Hurt So Good (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Denouement

You stood there for a long time. You stared at his sunken in, tired face, and you didn't say a word. He looked like he had lost weight, and the bags under his eyes confirmed to you that he hadn't slept in ages. Finally, involuntarily, your hand found his cheek, searching for the warmth you had missed so much. He leaned his face into your palm, planting a small, light kiss on it.

"Kylo..." you whispered.

"Please let me come in. I will explain everything to you," he grabbed your hand in his own. You stepped to the side, still unable to form a coherent thought. Kylo stepped through the thresh hold of your home, and you felt a million things. Your heart was in a kind of pain that even childbirth couldn't compare to. You had begun thinking of him as if he were dead, so it was as if you were being visited by a ghost. He still held your hand as he closed and locked your front door behind him. He led you into the home and made his way into your living area. The entire walk to the living room, his eyes kept darting between you and the baby.

"Please sit," he gestured to your couch, and he sat in the seat directly next to you. Your brows were knit together as you continued to stare at him, still in disbelief that he was here in the flesh. It had been seven months since you saw him. He had never even laid eyes on his daughter, but it was seemingly the only thing he could focus on at the moment. It was clear he was trying to gather his thoughts, but it was difficult seeing as you were holding his only child.

So, you brought her into your lap and turned her to face Kylo. She was gnawing on her fingers, and she had since calmed down from crying. Before Kylo's eyes had switched between you and Leia, but now his eyes were locked on Leia. His bloodshot, tired eyes were focused on his daughter, examining her closely. He sat still, his hands in his lap, no words coming from him now. His eyes had been threatening to spill with tears before, but now they were falling freely down his hollow cheeks. His lip and chin quivered as he took in the face of the half year old girl, his girl, tear after after tear falling. His hand shot up and wiped his tears before he spoke gently.

"Can I hold her?" he swallowed thickly, voice unstable.

You moved closer to him on the couch and held her out to him. He lifted his hands to her and you noticed they were almost bigger than Leia herself. It almost made you smile. He took her in his hands and sat her on his lap facing toward him. She was staring up at him with those big brown eyes in complete wonder. It was almost as if she had some weird sense telling her that this was her father. You had never seen her look at someone this way.

"Oh my god, she's beautiful," he whispered before running his hand through her freshly cleaned hair. "She looks like you." He sniffled consistently staring at her. She was calm and cool, and was content in his hands.

You reached for her, finally having some inclination to speak, "I'll go put her down so we can talk."

Kylo pulled her closer to him and held up his hand. "No. I want to hold her."

You dropped your arms and waited for him to give some explanation. Some logical reason for leaving you in your biggest time of need, leaving you at all. A reason for breaking your heart and your spirit.

He cradled her in his big arms and bounced her lightly until she started to doze off, never looking away from her round little face. You watched the entire interaction, and a familiar warmth buzzed somewhere in your chest. Finally, her eyes wavered from their position on Kylo's face and they fluttered shut, her lips parted as she drifted into sleep again. She was going to sleep so late. He situated her in his lap gently, her back against the tops of his thighs. Finally, he looked to you.

"I can't believe we made that," he caressed her little head. "I can't believe I missed so much time."

Your breath hitched in your throat, "What happened?"