Ricky walked in, shut the door behind him, plopped down on the couch with a frustrated sigh, and leaned his head against the back of the couch. Seven whole minutes passed before the silence was broken.
"You came here for a reason, Ricky. Wanna tell me what that reason is?" Dr. Fields asked him.
"I'm in love with Amy and it's driving me crazy." Dr. Fields arched an eyebrow in question.
"So you've circled back around to Amy?" Ricky shook his head, still staring at the ceiling.
"Are you saying that you don't consider this as circling back to her because you've never stopped being in love with her?" Ricky nodded, finally bringing his head down to face Dr. Fields. "If you've been in love with Amy before, why do you feel it's making you crazy this time around?"
"Because this time I'm scared that if I push her to be in a relationship with me she'll turn me down," he admitted sadly.
"Why are you scared of Amy rejecting you this time but not before?"
"Because this time I'm not running from her," he admitted quietly.
"Are you saying that last time you ran from your feelings for Amy?" Ricky flashed back to the conversation he'd had with Dr. Fields about this plan to string along potential adoptive couples in hopes Amy would decide to raise their son with him and shook his head.
"I don't understand, Ricky." Ricky absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair and revealed to his therapist the portion of his conversation with Amy where he admitted to her he'd run from his feelings for her at band camp. Some more of the puzzle pieces that were Ricky Underwood fell into place in Dr. Fields' mind as he finally understood when and why Ricky started trying to become a better man. "And so you're saying that this time you don't want to run from your feelings for her." Ricky nodded and sagged into the couch a little. He began to tell his therapist about the rest of his conversation with Amy, his dreams about her, his conversation with Adrian and what he'd learned from it all. Dr. Fields was blown away at how much Ricky and Amy had matured in the past two years.
"And that's why this is driving me crazy! We've been having dinner together once a week and doing something together with John for the past month and a half now and I've never been more sure that I wanna be with someone than I am right now! Even though Amy's still easy to talk to and I feel like she's actually become my best friend, I wanna date her! Nice clothes, fancy meal, the whole stupid shebang! I wanna hold her hand, kiss her, spend time alone with her; I mean, don't get me wrong I love spending time with her and John as a family I just wanna spend some time with just the two of us too." He placed his right ankle over his left knee and rested his hand on it as he stared at the wall, wallowing in his jumbled emotions.
"Have you told Amy that you've developed romantic feelings for her?" Ricky hung his head and shook it sadly.
"I don't know if she feels anything for me beyond friendship and I'd rather not say anything and get to keep spending time with her than tell her how I feel and have her pull away from me."
"But keeping your true feelings from her is making you feel a little out of control, isn't it?" Ricky nodded. "Ricky," Dr. Fields said gently, causing Ricky to look him in the eyes again. "There comes a time in every relationship where you have to take that leap of faith." He put up a hand to stop Ricky from trying to protest or interject. "I know with your childhood and past relationships with women that you're more inclined to put up barriers than allow yourself to be hurt. That's a natural, human response, Ricky, and there's nothing wrong with it per se. However, if you want to have a genuine relationship with Amy than you need to be prepared to make yourself vulnerable to her. You'll have to let her get close to your heart and be prepared for her to get close enough to you to influence your emotions. To do that takes trust. You need to ask yourself if you're ready to trust Amy with your heart. If not, than I would advise you not to tell her how you're feeling just yet."
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Loose Ends
RomanceI'm is done putting myself in these situations and feeling like this. It always seems to be because I forgave and then continued trusting someone close to me. Maybe it's time to really think about who my friends and enemies are and get rid of the dr...
