Just Me, Him, and Ten Others - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 28

I lay on my bed for the next two hours, just thinking. Hunter had left the house. I should have taken the opportunity to visit my old friend Susie, who lived a fifteen minute walk away, but I didn't want her to see me like this. As far as she knew I was winning at life, and I couldn't shatter those hopes. Besides, her boyfriend walked out on her only a few months ago, so she had her own problems to deal with without me drowning her in mine.
                I couldn't even go to Grandma's, because I was almost certain Hunter would be there and I couldn't bring myself to intrude on them. She was all he had - and besides, he needed the time away from me. Fortunately I could trust Hunter to not talk about me any differently than he would if I was present; Grandma would never allow him to even if he tried. They were good like that, the Brookeses. Loyal. Genuine. Kind.
               So, when Hunter grabbed his jacket and stalked down the avenue, away from Mama's house, I didn't panic. Instead I lay myself down on his side of the bed and stared at the ceiling for what felt like an age before someone braved visiting me. But until then:
               'So...last night. Would anyone like to talk about it?'
'No.'
'Westone said we ought to communicate more.'
'You lot talk enough as it is. In fact, if you could all stop for five seconds I would much appreciate it!' I thought in response.
'Bog off, Ruth -'
'Enough! Look how far we've all come, girls; don't spoil it now.' Charity sighed. 'Fischer's right. We need to talk about last night.'
'No thanks!'
'Hell no. I ain't sitting here and listening to you wusses blab on about how Ruth fooled herself into thinking Mike was on top of her again. Why would he ever want to be? I mean, look at her! She's gross. I'm surprised Hunter lets her within ten feet of him!'
'He loves me enough to keep a drawer full of sketches of me in his room. I bet he looks through them every time we're apart. Do you have a boyfriend who does that for you?' I sneered back at Hailey.
'Stop it, you two.' Charity demanded authoritatively. 'Ruth's been through enough without you throwing wild and untrue insults around, Hailey.'
'Thank you Charity.'
'Don't get comfortable yet, girl. We are all going to talk about last night if it kills me.'
'I can arrange that.' Hailey snickered. Charity ignored her.
               'Now, did anyone have anything to do with what happened? Ruth, why do you think you heard all of our voices repeating what we said two years ago?'
'I-I don't know.'
'Come on, Ruth.' Julie chimed in. 'Admit you deluded yourself into thinking Mike would want you back.'
'No! I'll never admit that, because it's not true! I don't want Mike to want me back. He only likes the thought of having a girlfriend to dump all his problems on again: he doesn't even want me specifically.'
'But what if he does?'
'Then I'll still tell him to shove it, because I certainly don't want him!'
'But, Ruth, you want to be a public speaker, right? Don't you want to help people like Mike, even if he is a difficult man? You can't pick and choose who you help based on your own personal feelings.'
'Well hang on just one second, Charity,' Julie interjected, 'you're on Mike's side now!? He used a knife on our body - how the hell can you tell Ruth to forgive and forget and just let him hurt her again!?'
'I agree.' I thought. 'For once, Charity, I think you've got this one wrong. I know the Bible says forgive and all that, but can't I forgive without forgetting? Mike is toxic. I'm not saying he shouldn't get the help he needs, but I'm no therapist or doctor! Why should I have to help him, and not someone like Jonathan, or Sarah, or Westone? I wouldn't be able to do anything for him anyway - not with our history. If I give him an inch he'll take a mile and you know that. We all do.'
               There was silence for a good few seconds. I savoured the peace while it lasted, but too soon the dialogue returned:
               'Well said.'
'Yeah.'
'I think we can all agree on that. What d'you think, Charity?'
'I...' Charity exhaled, 'I think Mike needs help. And I think he loves Ruth. But I agree that the burden shouldn't be on her head to 'fix' him. All I meant was, he shouldn't be thrown to the wolves. Ruth knows as well as anybody that it's a bad world out there, and Mike has been through a lot. Ruth had Dr Westone to help her - and praise the Lord for that! - but Mike...he had Jodie. He hasn't had the quality of therapy Ruth has, nor the companionship of a person like Hunter.'
'But he had me. He had me for eight, long months.' I thought sullenly.
'And that brought him a long way, I'm sure. But he needs more. He needs something better. Darn, perhaps I'm not saying it right -'
'We understand you, Charity.' Julie said. 'You pity the guy - that's the religion in you. You don't think he's too far gone yet, and you want to help him. But I think lesson one for Ruth is this: you win some, you lose some. You can't always fix people who want to stay broken. I mean, look at Westone! He's an incredible therapist, but Salieri said herself that he couldn't fix her! If he'd dwelt on her death as a failure of his own, he wouldn't have been able to do so much for our Ruth. He would've given up on helping people before she found herself again! It all boils down to the fact that some people are willing to work at life, and some just aren't, no matter how much help they get. So don't make this about Ruth holding a grudge or not making the first step towards Mike, when he's given her no reason to.'