Queen of the Rogues

of old wounds and reunions

here it is
it will hurt,
but it will heal

M A D D I E ♛

"This is Maddie, it's Madeline." Cassian says full of hope, a wide smile on his face.

At first they stared at me, scrutinizing the show that Cassian had brought. Second, they furrowed their brows and looked back at Cassian.

That's when I feel the deep cut in my chest, a lump immediately start forming in my throat and my cheeks are already getting warm.

They don't believe him.

They think he's lying.

They think I'm not real.

They think I'm dead.

My chest was already heaving up and down, struggling to control my emotions.

I knew it, I knew I shouldn't have kept my hopes up. I'm dead to them and to be honest, I've been trying to kill the image of meeting my family for a long time haven't I?

Before I could stumble down in shame, Chase was right beside me to offer his support and held me closely.

"Cassian! How could you even--!" the older man could not finish what he was trying to say, he was too angry as he switched gazes from Cassian to me. Like Chase, he also held his mate who was weakened right beside him.

"Let her rest, Cass." the older woman said. The young girl clearly understood what was going on, but she had no say. She knew that it wasn't her place to say something.

Cassian noticed that I was disheartened and came closer to me.

"No, I'm telling the truth! Dad, can't you see she looks exactly like mom? I know, I didn't believe it too, but just hear us out! She's finally coming home after so many years and this is what you show her?!" Cassian was angry now too.

The older man looked at me, I could see the hesitation in his eyes. I was right in front of him, but he must've not wanted to go back to past so he shook his head.

The woman took a careful step forward as if wanting to reach out to me, she probably was seeing all the resemblances that we shared, but she didn't want to believe it.

They already buried me, a lost girl in the woods couldn't have survived.

"Please," she begged and I couldn't hold it in. My tears started to roll down my face and I could see that she was starting to cry too as she begged me. "Please tell him to stop joking. My daughter..." she was in front of me now.

I wanted to hear her say it. 'My daughter is dead.'

That's all I need to hear so I can finally let go. That's all I need.

Why isn't she saying it?

She held her hand up and held my cheeks gently, trying to wipe the tears away, but then she immediately pulled away as if my tears were acid that burned her. She turned away and had her hands in between her head, trying to pull her hair.

The older man immediately went to her to try and stop her.

"N-no. This can't be. My Madeline... she's gone." she told herself, trying to convince herself. I understood that she's been telling herself of this for so long now.

In a way, I kind of saw myself in her.

I also fed myself of those lies. But here I am and here they were.

She turned to her son who was regretfully watching everything go down. Cassian imagined a happy reunion, I did too, but I see now that that was only a hopeful wish.