Hurt So Good (Kylo Ren x Reader)

She Told Me

(A/N: Ahhh! This chapter was supposed to be longer, but it seemed right like this. I hope you enjoy! Also, like the film major I am, I made a Spotify soundtrack for this fic, so here's the link! https://rb.gy/s8y1yb

Also, I saw the first TikTok about this story and I literally cried! Okay, now enjoy!) 

As you were walking back into the tower, you passed by a grinning Leia. She was walking out as you walked in, and she gave you an assuring wink as she left. No words, nothing else. You looked over your shoulder as she exited the premises graceful as ever. You wondered how their talk had gone. You looked forward and continued the walk to the elevator. You were secretly hoping that the elevator would break down, and you would just be stuck there rather than having to go confront Kylo.

You shifted on your feet nervously as the elevator ascended. Had he made amends? There was no way. Had he cold heartedly demanded his mom leave and never come back? Had he somehow convinced himself you were bad for him, and he was going to be sending you back home? There were so many possibilities. The elevator stopped, and the doors opened.

He wasn't in the living room any more. Not in the kitchen. You didn't even dare try his office, so you took the hall and walked into your bedroom. You gingerly pushed the door open to see Kylo sitting on his side of the bed, back against the headboard. His suit jacket was on the ground, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging on his built frame. He had on no pants and no shoes or socks. What the hell had happened, you wondered to yourself. You stood in the doorway, head low, but eyes directly on him. He looked up from his phone and his eyes were surprisingly soft. His face wasn't tight, and he seemed relaxed. This is not what you had expected at all.

"What happened?" you said sheepishly.

He simply lifted a hand and beckoned you forward. You took small, slow steps to him. You were standing by the bed, inches from him. Kylo stared at you for a moment. His eyes darted all over your face. He must have been noting your tear stained cheeks.

As you were about to break the silence, Kylo's arm wrapped around your waist pulling you on top of him. You were straddling his lap facing toward him. His hands rested on your full hips while he examined your face further. He sighed before cupping your cheeks with his hands.

"I should have been more open with you. You only wanted to know who I am," he nodded as he reassured you. His thumb caressed your skin softly as he continued. "I am not and will not ever be who I was. But who I was, as much as I despise him, was just as important in getting you into my life. It's not fair to keep that from you."

You weren't showing any indication of feeling, but your heart was growing fuller by the moment. His hands fell to your waist.

"My mother has a way of reminding people of their priorities, of the things that matter most. It made me sick a lot of the time growing up. My dad was the same way. When things would seem so pressing, so important, like every decision I ever made was going to be the next to make or break me, they would remind me that the most important thing is being true to myself and giving what I can to others. I haven't given you half of what I should have." He swallowed, his eyes glassy.

"I want to be great for you. I want to be what you want me to be, but I cannot go back to who I was. I can go forward, and I can change for the better, but there's no going back. I would love to grow and change with you, if you'll have me," his eyes were desperate. It was as if he was afraid he was losing you.

"I will," you whispered. "You are enough."

He gave you a weak smile before pulling you into his chest. His arms wrapped around your waist and squeezed you tight. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, your face nuzzling into his neck. His hair tickled your face.