Just Me, Him, and Ten Others - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 25

'Oh, here they come.' Hunter said to me, so I quickly folded away our bucket list and moved to the chair beside my boyfriend. Habitually I went to put my jacket back on (to cover the scars on my forearms), but Hunter grabbed it first and hung it on the back of my chair. 'Leave it off, Ruth, please. You look so pretty.'
'But, Hunter -'
'Remember that day at the beach?' was all he managed to say before Andy and Jodie entered earshot. I was still staring in reminiscence when Andy put his hand on my shoulder.
               'Hey you!' he greeted.
'Hi!' I stood up like a robot, gave him a quick hug, and then let my arms glue to my sides. Hunter reached past me to shake Jodie's hand, casually knocking Andy's fist on the way back.
'Hiya guys. Nice to see you again, Jodie.'
'Hi, Hunter, hi, Ruth! How are you both?' Jodie chirped sweetly, pulling off her cardigan and standing before us all in a vest and shorts. It was early February. In England. I was lucky to get away with a t-shirt and jeans without freezing to death.
'We're good thanks. I'm still adjusting to normal life again, but I've loved spending the week with Hunter.' I replied, as sweetly as I could. Hunter smiled and slid his unbroken arm around my chair. 'How are you guys?'
'Peachy, thanks.' Andy said. 'I've just been on the phone with Mama. It would seem, that she's got a hot date tonight.'
'What?' I gasped.
               We all sat around the table in the corner of the café, staring at Andy quizzically.
'Yep. I called her to check in and she said she was shopping. Obviously she never goes shopping on her own, so I pressed her for a while and she eventually admitted she's going out for dinner with a guy from work.'
               Hunter glanced over at me but didn't let me see.
'Did she say his name?'
'Nope. She was being super mysterious over the whole thing.' Andy's typical smirk was still there, but his eyes were telling a different story. 'I think she's embarrassed.'
'Why?' I asked.
'Because dating at forty five isn't the same as dating in your twenties. It's...different.'
'But I know what you really mean is, 'Because the last time Mama dated you got raped, and she doesn't want to worry us'.'
'I think it's cute.' Jodie said, winding her arms around Andy's. 'She deserves to be happy.'
'Who is this girl anyway?'
'Where have you been, Hailey? That's Jodie, Andy's girlfriend of a month and a half. She's the girl who busted up Ruth's welcome home party, worked with Mike and has too many opinions.'
'I know, I know, I meant, who does this girl think she is!?'
'Yeah, she does.' I replied to Jodie, wishing her words had been mine.
               'So...Anything new in the life of Andy and Jodie?' Hunter asked, trying his best to change the subject before any more tension could arise. Jodie was flipping her ponytail from side to side as if she was too hot, despite the grey, wintry sky outside.
'Well, we went to that new Italian restaurant the other day - Capriccio's? It was really nice.' she said. 'I'd been craving Italian ever since I tasted your mum's cooking!'
               As Jodie spoke I noticed how much she used her arms. They were waving around her like palm leaves over a Pharaoh, fearlessly and confidently. She had no scars to hide, and probably no stretch marks either, so she chatted away, charming Hunter and Andy, while I sat opposite her like a statue. I was terrified that if I moved my arms the wrong way the huge, white scars would catch someone's eye and become an elephant in the room - and there were enough of them already. I was rigid and uncomfortable and Hunter knew it. The new, honeymoon-eyed couple may not have been able to sense my internal panic, but Hunter could. He always can.
               'It's cold in here, right?' he said, shuddering and pulling his jumper sleeve down over his splint.
'Yeah.' I said, putting my jacket on almost before I had spoken. Hunter winked at me. I squeezed his leg as a thank you. 'You must be freezing, Jodie.'
'Nope, not me. I'm still warm from the ten-k I ran earlier!' she chuckled. The rest of us just nodded.
'She runs.'
'She runs far.'
'She's sporty. Hunter's sporty. Andy's sporty. Ruth likes cooking.'
               'I'll be right back.' I said a few minutes later, bored to the brink of dissociation by Andy's work story that all of the 'grown ups' seemed to understand.
'Going to the ladies'? I'll come with you!' Jodie gasped, rushing to my side and walking in step with me to the toilets. I sighed underneath my smile. Hunter watched us leave. Andy was still absorbed in his own storytelling. I glanced back at him before we passed through the doors, and he flashed me a quick smile before refocusing on Andy's story. It was then that I realised Jodie was speaking.
              'I keep telling him that if he loves his job so much, he should date it instead of me!' Jodie looked at me expectantly.
'Andy? Yeah, he loves his job.'
'I mean, he's no doctor or pilot, but it earns him enough money.' She fluffed her hair up in the mirror and applied some lip gloss.
'So...that's important to you then? Money?' I asked. I think I wanted a reason to dislike her, because so far I felt guilty for it.
'Oh please, money makes the world go round, no matter what people like to say! I'm twenty five now, I like to know the guy I'm with can support himself, and isn't some bum just trying to scrounge off me, you know?'
'Yeah, I suppose.' I said. I needed the toilet, but nobody else was around to make any noise and this was only my second interaction with Jodie. I couldn't exactly pee in the same room as her yet. However, going to the bathroom was better than gazing at my own reflection, and this way she couldn't watch my face as we partook in the inevitably, overly personal 'girl talk'.
               'What about Hunter? Is he earning the big bucks? I noticed that ruby necklace on your neck, and your sapphire ring. Are they from him?'
'He gave me the necklace when I went into the hospital. The ring is from Mama.' I called out through the stall door.
'Leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone.'
'Wow. You golddigger.' Jodie said, and it took me a moment to realise she was joking. It wasn't very funny. 'So Hunter does alright for himself then? You're lucky he's not pushing you to get a job!'
'I'm working on it.' I said. As I flushed the toilet I had a second to think. Why was I justifying my lack of employment to this woman? She barely knew me, yet I felt unworthy in her eyes. It wasn't my fault I was sent away to a psychiatric hospital before I could sit my GCSEs, and spent the following five years in the depths of an abyssal breakdown.
               Jodie changed the subject, clearly disinterested in my ambitions.
'So were you looking for a Hunter, or was Hunter looking for a Ruth?' she asked.
'Huh?'
'You know, was Hunter chasing you or were you chasing him? Andy told me you guys were all friends as kids, and apparently you always had an obvious soft spot for each other. So who had the bigger crush?'
'Er, I'm not sure, really.' I said. I had definitely made the right choice by locking myself away: I was blushing like mad.
'Andy and Jodie talk about me and Hunter? What else does she know?'
               Eventually, I managed to gather my thoughts, leave the stall and say,
'Hunter would say he liked me more than I liked him, but I always thought he was handsome, and kind, and effortlessly...'
'Fun?' Jodie said. I paused, wondering what kind of 'fun' this woman had had with my Hunter.
'Yeah. Fun.'
'I get that. When you were, um, away, I met Hunter a few times. Just at Andy's flat. We played a few rounds of Call of Duty. He's got a great sense of humour.'
'That he does.' I said, a botox smile on my face. 'So you three hung out a lot?'
'Nah, just once or twice. Andy didn't want Hunter to get lonely without you.'
               I tried to smile again but couldn't. I'd made Hunter lonely - that's what Jodie said, wasn't it? I'd made him lonely enough to hang out with a new brunette, with a bigger smile and narrower eyes who wasn't the certified psycho baby sister of his best friend.
               'Hey,' Jodie asked, 'Mike told me you had pink hair once. Do you have a picture of that?'
'Er, I think so.' I pulled out my phone and scrolled to an old photo of me and Mama, both looking over our shoulders as Andy snapped a photo of us ice skating. Jodie looked a little deflated, as if she had expected to see Mike in the picture. She smiled sweetly anyway.
               'So, Mike.' she then said, out of the blue. I froze for a few seconds because suddenly the walls were getting closer and closer together, along with my ribs.
'Mike?'
'Yeah, you know, the guy you dated for eight months and then chucked in jail?' Jodie sniggered. 'I mean come on, that was almost a year long relationship! You must have something to say about it.'
'Not really.' I said, hoping my tone would be enough to warn her not to push this.
'Come on. Just give me a little something - like, how was he in bed?'
'Jodie! You were his psychologist!'
'We're both women here, Ruth! Mike's an attractive guy, I just want to know if he lived up to all the bragging he did in prison.' Jodie looked at me with a twinkle in her eye that I hadn't seen since Ava found Salieri's diary.
'I-I can't. Hunter -'
'Hunter's out there. We're in here. Come on, dish. Oh! Unless you don't want to tell me because Mike was better?'
'What? No! Hell no!' I shrieked, forcing a loud laugh from Jodie's lips. 'Mike was selfish, in every way. And he was too...he didn't know his own strength sometimes. Mike was a mistake, Jodie. You should know that. He was somebody I dated because I was lonely and miserable - but Hunter, he's perfect. He makes me feel like -'
'Yeah, I get it. He's The One. Blah blah blah.' Jodie sighed and turned back to her reflection.
'How the HELL is this girl a psychologist? She's got more attitude than Hailey, and is more insensitive than Julie!'
'Hey!'
               'Well,' Andy's girlfriend continued, 'You should know that Mike still loves you. You're all he used to talk about in our sessions.'
'Oh really!? I'm surprised you weren't too busy undressing each other and sticking your tongue down his throat!'
'Enough, Hailey. The girl means well.'
'You naïve old bat, Fischer. 'The Girl' is a manipulative little gossip, who's doing Mike's dirty work for him.'
'I-I'm surprised you're allowed to tell me about that. Because of, y'know, patient confidentiality.' I said. Jodie looked at me and smirked.
'It's okay. He's out of prison now, so it's not like he'll have the means to sue me.'
               I picked my chin up off the floor.
'So do you like him, or not?'
'Sorry?'
'Well you tell me he loves me and make out like he's a decent human being, but then you mock the fact that he's a destitute ex-con.' The aggression in my voice only worsened throughout my little speech. 'So do you like him, or not?'
               Jodie didn't look astounded, annoyed or even amused. She just shrugged.
'I like him.' she said. My jaw hit the ground again.
'But, why do you - how could you possibly, after everything -'
'Ruth, I know what the man did to you. But I also know that he is an ex-soldier who made a few mistakes, and genuinely wants to be forgiven. You don't have to have him back, but can't you just see him, one more time, to make things right? Closure is good and healthy for everyone involved.'
               I didn't waste my breath screaming at this girl. I could have ranted and raved about how Mike is toxic and psychopathic and cruel, and how I had to go no-contact for the sake of my health, and then I could have shouted some more about the things he did to me and the warning signs I missed - and trust me, there was nothing I wanted to do more - ...but I didn't. This woman didn't understand that sometimes giving someone an inch means you end up losing a mile (or a year of your life). If years of practising psychology couldn't teach her that, how could I? So, I buttoned my lips together tightly, held my head up high and just walked away.
               I spotted Hunter and Andy across the café, laughing hysterically about something. Jodie caught up and stood in front of me, both hands on my shoulders.
               'Ruth,' she said, using my name like a proper psychologist now, 'what's wrong? Is it something I said?'
'Mike -' I started off shouting, but then lowered my voice when a few of the waitresses looked my way. 'Mike is a bad guy, Jodie! He cut me, and beat me, and emotionally abused me for eight months. I will never go back to him. Ever. Do you understand that?'
'You go girl!'
'Woo hoo, take this ignorant child down!'
               Jodie narrowed her eyes at me.
'Mike hasn't been to see you yet, has he.'
'What? How did you - wait. Did you send him? Jodie, please tell me you didn't tell him to find me.' My breaths were getting shorter and shallower now.
'I...I did. Yes. I thought it would help -'

I fled.

Mike had planned this. Way back when he was in prison, he was planning this. I don't know how, I don't know why, but he was out to get me. Any unemployed, mentally ill, violent abuser knows their chances of reconciliation with a loved one are slim, so Mike made a contingency plan. If he couldn't get me back, he would send in somebody else to do his dirty work. Something about Jodie was off from the first moment I met her, and not just because I was jealous of the way she looked. It would be so easy for someone as manipulative as Mike to feed her his sob story over and over and over, until she was willing to try and warm me up to him again herself. People use people - it's how the world works, unfortunately. And sometimes people can be much cleverer about it than you might think.
               'Ruth, I don't know about that. Doesn't it seem a little...I don't know, paranoid, to you?'
'No. But you seem a little naïve to me.' I said bluntly, when Hunter and I were back inside his flat that evening. He never got mad with me for running away from the café: he just rolled up to me sitting on his doorstep, dismissed Andy and sat there, waiting until I was calm enough to explain myself.
               I began to pace again. 'Mike's an expert in manipulation and using people, Hunter. He used me for eight months, and by the end of it I would let him use a knife on me and cover for him to my own mother! He had me in the palm of his hand and I hated it. I won't let him control me anymore. I won't.'
'I know. Come here.' Hunter moved himself onto the sofa and I slid onto his unbroken knee. 'Mike's a bad dude and a smart dude, I know. I know he's capable of doing terrible things - don't forget how he beat you up two years ago and got me arrested for it.'
'I remember.' I put my arms around Hunter's neck and kissed his temple. 'You fought him off and called the ambulance. You saved my life.' Hunter looked up at me, smirking.
'Alright, I'll take credit for that. You can thank me in any way you want, just be gentle. I've got broken bones for three more weeks, but then you can thank me as roughly as you want.'
'Maybe I will.' I flirted back, getting up to check the oven. 'So, you don't think I'm crazy?'
'I never have. But I also don't think that Jodie has been coerced into making you take Mike back and dump me. I'm sorry, Ruth, I just don't. She might say the wrong things at the wrong times, but she's not brainwashed.'
'Hunter,' I whined, 'the woman has spent a whole year working with Mike, alone! He's told her things about me - Jodie admitted that to me herself! And I'm sure he's been making me out to be the villain. He lies, and tricks people. You can't trust him.'
'I don't, but -'
'Don't think that once he got out of prison he didn't take his chance to get Little Miss Perfect on his side! I mean, look at the things she said to me earlier! She's unprofessional, and loves drama, and Mike can tell those things about a person. He's using her. He wants her to change my mind about him, because he's a crappy actor. How long did he keep up his pitiful gimmick the other day before turning?'
'Let's say he is using her.' Hunter said. He skipped right over my new nickname for Jodie. 'Let's say all that's true, and Jodie thinks you're crazy and in the wrong for what happened between you and Mike. Who cares?'
'What?'
'Who cares? You've been in my life since day one, Ruth! Andy and I have known Jodie for a month. A month. Of course we'd side with you over her any day!'
'R-really?' I asked, twiddling my thumbs nervously. 'Even Andy? Because they're going to be getting pretty serious about each other soon -'
'Even if they fall in love and get married - which I don't think is very likely -, Ruth, he'll pick you. You're his sister for goodness' sake! You're his family. He loves you, even if he doesn't say it very often. Jodie won't change his mind on what we've already laid to rest.' Hunter stood up and, with difficulty, moved over to the kitchen counter to sit on a stool. He took my hands in his. 'Everything with Mike is over, Ruth. And once your restraining order comes through, you'll feel much safer. I promise. Mike is history, so just let him be history, please?'
'Okay. Yeah. Of course, Hunter.'
'Thank you.'

But history is never finished with. It is constantly in a state of alteration, being refined and redefined and refined again, until the only thing that remains is what the victors want you to know. It's humanity's most advanced form of brainwashing, and I had been brainwashed one too many times by bad people. I couldn't let my history shadow me any longer, but neither could I lay it to rest unattended when Jodie and Mike were circling it, trying to make The Leach emerge victorious. My past is my past, and nobody will change the narrative of it. Not even my selves: all we could do was protect the truth contained inside the past and hope that that, combined with my actions, was enough to prove my side of the story. You know, if I ever had to, God forbid.