Just Me, Him, and Ten Others - (Ruth Harris Series)

Prologue

The room fell silent. There were no more uneven breaths. No more pacing steps. It was just me and Hunter, both of us hanging our heads.

'Hunter.'
               When he heard his name, he turned and dragged himself closer to my bed. His emerald eyes flickered up quickly and managed to catch mine before wandering away. Then he turned and looked out of the window, probably wishing he was in one of the cars driving by.
               'Just go.' I eventually sighed, shutting my eyes to keep from crying.
'No.' Hunter replied, in an unusually hoarse voice. 'I've been here for five hours waiting to speak to you. I'm not leaving now.' 

For a long time neither of us spoke again. What could I have said? I was sitting in a bed of my own filthy shame, watching the love of my life turn his back to me and long to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
               'Do you hate me?' I murmured after a full two minutes of silence.
'No.'
               More silence.
'Do you still love me?' I held my breath, terrified to hear the answer.
'Of course.' He finally turned around and looked me up and down. 'But I'm not exactly happy with you.'
'I understand.' I looked back down at my bare, crossed feet and the long line of stitches running along my left thigh. They were leaking some kind of greasy liquid, and together with the greyness and bruising of my skin, looked like something out of The Walking Dead. My hand covered it, softly. When I looked up Hunter was still watching me. We took a deep breath.
               'Ruth...' he sighed, 'I-I nearly lost you last night. For real.' I just fiddled with a tube. It ran under my hospital nightgown but I didn't fancy seeing where it ended. The mixture of my migraine, embarrassment, empty stomach and the general smell of hospitals was enough to make my head swim, so I lay it back against my pillow and took in as much air as my half-asleep lungs would allow.
               'Ruth. Are you even listening? Don't you care?'
'What?'
'Don't you care about what happened last night? I had to sit back and watch as you jammed a shard of glass into your leg and started bleeding out - right in front of me and your mum and Andy! What the hell were you - look, I- I don't know what to do about this ...You, you could have died, Ruth. Seriously.'
'Maybe I should have.' I muttered it so quietly under my breath, I thought he couldn't possibly have heard it. His gasp proved me wrong.
'You know what, Ruth?' Hunter suddenly snapped, and my head snapped up at his unfamiliar tone. 'This isn't the time for your self-pity. Do you know what me and your family went through last night because we thought you were going to DIE!? That -' He checked his tone and, after lowering his voice, croaked, '...that may be what you want, but it's the last thing any of us can imagine living through. Are you really so selfish that you can't see what you're doing to us?'
               I was staring at him now. Really staring. This was my first time properly looking into his eyes since I regained consciousness. Now they were red, and the skin around them raw. I looked over the rest of him: his hair was greasy and falling down his forehead, and his nails were bitten raw. He looked so different to the neat, carefree man I had been dating for the last seven months.
               'Hunter...'
'Save it. I can't do this now.' He picked up his jacket.
'Wait! Hunter, please, don't go. Listen to m-' I tried to escape my bed but the tubes pulled, making me gasp between my gritted teeth. Hunter winced too. 'Hunter, please. I didn't think about the pain this would cause you because, because, I didn't know how much I meant to you until now.'
'Surprisingly honest for once!'
'Self-pity, once again. Ruth's signature play.' Hailey mocked in my head.
'It's not a play. It's honesty with a loved one because for once in her life she feels secure enough to tell the truth.'
               'It's no secret that you mean the world to me, Ruth.' Hunter replied softly. 'I tell you all the time how much I love you.'
               His words made me look back down at my sheets and shudder. 'And it's not just me. I sat with your mum and brother all night last night, while they cried and cried and cried. Bad news just kept coming. And when Sarah and Jonathan heard, they were in pieces too. We were all terrified, because the doctors said you only just got here in time, and then you went into shock...'
'What about you?' I asked quietly.
'What?'
'What were you feeling through all this? You say you love me! Tell me how scared you really were.'
               I was pushing away the man I love, I knew it, but the deranged lunatic inside me just couldn't resist.
'What do you think!?' Hunter cried. 'I've never been so scared in my life! I-I thought I would lose you. I really thought I was going to, Ruth. I was a mess.'
               He groaned and slumped down on the chair beside my bed. I fiddled with my cold toes until Hunter's hand suddenly reached out and clasped mine.
               'Ruth. Don't push me away. I won't let you. I really do love you, whether you want to believe it or not, and no matter how many times I have to sit in a waiting room praying for you to survive the night, I'll do it. Every time. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'll keep doing it until you stop trying to drown out your fears and just let me love you. Okay?'
               I looked at him once more. I swallowed, stroked his hand and nodded.
'Hunter...it wasn't just me last night though. Blaze was the one who -'
'I don't care now.' he said bluntly. He was just like Grandma. 'As long as you're safe, and know that I will love you for the rest of my life, I don't care about anything or anyone else.'
               With a heart bursting with love and a head flooded with lust, I leant forward and kissed Hunter. He kissed me back, and for the first time in a week I felt like Ruth Harris again.