Delusional Love

Chapter 13: All alone.

"Emily, please just..one minute! That's all I ask, please!"

"What is there to talk about, it all seems pretty clear to me!" She realized her tone, trying to calm her voice. Max didn't fault her for being angry, she had every right to be.

She stood there, slumping against the door frame of her house. She shook her head, almost embarrassed.
"I just can't believe I was so..blind."

"No. No, don't do that. You are perfect. I'm the fuck up, I'm selfish and I'm- I'm sick. Just..let me explain, okay? Anything, everything. I'll tell you whatever you need to know, I promise. Just talk to me."

Emily grimaced as he grew closer but didn't fight as her head was pulled to rest on his chest. She stayed there for some time as she cried before they made their way in.

You did this, you piece of shit. She didn't deserve it and you don't deserve her.

After just a while, they were sitting in her bedroom, the light yellow walls covered in framed photos and art pieces she'd made that Max couldn't even put into words, they were so beautiful.

He sat crouched off the side of her bed, hands rubbing together between his legs. Emily sat still in her bay window, room silent as she thought.

"So? You wanted to talk, Max. Are you going to?"

Max cringed, rubbing at his face. There was no beating the bush this time.

"I'm gay." She practically flinched at the words. Not from disgust or anything but..pain maybe? Shock, no matter how much she tried to prepare herself for it. She inhaled slowly.

"How long have you known?"

"Since before you. Before the cancer. It was always..always there I guess. And I'm not talking about 'oh I was always gay I just didn't know'. I knew. Wasn't hard to figure out."

"So," Emily started. She cut off at the tears that built at the realization. He wanted so badly just to hold her again. "All that time? Our whole relationship? You knew?"

"Yeah. When I met you, I was sick. Dying. And you were perfect. Everything a person should be, you know." He shook his head, realizing how he sounded.

"I guess I kinda hoped I could change. I didn't hate myself cause of it, nothing like that. But I still hoped. And when I actually lived..I don't know. Just felt like my dream. Of us. That perfect life. It would be wasted. So I..I kept trying, trying to be with you and love you the way I should've but..one day it kinda hit me. I couldn't."

"That's why we broke up?" Max nodded, hands rubbing nervously.

"I wanna.." He looked up, waiting for her to finish. She say straighter, fiddling with her blanket. "I wanna know about JJ."

Max nodded, honestly not sure where to start or what was okay to say. He couldn't tell the whole truth could he?

He had a pretty damn good excuse for why given how..taboo it was. He was gay and he cheated, those were the facts, those were his fuck ups. Everything else just didn't seem like his business to tell.

"It started a few months after we split. He was just..he was good. We got close and then things started happening. My mom left. My Abuelos thought they started to see things. About me. And I-I.."

"Max-" She muttered instinctively, unable to stop her concern as he hesitated and shook.

"I got scared. It was like all this pressure you know? My family and people at school, people I didn't even know. I knew I would let them down. So I freaked. I clung to you and I used you. For appearances. My best friend. Just to save my ass."