Just Me, Him, and Ten Others - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 20

When I think back to that night - the night that was supposed to be one of the best of my life, and was, until Jodie's big, ignorant mouth showed up - I think of the conversation Hunter and I had. It was damn near a breakup, and the thought of something so calamitous happening shook us both. We just sat on that stiff, hospital bed silently until it was time to leave, stewing in our own fear and misery and temporary fragmentation.
               A few seconds after Hunter's last line, the other couple returned. Andy and Jodie. Mama and Grandma followed.
'Hey guys. Sorry, we just, er, had to talk some stuff over.' Andy said. Jodie was looking at me.
'Sorry for what I said, Ruth.' she said. 'I didn't mean to shock you or anything, I didn't realise you had - well, I'm sorry.'
'It's alright.' I replied, trying to smile to undercut some of the tension in the room. 'It's all okay, I just, er, I just haven't seen Mike in a year - I wasn't expecting to hear his name any time soon. But you don't have to apologise.'
               Mama was beaming at me, her chest puffed up proudly. I didn't look at Hunter. He could have been sticking his tongue out for all I knew.
'Now they know what you're made of. Strength and forgiveness - it's a good shade on you!'
               From that moment, everyone in the room (except me and Hunter) relaxed, and the night continued on as if nothing had ever happened. The music came back on and they danced. Even when our song played, Hunter and I didn't stir out of our stares.

'I'm freezing. There could've been more booze. Or any.' Jodie hissed to Andy once we were all standing outside the hospital. Hunter's bag had been packed up, and the nurse had come to help him into a wheelchair. I would have done it if his touch didn't give me frostbite.
               Andy sent Jodie a questioning frown and clapped his cold hands together for our attention.
'Alright, I'm taking the Leeds lot and Mama's taking the Southamptons, so everyone decide where you're going. Oh, and someone should go in the hospital-transport-van-thing with Hunter.'
'There's not much to decide then, right?' Hunter said. 'It'll have to be you and Jodie, Grandma and Mrs Harris, and me and Ruth.'
'Yeah, I suppose so. Everyone cool with that?'
               Andy glanced at me nervously. The awkwardness between me and Hunter during the last hour of the evening wasn't exactly hidden.
'Hang on.' Mama said. 'Where are you and Hunter going, Ruth? Back to his flat, or to my house?'
               Now I looked at Hunter. He was faffing around with his shoelaces.
'I-I'm not sure. It's up to Hunter.'
'It's up to you.' he grumbled back, clearly underwhelmed at the impending alone time with me. I took a deep breath.
'Okay. Er, Hunter's flat then. Sorry Mama, it's just closer and Hunter hasn't been home for ages.'
'Brave choice.'
'Let's see if this evening can get any worse - ow! What? I never said I was going to interfere! I just want to see if Ruth messes it up on her own.'
'Ignore Julie, Ruth. We're all rooting for you and Hunter.'
'I understand.' Mama smiled warmly and gave me another big hug. 'I'll call you tomorrow, and we'll all meet up again very soon, okay?'
'Okay.'

We all parted ways. I waved goodbye to the others as they drove off, hesitating for as long as I could before returning to Hunter. He was in the van now, ready to be transported and waiting for me. I strolled over and sat beside him. No words were spoken for the first fifteen minutes.

Sitting opposite Hunter, watching the windscreen scrupulously, I thought back to that day eleven months ago when I braved the 5 hour journey from Southampton to Leeds, alone. Aside from readmitting myself to a psych hospital, getting on that train was the only adventure I had embarked on in my life with a pinch of confidence. I got on it because I couldn't stand my Hunter-withdrawal symptoms any longer. I readmitted myself because I couldn't stand to hurt him, or myself, again. You see, Hunter Brookes gives me the confidence to do scary, strenuous things that I would otherwise never consider. He truly is unlike any other man I have ever met. In less than a year he helped me wake up out of my toxic, unhealthy way of thinking and set me on a new, fearless path. Here's the proof:
               'I hate this.' I muttered under my breath. We were at the traffic lights about ten minutes away from Hunter's flat. Hunter quickly looked up from his shoes, at my darkened face. 'This is our first night out of our hospitals and we're not speaking.'
'I know.' he said dejectedly. 'Where do we go from here?'
'Normally I'm the one asking you that question. I-I don't know what we should do. I don't know a lot of things. We don't have many plans for the future or anything -'
'Because I didn't want to upset you when you were in the hospital, Ruth. I thought the more we mapped things out, the more you'd hate being stuck there.'
'- But,' I continued, 'I do know that I was wrong earlier.'
               Hunter raised an eyebrow. 'Hunter, I'm sorry for what I said. I-I was just so scared when I heard Mike's name. It's been so long since he was in my life, and now, without the hospital or Westone or Salieri, I just freaked out. I wasn't thinking about you and I'm sorry for that. Hunter, look at me.' He lifted his chin again, and I saw that his eyes glistened a little more than usual in the dim light. 'I know you are nothing like Mike. You've proven that a million times over, and I trust you. I love you. I don't want to lose you, amore mio. You make me feel safe. Really, really safe.'
'Ruth...'
'And I'm sorry I always mess things up before I can tell you that. You're a good man, Hunter. You deserve to be told that more often, and starting now I'll make sure you are.' I moved from my seat and sat in the one beside his wheelchair.
'Ruth.' he repeated. 'I lost my patience. That was wrong of me. I'm sorry.'
'Short but sweet.'
'With everything I put you through, feel free to lose your patience more often.' I said. 'Besides, you look cute when you're in a strop.'
               I smiled at him, and he tepidly snickered back.
'Any girl who could say that must be pretty smitten by me.'
'That I am, Hunter Brookes.' I slid my arms around his neck. It was strange being the brave one: the one to make the first step. A few months ago the thought of hugging someone, unprompted, would have made me blush and sweat. But now, with Hunter, I knew it could do no harm.
               My boyfriend leaned his head against my chest, and I rested my head on his. With his one free arm he stroked from my hand all the way up to my shoulder, and then turned to look at me.
'No more arguments tonight, deal?'
'Deal.'

*

I woke up in an unfamiliar room. The ceiling was white, like the ceiling in my dorm, but smooth, unlike the ceiling in my dorm.
               Shielding my eyes from the light, I turned my head and saw a pair of beige curtains that hadn't been closed. Then I spotted a chest of drawers, a bookshelf, a doorway and a few photos stuck to a mirror...and piece by piece the room came together to reveal itself. This was Hunter's bedroom. His body beside me was the main giveaway.
               After a few beautifully calm minutes, Hunter stirred, opened his eyes, and yawned. When he saw me watching him he smiled.
'Good morning, handsome.' I said.
'Good morning. Did you sleep okay?'
'Best sleep I've had in four months. You?'
'Same here. Although the hospital bed was surprisingly comfy - ow! Okay, fine, it was the best night in four months.'
'Thought so.' I smiled and pecked his lips. They were soft, and when I cuddled against his bare chest he smelt like vanilla and sandalwood. I did too, after using his shower gel last night. I felt so clean afterwards - do you know how nice it is to shower in a clean bathroom, without anyone watching, with products that don't smell of disinfectant? I will never take it for granted again.
               'I've missed this.' I sighed dreamily.
'Me too. You know, I've got nowhere to be today...'
'Lie in?'
'Good idea.' Hunter pulled me in closer, buried his face in my hair, and we lay together in perfect peace, just like we used to.

At around ten o'clock that morning we got up for breakfast. I'd gone four months without the freedom of cooking, meanwhile Hunter had been feebly attempting to cook for himself. So that day he was more than happy to kick back on the sofa in his casts while I more than happily fried up some eggs, bacon and French toast.
               While I was dishing up the food, Hunter spoke up:
'Ruth, do you want to talk about Salieri?'
               I froze. I had shared a room with that girl for almost a month, and within three days of her death I had forgotten all about her.
'Why?'
'Because last night your mum told me that her funeral is in two days, and so far you haven't said one word to me about it.' Hunter turned his head as far as he could to look at me. 'Ruth, I'm sorry about what happened to her. I know you wanted to help -'
'I did help her.' I whispered to myself.
'Sorry?'
'I did help her, Hunter. I showed her sense in a nonsensical world.'
               Hunter smiled.
'I bet you did.'
'Why are you smiling?'
'Because that's what you do when you're happy!'
'Hunter,' I said, 'a woman died. She was my friend. How can you be happy?'
'I'm not happy she's dead - of course I'm not. But, I'm happy because I bet the last month of Salieri's life was the best one. You said you gave her her life back - that's what you do, Ruth. It's what you did for me, it's what you did for your family -'
'I gave my family life, because I'm the one who took it away in the first place.' I mumbled, picking up our plates and taking them over to Hunter's coffee table. He was frowning at me. 'Right, right.' I said. 'No more blaming myself.'
'Your family wasn't right because Bertie joined it Ruth, you know that.' Hunter brushed my hair behind my ear sadly. 'Your spirit is what revived your family, and it's what revived me.'
               I looked up at Hunter and tried to smile.
'Your food's going cold.'
               'Do you know what I keep thinking?' I asked as we ate.
'Mm?'
'Salieri will never have this.'
'Hm?'
'Salieri. She'll never get another chance to live a free life, with a handsome Prince Charming who treats her right and understands her diagnoses, whatever they are.' I said, pushing the food around my plate. 'She'll never be able to make plans with her family or friends again, or do any of these 'normal' things that me and her used to find it so hard to do. She's missing out.'
               'Your food is cold now.' Hunter remarked, after hoovering up his own.
'Did you hear what I said?'
'Yes, Ruth, I'm sorry. I was just enjoying your cooking.'
               Hunter cleared his throat at my unimpressed look, and added, 'But I am really sorry that she's gone. I'm sure there will be loads of stuff that she misses out on - she was only a kid, after all. But you can't let what she did knock you down -'
               A thud at the door interrupted Hunter, leaving his words strung in the air like damp clothes on a washing line.
'Are you expecting someone?'
'No.' Hunter said. 'Would you get it for me, please?'
               I stood up and walked over to the door. As my hand neared the door knob I could feel that something was off; the anger in the knock, the silence that followed, the creaking floorboards outside in the hallway...something wasn't right.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I opened it.