled and I nodded my head excitedly. I just had to make it through three more days and I'd finally be back where I belonged. With Payton.

--

"Leaving on a jet plane, I don't know when I'll be back again.." I sang quietly to myself as I zipped up my suitcase. My mom and I were leaving in less than an hour to head to the airport. Butterflies were erupting in my stomach and I couldn't tell if I wanted to scream with excitement or throw up with nerves.

What if Payton changed his mind over these two months and when he saw me again he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore? That had been a constant through swirling through my brain ever since my mom told me we were going to North Carolina. I knew I loved Payton more than anything, but he had millions of girls throwing themselves at him daily.

"You ready?" my mom asked as she walked into my bedroom. I nodded my head and dropped my suitcase onto the ground, pulling up the handle to I could pull it behind me.

The ride to the airport took forever. Between traffic, roadwork, and my nerves it felt like it took a thousand more hours than it normally does. My mom parked her car in the overnight lot and we checked our bags before making our way through security and to our gate. Thankfully we didn't have to wait too long before our plane started boarding.

By now I had flown a few other times since my first flight at the beginning of the tour, so I wasn't as nervous. As the plane rolled down the tarmac butterflies erupted in my stomach at the thought of seeing Payton in just a little over two hours.