I See You, You See Me

Let's Be Awkward Together

Y/N informed Namjoon of the wedding decisions, but she didn't expect him to really contribute anymore. She left it up to him. He knew how he was recovering the best, if he was able he'd tell her. And sometimes he surprised her and felt up for meetings with planners and designers. Jimin liked those times the best, Namjoon seemed less lost in thought and he could keep an eye on him.

When she and he were together, it felt like they were friends. To him. Namjoon hoped she felt the same way.

Y/N had her feet propped up on the coffee table, scrolling through a tablet. Namjoon was reading an art book he'd started awhile back and Jimin was working on his own tablet.

"I know it's still a couple months away but you both do need to talk about the mating." Namjoon choked and Y/N's head whipped to the side. Jimin just looked at them both sternly. "Not talking about it will just make it more awkward." He was right. They both knew it. And neither wanted to go there.

"I'm just...." Y/N glanced at Namjoon. "I'd rather wait till you feel better and more stable...."

"I'm not made of glass, Y/N." Namjoon could tell things were starting to get better. Some of his confidence was coming back. Because sometimes it annoyed him a bit, how Y/N didn't want to go over difficult things. He knew why she was doing it, she didn't want to stress him and overwhelm him. He supposed it was probably a good sign that it bothered him, it meant mentally he was getting into a space where he could worry about things like that.

Y/N snapped her mouth shut and nodded, to her credit. She took her cues from him and he obviously felt somewhat better this evening, if he was being so direct with his opinion. Progress. She wasn't offended, just relieved.

"We will talk about it soon. But I'm not doing it with you in the room." She looked at Jimin pointedly and he shrugged.

"That's okay by me, I really do not want to know anything my brother's sex life." Namjoon glared at him.

"As if I would tell you anything." Little shit.

Y/N tuned out their small back and forth as she looked over some stock reports. And frowned. This was....weird. She looked over at Jimin and thought about asking him to take a look, but......at some point there needed to be a true division of labor. She needed to be able to look at these things herself, manage it herself. Did she want to? No. Was it wise? Yes.

So she tapped out a note to herself and continued looking through more reports. Until it was time for Jimin to leave.

And then she and Namjoon just sat, looking at each other awkwardly.

"So....I hear you have to bite me." Y/N finally started. Namjoon shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah."

"And you have to be really turned on." More shifting.

"Yeah. It's....it's not that I think you're ugly or anything...."

"It's just weird when we don't know each other that well, we were basically arranged...." Namjoon nodded.

"And I wasn't looking for anyone."

"Me either." Y/N bit her lip. Then flopped her head back and groaned. "I hate Jimin." She lied dramatically.

"Same." Namjoon was in rare form tonight, he wasn't hesitating and rethinking the things he wanted to say. And she liked that. That meant he felt safer. "I guess we'll have to take baby steps and work up to it before the wedding."

"I agree. It also makes me feel really awkward and I'd rather go bury my head in a hole in the sand than think and talk about it." Namjoon laughed.

"Says miss "I kidnapped him because I was horny"." He teased and Y/N grinned.

"I mean.....was anyone gonna disagree?"

"The Chairwoman probably had a heart attack when she heard that."

"So prudish." Y/N scoffed.

"We're both kind of prudes." Namjoon pointed out and Y/N grew quiet. He had to stop and remind himself that he hadn't said anything wrong, it was okay to say what he thought.

"I'm not very good at being vulnerable, and I feel like that's very vulnerable." She admitted. She could talk about others. But not herself. And Namjoon felt like it was his turn to be the understanding one.

"How come?" Y/N sighed and closed her eyes. Maybe not seeing anything would make it easier to speak.

"I've learned a lot about you, like how you are now." She gestured vaguely in his direction. "But you know almost nothing about me. And I need to fix that. But....." Her voice trailed off.

"It's scary." Namjoon finished quietly and she nodded, eyes still closed.

"Yeah. But it's not fair to you because you have no idea what you're walking into." Namjoon wondered what could possibly be worse than dealing with the aftermath of his trauma.

"Well when you're ready, I'll be here."

"Okay." The word was so quiet, he barely heard it. But he saw her lips move.

-

It was a week later that Namjoon began to develop an idea of what she had meant. He had taken a big step for him and been escorted by his security detail to Jungkook's place. To sit, chill, and work on computers. Get out for a bit. Something that had been so normal now seemed like such a big deal and he had a feeling, like he had to constantly look over his shoulder.

Jungkook acted like his visit was the most normal thing on earth, in an attempt to get his hyung to chill. It felt good. Namjoon knew he missed what he'd done before, but he hadn't realized how much of him ached over his loss. He'd grown numb to it.

He was thinking about texting Hoseok, seeing if he could start to ease back into dancing, when he walked into his place and stopped, unsure. Jimin was pacing back and forth, a clear smell of distress on him.