ENTRIES

September 21

We got our marks today. I have done ok in all subjects except maths. Maths is just so hard for me. Everyone says that this year is crucial as we have our public exams coming up. So I'm trying my best to keep up with all the work. Jason has not done very well. He is so lazy sometimes. He and Mia studies together sometimes. I don't know why he never asks me for help. I'm quite good at academics, even better than Mia. Maybe he is more used to studying with Mia. During our IT class we were talking about our future plans. I feel very insecure sometimes because Jason keeps on talking about leaving school. I wanted to know his stand about us. So I asked him what his plans were for the next year.

"Nothing much", he said.

I wasn't going to let him go with that.

"Suppose you leave school. Then what are we gonna do? ", I asked.

"I'm going to come and see you whenever I feel like it. And by that I mean everyday ", he took my hand and squeezed it.

A buttery warmth filled my body and I felt very happy. It was during moments like this when I loved him the best. Yeah!  I said love. I think I might love him!. I was enjoying my safe haven with Jason when Mia kicked me.

" Stop your PDA love birds ", she said.

For a second I felt like killing her for ruining our moment but then I remembered that she was right. I didn't like it when people got 'lovey dovey' in public and I was doing it now. So I shook out of my reverie and concentrated on my work. Later I went to the cafeteria to get ice cream with all my friends. I saw Jason flirting with Mia and some other girls. He does this all the time. Whenever he has a group of girls near him, he starts to flirt. But then no one can be perfect and it was just casual flirting. So I ignore it. I waved and smiled at them and he blew me a kiss. As I've told you earlier, my friends liked Mathew better. They think that Jason should treat me better. I told them about us almost a week ago and they were so annoyed. They didn't speak to me for almost 2 days for hiding it from them. But then they told me almost a hundred reasons on how Mathew was better than Jason and that made me laugh.

" You deserve better", they told me like always.
( They have been saying this for the past one week. In fact this was the first thing they told me when I told them about us!)

And I just smiled it off and changed the subject like always. Later I was talking with Mia.

"Jason likes you a lot", she told me.

I found her tone envious. Maybe I was reading into the lines too much. I don't know.

"Yeah I know", I said.

"Who would have thought that Jason, so cool, so gorgeous, would go for YOU",  she said stressing the word you

"What do you mean", I asked.

"Oh nothing", she smiled at me and walked away.

Now what was that supposed to mean?  That I was never meant to have someone like Jason like me? I tried to forget about the whole conversation but it kept coming back to me. I know my self worth and I know that I don't have to compare myself to anyone, but I just couldn't help thinking if I was good enough for Jason. A good sleep might help me get over this feeling. So I'm gonna go. Bye.

PS: Mia is such a bitch sometimes!