ENTRIES

October 15

Today was started out just fine. Last week me and Jason talked everything out and I was happy that our relationship was in such a safe place. I was glad that he trusted me enough to share things with me. It made me feel good. We had double maths and everyone was feeling crushed under the work load. We felt so relieved when we got a free hour. I started solving math problems with Tessa and Jason was talking to Mia. Suddenly a paper ball hit me. I opened it.

Jas don't be a bore. Lets play.

I smiled and wrote back.

No way.

Soon another one hit me.

Don't say no.

So I wrote another one.

Not gonna play with you guys.

I threw it back to Ash who caught it neatly. He opened it and pretended to be offended. I made a face at him.

We'll see, came the next one.

And out of nowhere a huge paper ball fight erupted. Many of the boys joined but most of the girls just sat there watching and enjoying. They even started keeping scores. We arranged the desks so that me along with my team was on one side and my friends were on the other side. It was surprising that no teacher came to check on us even though we were making a lot of noise. It was a pleasant distracting from all the work. We soon got bored. But then someone got a football and we started a football match. There wasn't enough space to play but we didn't mind it at all. I dribbled the ball and passed it to Amish. He passed it back and I dodged the defender and took a shot. It was a goal! We played for 30 minutes with a break in between. We hit each other,fell down a number of times and laughed a lot. The game ended as a tie but we decided to celebrate anyway. We put on some music and started dancing. The music blared through the speakers.

     Come on,come on
     Turn the radio on
     It's Friday night
     And it won't be long
     Wanna do my hair
     Put my make upon
     It's Friday night
    And it won't be long
 
We danced ,twerked, and had a lot of fun. We took turns to cartwheel and shouted the chorus.

"I love cheap thrills",we yelled.

Then suddenly someone pulled me roughly by my wrist, I stumbled. I looked up to see Jason looking very angry as he pulled me out of the dance group.

"Jason, you are hurting me" I cried.

"Well you deserve it"

I froze at his cold look.

"Do you even know to behave normally"? His eyes shone with anger.

Somebody switched the music off.

"Let's not do this here. Everyone is here", I told him as I saw the entire class staring at us.

"Why can't you be normal, like everyone else" his voice was loud and it made me flinch.

"You are humiliating me. Let's not make a scene here. Please lets go outside and talk" I was practically begging.

"Oh so now I'm humiliating you? That's so funny".

"Jason please", I said .

"You can't even let a moment go without having guys lay their hands on you huh?" , he looked at me with disgust.

Blood rushed out of my face.

"What the fuck did you say", I whispered.

"That you are behaving like a slut".

I slapped him hard on the face.

"Never call me that again", I shouted.

Jason looked stunned. A look of regret swept his face. Hot angry tears were running down my face. I quickly turned away and walked out of the class to the washroom. I sat down on the floor , put my arms around my knees and cried.

I sat there till my eyes could produce no more tears. I slowly got up and tidied myself.

I have to get back to class, I thought.

I slowly walked back. Jason was not there.

"I'm sorry guys", I said to the entire class.

I was soon surrounded by people asking me if I was okay.

" I'm okay" I kept saying.

I didn't see Jason for the rest of the day.  I was relieved about it because I  really didn't have the energy to face him. As soon as the last class was done, I quickly walked out of the class. Someone called my name. I turned to see Mia. She started walking with me.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about this,  but I think you should hear me out", she said.

" Mmmmm"

"Your reaction was justified,  anyone would have reacted that way",  she said.

"Thanks" I said,  feeling very uncomfortable.

"But no guy likes to see his girl go crazy in front of the entire class".

"I was playing, everyone was having fun. If he had some problem he should have talked to me in private.  This is our personal problem and not the business of the entire class",  I said.

" You did go crazy. It was pretty embarrassing ", she said.

My eyes widened in anger.

" Well, this is who I am. If he can't handle it, he better find some solution. Because I have no plans in changing myself", I glared at her and walked away.

I really don't know how to feel. Did I really do something wrong? Jason is embarrassed of me?  I really don't know.  I've never felt so confused about everything. Did I do wrong by following my heart? Is this what people call a toxic relationship? I don't know. All I know is that, I love Jason. And I'm gonna try my best to keep us going, no matter what.
Bye.