the anatomy of love [BxB] COMPLETED

49

Jackson thinks he has memorized the ceiling. A small chip in the corner. Some mismatched paint to cover some chipping. Shredded remains of blue masking tape that will probably never be removed.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Lauren asks at the door.

Jackson gives her a small smile. It's the best he can do. "I'm not hungry. Thanks though."

Lauren and Caleb have been worriedly tending to him all morning, especially when Jackson called in sick for practice. Caleb went alone and without him here Lauren is visibly anxious, probably thinking that Caleb will know how to cheer Jackson up better than anyone.

His limbs feel leaden. Every cell in his body screams for him to go back to sleep, to shut his eyes and waste the day away in oblivion. Jackson wants the world to stop spinning. He wants to cry. He wants to disappear. But he mostly just wants Wes in his arms again.

No. That's over. He needs to stop thinking of him. Wes didn't want him, not the way Jackson needed him to. And that's fine. There's nothing he can do about it. Jackson needs to move on and the quicker the better. His team has playoffs and nationals if they do well, and as captain, Jackson needs to be there for them. Be there not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. They need all of him, not just the remains of a catastrophe.

Jackson doesn't even know why he's so heartbroken over him. Wes might be attractive and rich, but so what? He's been with plenty of guys with money and good looks, and if either party wanted to cut things off, no hard feelings on both ends. That's how things always worked for Jackson, so why is it so different now?

Do you love Wes?

Yes.

Yeah, that'll change things. He can almost laugh, but that will only make him cry more, and his head already hurts from last night.

"Jackson, how are you?" Caleb asks, stepping into the room, still sweaty and muddy from practice.

"How was practice?" Jackson asks instead of replying.

Caleb accepts the dodge with a worried smile. "Great. I mean, it was hell, but we got good work done. Nels gave a speech about taking care of our bodies and spiritual energy at the end of practice, so thanks for that."

"Classic Nels," Jackson says with a wry smile. He looks away from the searching look on Caleb's face, fiddling with a loose string from his sheets.

"Maybe you could distract yourself," Caleb suggests quietly. "Tonight."

"Like, watch Harry Potter?"

Caleb blushes. "No. Like going out. To a club."

"No," Jackson says immediately. Jackson doesn't really feel like finding anyone else. The thought of another person makes his stomach turn.

"Hear me out," Caleb says insistently, which can never be a good sign. "Just for tonight. Get drunk, let loose, and find someone to forget yourself for a little while. Maybe even for revenge, if that helps."

"I thought you didn't like when I did that?" Jackson asks, bemused.

Caleb rolls his eyes. "Before it was almost every night. This will just be once, to get him out of your system. It's different, trust me."

"You're asking me to trust you?" Jackson teases.

"Be serious," Caleb says.

"Never thought I'd see the day that word came out of your mouth."

"Just go. Tonight. You might be surprised."

Jackson sighs. "Fine. I'll go. On one condition."