Ties

Chapter Forty-Two

Blaze gives his usual dismissive teenager reaction, arguing that he's fine. That the school nurse was overreacting. Swatting at me when I put my hands all over his face, checking his forehead.

"There's nothing wrong with me!" He shoves my hands, pushing me off him. "God!"

"How long has this been going on, Blaze?"

Turning my head from the passenger seat of Chaz's car to the back, only to receive a glare from annoyed green eyes—Blaze's hand smacks over his face, sliding down as he lets a hard puff of air blow from his nostrils.

"Not long." He shrugs, quickly looking away from me, staring out the window.

It's only a few blocks, but I didn't know if he'd be okay to walk. When I went to leave, Chaz offered to drive. He hasn't said a word, letting me coddle Blaze, helping him in the car, without a single comment. Even when he was younger, my ex would constantly complain that he took all my attention, that I never focused on his needs.

Yeah, fuckwad—a sick kid will do that to you!

"We need to get you checked out. Maybe we should go straight to the hospital? I want them to do bloodwork, I want to find out right now—"

Chaz reaches over, eyes not leaving the road, softly giving my forearm a squeeze before lacing his fingers through mine. I try to take a breath. Blaze groans in loud protest from the back seat.

"This is why I didn't want to say anything," he spits out the words. "Because you'd act like this and make a big fucking deal out of nothing."

Chaz's eyes flick up to the rearview with a scowl planted between his brows. Blaze quickly apologizes, "Sorry, Mom. I just didn't want you to freak out. It's not like I can't just get sick, you know? Like a normal human."

That's the part that breaks my heart. Nothing about him will ever be normal again for me. When your child has a life-threatening illness, it's almost impossible to get out of your own head; to picture them as actually normal—healthy. You want that bubble to stay tight and secure around them, letting nothing in—well; I think all mothers feel this way, sick kids or not.

I've been through this too many times. The hopefulness and the heartbreak. Sick days that drag on forever. The wish that you could take all the bad and somehow put it in your own body is unbearable.

I can already feel the desperate and isolating feeling creeping back in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back at my place, I head into the bedroom to change out of my work clothes. Already thinking about which specialist's office I'm calling first, going straight to frantic mom-mode.

A soft knock on the door makes me turn my head. Chaz peeks in with a half-smile, his eyes wide—guarded—just waiting for some sort of direction.