Extinguished

~23~ Forgiveness

Ellie's POV

It's been a few weeks since Taylor pulled his stunt with Keegan. I had to admit, it was clever. It still didn't make me want to move in with him, though. How can I do that? Who does that? Who moves in with the guy that they're completely in love with, but can't be with, because he cheated? Oh yeah, throw a baby into the mix. That sounds sane, yeah?

I heard what he said, though. He would miss a lot of it. And, I guess technically I would too. The baby would stay with me for the first couple months probably, but after that, Taylor has rights. Do I want to be separated from my baby on the nights that Taylor has it? No. So I've been doing a lot of thinking. A LOT of thinking. Yet, I'm still more confused than I've ever been.

Liam is with his dad tonight, so it's just me. I got all the work done around the apartment that I wanted to, so I decide to watch a movie. Something feels off though. I keep checking out the window, but I can't see anything. If I'm being honest, I'm feeling spooked. I can't call Alex, because he and Liam went out of town this weekend, and they're 3 hours away. I think about calling Jake, but decide against it.

I decide I'm being paranoid, and go make myself a snack. While the popcorn is popping, I hear noises coming from outside. Like rustling, or something. I'm too freaked to check though. Instead, I do the next best thing... I give in and call Taylor.

He picks up on the second ring.

"What's wrong, Ellie?" He asks, immediately concerned. I haven't called him, not once, since we broke up.

"Probably nothing," I say as I start to dismiss my concern. "I just keep hearing noises tonight. Liam and Alex are out of town," I say, trying to decide how to ask him to come over.

Before I can ask, however, he immediately responds.

"I'm leaving now. I'll be there in 10. Keep the doors locked until I get there."

I instantly feel stupid. There's nothing out there. Why am I such an idiot? Must be these dang hormones.

After exactly 10 minutes, I hear a knock at my door. "It's me, Ellie."

I open the door and start apologizing as soon as I see him. "I don't know why I bothered you. I'm so sorry. The movie must've spooked me."

"What movie were you watching?" He asks, looking at the TV.

"Dumb and dumber," I admit.

He starts laughing. "It definitely wasn't the movie that spooked you, then. I'm gonna take a look outside. Stay here and lock the door."

A couple minutes later, he knocks. When I open the door, his expression is hard.

"Someone's been here," he says. "There's footprints in the mud, and it looks like someone has tried to pry the window open."

He goes to look out the window as he gets out his phone.

I look at him, not as shocked as I should be. "It doesn't surprise me. I've been feeling like someone's been watching me for a month now."

Taylor spins around to look at me. "Why haven't you said anything?"

"I thought I was imagining things. Pregnancy hormones and all."

"You're not," he says darkly as he looks at me.

"Moss?" I ask. We never mention her name. Not ever. Saying her name out loud feels wrong.

He doesn't say anything. He just silently nods, narrowing his eyes and tightening his jaw.

"She's been following me ever since that night. I've ignored it since she was just doing it to me. Now that I know she's stalking you, I'm gonna call the cops. I'm sorry. I should've done this months ago."

He's on the phone for a while, explaining the situation. A squad car comes by after a bit and takes down a report.

"Until she actually does anything, unfortunately there isn't much we can do," Officer O'Brien explains.

I chuckle darkly. "So you wait for people to physically get attacked before you do something?"

"I'm sorry. Let me know if anything else changes. Right now she hasn't broken any laws."

"She just tried breaking into her window!" Taylor barks, getting mad.

"You don't have proof it was actually her. It could have been anyone. Those marks could have been there from an old tenant. We have no solid evidence. I'm sorry. I wish there was more I could do."

We don't say anything as we stare at him.

"You have my direct number. Call me if there's any more problems," he says as he leaves.

Taylor is furious. He just starts pacing around my living room, saying nothing, for at least ten minutes. Finally he turns to me and says, "I'm not going anywhere tonight. I'm so sorry I keep putting you through this shit."

"This isn't your fault," I say quietly.

"Yes it is!" He starts to yell.

"Every single part of this has been my fault," he says, clenching his hands into fists.

I suddenly stand up, and before I know what I'm doing, I'm giving him a hug.

I whisper in his ear "You've got to get past this, Tay. I've forgiven you. It's time you forgive yourself. This is eating you up."

I suddenly feel his shoulders slump, as he starts to silently cry. Taylor is not an emotional man. I've only seen him cry a handful of times. When I lost my mind when Liam was hurt, when he saw Liam in the hospital, when I told him I was breaking up with him, and when I moved out. In almost 3 years, I've only seen him cry four times. Five now. Each time is painful. This big, strong man, crying. It makes me feel helpless.

I just hug him for a minute, waiting for him to gain back his composure. This isn't a romantic hug. It's a hug of friendship...Of healing. He needed it. He needed to know that I had forgiven him. In that moment I realized that I really had. I can be friends with him. I can move in with him as friends, so we can raise our child together. I'm strong enough for that. Maybe I wasn't earlier this evening, but I am now.

He lets me go after a minute, and wipes his eyes. I can immediately tell that he's lighter. More free. He needed my forgiveness, before he could work on forgiving himself.

"Let's do it," I say, looking at him with a small, but confident smile.

He looks back at me, confused, tilting his head to the side.

"Let's move in together, and raise this baby... As friends. Like Alex and I have done."

His smile finally reaches his eyes. This is the first time since that night that his smile reached his eyes. It's beautiful.

"Thank you," he says as he gives me another hug. "You have no idea what you've just done for me."

I might not know the full extent, but I know enough. Something healed inside of him tonight. He's going to be ok. We're going to be ok as we raise this baby together.