Just Me, Him, and Ten Others - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 8

And speaking of that dream: it was a bloody awful one to wake up from and realise I was back in a mental hospital, separated from my Hunter.

'Well, young man, I can't promise everything will go back to the way it was right now, but this may well be the breakthrough we've been hoping for. Ah, I think she's waking up.'
               I recognised Westone's voice. Opening my eyes, they blinked against the harsh light, and when my arms responded they tried to shield me from it. I could see Dr Westone out of the corner of one eye, but it was the blackened one which hurt to move so I shut it again. That hurt too.
               'Ruth? Ruth? Can you hear me?' It was a second voice. Higher pitched than Westone's aged one, but still deep enough to vibrate across the room. There was more emotion in it: fear, grief and a little bit of excitement.
               Warm hands enveloped mine and transferred a surge of strength all the way into my spine. I knew this feeling. These were Hunter's hands. There was a magic in them that only he had.
               'Hunter.' I smiled and opened my eyes again. As sure as God made green apples, Hunter was sitting at my side, studying me. 'Are - are you getting used to seeing me like this yet?'
               He managed a snort. 'I'm sorry.'
'Hey, what have I told you before about apologising to me?' Hunter leaned right forward in his chair, stroked my face and whispered, 'Don't be sorry for anything, ever.'
               I smiled.
'Am I in the hospital?'
'Yes, sweetheart. Not a hospital hospital - we're still in the psych hospital. Just in a different room. The nurses and Dr Westone have been keeping an eye on you through the night. How are you feeling?'
               I answered Hunter by sitting up in the bed and squeezing his hand. I would have smiled again but the action spat acid into my eye the last time.
               'What happened last night?' I asked. Hunter glanced up at Westone, who looked at me steadily and said,
'You seem to have had a sort of panic attack last night, Ruth. Sally went to get a nurse when you started talking very quickly about things that were on your mind, without stopping to think or take a breath. You talked about your alters, and Hunter, and someone called Jodie.'
'I remember that part.' I whispered ashamedly. I didn't look up at Hunter, who was probably wondering what Andy's new girlfriend had to do with anything. 'Did Salieri tell you that I dissociated?'
'Into January, or into Jim?'
'What!? Jim came out?'
'Yes, Ruth, last night, just before the nurses got to your room. I have to say, he's a lovely young chap.'
'Please, somebody, just tell me everything that happened.'
               I closed my eyes, and felt Hunter move onto the bed to wrap his arms around me. Westone ignored the action and drew a breath.
'Well, to put it plainly, last night you had an overflow of thoughts. There was too much input in your head, which eventually had to release. This was probably not possible when you were in the form of January, but when you transferred back over to Ruth, all those stimuli had to disperse. That's why you lost control of your speech and had such a long lasting flight of ideas. Then the stress of it caused you to dissociated into Jim, and he continued this pattern of fast, almost unintelligible speaking, albeit in third person, until every thought was out of your head. Do you understand?'
               I gulped.
'Were you speaking in English?'
'It's alright, Ruth.' Hunter said, his face amused and sad simultaneously.
'I know it is.' I pushed his arms off me, stood up and pattered over to the window. 'Can I go back to my room now?'
'If you feel ready.'
'I'm fine. I spoke a bit too fast, that's all. I'm not crazy.'
'I know you're not.' Dr Westone and Hunter said in unison. I felt them share a look as I pretended to watch the group of men doing sports in the outside area. They were surrounded by a high fence with barbed wire on top, following a coach in their stretches. Some were off in a daydream, others were trying their hardest to keep from shaking long enough to hold a pose.
               Without a word I turned on my heel and headed for the door.
'Ruth?' Hunter called, but I left. 'Ruth! Ruth, stop, let's talk about this.'
               His arm threaded around my waist and held me in place, a few paces outside of the room where Westone still stood.
'Get off me.' I grumbled. He did.
'Sorry. What's wrong, Ruth? Did I do something?'
'You know you didn't.'
'So why are you trying to get away from me?'
'Because! I just want to be alone, please?' I turned to walk again but Hunter jogged around to face me.
'I don't like it when you walk away from me like this.' he said. 'Please just, tell me what's going on. I can't read your mind.'
'You used to.'
'Huh?'
'You used to.' I said, sniffing. 'Now please move out of my way.'
'No.' Hunter stood his ground and eyed me up. 'What do you mean, I used to read your mind?'
'You used to always know what I was thinking, alright!? Now move!'
'No! Ruth, I've never been able to read your mind! You're a closed book. It's taken a lot of time and effort for me to figure out what you're thinking - and even then I'm normally wrong!'
'Hunter, please, I'm really not in the mood -'
'Well I am.' he softened his eyes slightly but didn't budge. 'What's changed, Ruth? Why don't you think I understand you anymore?'
'I-I, I...I think you like Jodie.' I confessed, desperate to get this over with. 'I think you want her instead of me.'
'What!'
'There, I said what I'm thinking, now please just move!'
               My claustrophobia was shutting up the walls of my brain. I had to get out of there before I said something worse. Hunter stayed in front of me, adamantly saying,
'Ruth, I love you. I don't like Jodie like that! She's nothing compared to you.'
'That's the problem.' I sighed and tried not to cry. 'You think I'm worth something and I'm not. I proved it last night! So please, just, stop trying to convince us both that you care about me. I'm not good enough for you and I never will be.'
'No, Ruth.'
               Now Hunter was cross. He grabbed both of my shoulders and practically forced my eyes to connect with his. 'This is not you. You're being ridiculous. You know I love you, you know I'm not going anywhere, and you know I don't have eyes for anyone else. You are everything to me, and I'm not going to let you keep thinking this way. Ten months ago you doubted me, but we've come too far for you to do it again. You know it's wrong. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.'
'Hunter stop -'
'No! You stop! Stop thinking I'm a liar, Ruth Harris. I've never doubted you for a second, so don't do it to me. It hurts.'
               Speechless, I lowered my eyes and then quickly shut them tight.
'I don't want to hurt you, Hunter.'
'I don't want to hurt you either. Come here.' Hunter pulled me in close and took a deep breath. 'I love you.'
'I love you too. But -'
'No buts.' he said firmly. 'I love you, you love me, that's it. That's all that matters. Forget about other people, or where you are, or what's going on. We're just two people who love each other. Nothing else matters. Okay? Okay?'
'...O-Okay.' My knees started trembling so Hunter picked me up.
'You say it now, Ruth. So you never forget.'
'W-we're just two people who love each other. Nothing else matters.'
               Hunter whispered it along with me, and at the end lifted his head from mine. We smiled.