Taga Long

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***Sad News!! :( after today, I may or may not be able to upload everyday. Like i usually do, Ugh I know, pain in the rear, but you'll have to blame it on my mom. I'll do my best to upload as much as I can before then 12/7/12***

I'd gone A-wall from school. It was already Wednesday and I'd barely made it out of my bedroom. The pain I was feeling both mentally and physically was ripping me to shreds.

My dad had given up on trying to figure out who the dad had been. At least for right now. I hadn't seen Caleb since I'd kicked him out on Sunday.

To keep Josh from worrying too much, I sent him a text and told him I was fine but wouldn't be around for a little. The only thing I did was sleep and cry. I'd only eaten two or three times since finding out I'd had a miscarriage. Every thing seemed to be a lot harder now. Breathing, eating, walking, it was all suddenly too much.

I knew I was going to have to face the world sooner or later, but right now just wasn't the time. The altercation with Caleb had been the last straw for me. It was all just too much. Right now, I would give anything to go back to that person I was a year ago; shy, quiet, and still with a mother. How wonderful my boring old life had seemed right now.

"Tab?" My dad asked quietly. I turned to look at him and his entire face fell. He came and sat down next to me. "Sweetheart, you need to eat, get some fresh air at least."

I shook my head, feeling slightly dizzy in the process.

"Tabitha, I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine dad." My voice was so raspy and dry that even I barely recognized it.

He shook his head. "I'm a doctor Tab. Look at your lips, your skin, your hair. Honey, can't you see that you're hurting yourself?"

I didn't want to hear what he had to say, so I turned on my side, ignoring him.

The last thing I needed right now was people telling me what I needed. They didn't know what I was feeling right now, therefore, they could tell me how I should feel, what I should feel, or what I needed. All I wanted was for everyone to keep their thoughts in their heads.

"Tabitha-"

"Dad just leave me alone please." Why couldn't they understand where I was coming from? No one knew what it was like to get pregnant by a guy who was not only your best friend, but also had a girlfriend. And on top of that, they couldn't even began to understand what it was like to lose a child. Even if you didn't know it was coming, and even if you didn't want to keep it. Your baby was still snatched right out of your arms. No one seemed to understand that.

"Tabitha, honey, you gotta let me help you." His voice was sad and quiet.

Why was he making my problems his problems? They had nothing to do with him. "I don't want you to help me, I don't need your help." I felt bad about talking to my dad like that, but I felt even worse knowing that I had ruined my life, so right now, I wasn't too worried with other people's feelings.

He heaved a sigh. "Can you at least eat? When was the last time you ate?"

Two days ago.

"I don't know dad." Eating was a hollow reminder that I had once been eating for two, now, there was nothing there, just empty space. I had grown use to the dull throbbing from it all.

"Tabitha, I'm not arguing with you on this one, you're going to eat." I could tell he was becoming frustrated.

"No," I started slowly. "No dad, I'm not. You can't make me."

"Tabitha." He warned.

He could threaten me as much as he wanted, I wasn't going to eat. Like I said, it was a reminder, and the reminder was something I didn't want to remember.