Faking it.

CHAPTER 15

Three weeks. Three weeks had passed since I last talked- well shouted- with Elliot. After the first few days I couldn't stand to eat lunch with my 'friends' because he was always there too, silently trying to get my attention.

I just went to the library and worked on some homework instead. Then I told myself to suck it up and went back to lunch. We just gave each other silent treatment and the others haven't really noticed anything because we never talked in the first place.

But then one time he and Anna came in laughing and sat next to each other. There wasn't really anything that confirmed that they were in a relationship but even them just being really close made my stomach churn. I knew that it was pathetic thinking because I was the one that pushed him away, but I couldn't help it. Still I sat with them until a few days ago. That's when I didn't want to see their lovey-dovey anymore and decided to go to the gym. As the days passed I felt my walls that I built over the past years getting higher and thicker. There is no real emotion I show in this hell hole anymore. My guards have covered almost everything, except this little loophole that gets used whenever I'm around Milli, Simon, Susan or Joey. I don't know anyone else worthy of that part of me so I simply don't even try to open up more.

And here I am now. In the gym. Instead of eating lunch I am dancing. I know that it's risky to dance here because no one even knows that I dance but I just don't care anymore. I need something to help express my feelings and sometimes just take my mind off of the situation and the pain that I'm feeling behind those walls. It isn't just the fight with Elliot. It's the fact that Joey isn't at home and Mom and Dad are non-stop working. And Abby somehow is even more a bitch to me. And although I have Milli and Simon I feel like my life is going downhill and I have no one to help me back up. I feel like with pushing Elliot away I have lost the only other chance to not feel alone all the time, but I won't ever tell anyone that. It was my fault and I have to deal with the consequences on my own, as I do with everything else in my life.

The music from my phone on the bench plays softly and I do a little turn.

It's funny how a memory
Turns into a bad dream
When running wild
Turns volatile

I'm dancing slowly. It's a big contrast from my usual quick hip-hop dancing movements. My eyes are closed, and I feel at peace. My body takes over all control.

Talking with my mother she said,
"Where'd you find this guy?"
I said, "Young people fall in love,
With the wrong people sometimes."

Before the course can hit, I feel a pair of hands on my waist and my eyes shoot open. My stomach builds a knot and I quickly turn around to see Noah standing there. "What are you doing here?" I ask him in a stern voice and try to pry out of his grip. He doesn't budge and I lightly start to panic but don't let my blank look fade away. "I was looking for you since you didn't come to eat lunch with us. But I am glad that you didn't come actually. The sight of Elliot and Anna is making me want to puke. And at the same time making me want to be that cosy with you." He explains and leans in a little bit. I push him back and answer, "Noah I am sorry if I gave you mixed signals or something, but I don't like you like that." Noah scoffs and tightens his grip on my waist. "Oh, I know you're lying. You think that I believe you that your little show here was just for yourself? I know that that's not true," He pauses for a moment to lean closer to me and whispers, "And even if it's true that you don't like me like that. We can still have fun without any feelings involved."

I slap him. Hard.

He shoots me a murderous glare and that's when my face shows the fear and panic I'm feeling. I am pushed into the wall and scream, "Get off of me!" He's about to say something when someone else tackles him to the ground.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my breathing down. There is grunting coming from in front of me, but I don't dare to look up. Only when I hear the gym door close, I decide to peek through my hands. A sigh of relief escapes my lips when I realize that Noah is nowhere in sight. But instead of him someone else is standing a few metres away from me. Elliot. Of course. Who else would it be?

"I'm sorry." He tells me and I feel like I'm in a Deja-Vu. "Don't say anything. The last time you said you were sorry we started shouting at each other and I seriously don't have the energy right now to go through that again, Elliot." I say and feel the tears prickle in my eyes. In a matter of seconds, he is engulfing me in a hug. I don't want him to see me weakling. I don't want anyone to see me weakling. "Go away." I whisper. I hear him sigh. "Hailey. For once just let your guard down and let me be there for you. I don't care that you feel like you need to push everyone away- me included. I won't let you be alone right now, and I shouldn't have let you go away that night."

And I let him hold me there, slowly hugging him back and feeling the warmth of his body against mine.

We stay like this for a few more minutes until I break the silence, "I don't push everyone away. I do have friends, you know?" He let's out a chuckle, "Is that the only thing that stuck from what I said?" I look up shoot him a grin. "Well I'd like to be one of your friends, if that's alright with you." He says and I shrug trying to hide my smirk, "I guess you can." He lets out another laugh and I realize that he's actually not that bad at all. The walls somehow break down without me even noticing at first, but when it's already done, I don't make a move to put them back up again.

My alarm goes off, telling me that we have fifteen minutes of lunch left. "Wanna get out of here?" Elliot asks me and I nod. I seriously don't want to be in school anymore today.

We make a quick stop at our lockers and then out of the building. He leads me to his car and then we drive off. "Where to?" He asks me and I shrug. "Just everywhere except school." "We could go to my house." He suggests and quickly adds, "But only if you want to of course." I think about it. I really don't want to go home right now and be alone again. "Okay." I tell him.

When we get to his house, the first thing I notice is the beautiful garden in front of it. And then the porch with a little sitting area on it. He leads me inside and I look around. It looks really cosy in here. To my right is the living room with a huge cream-coloured couch in it and a TV above the fireplace. To the left is a staircase which I guess leads to the bedrooms.

Elliot takes me to the kitchen and throws every kind of snack he has in the cupboards at me. Then he proceeds to lead me upstairs to his bedroom. It's bigger than mine and he has a king-sized bed in the middle of the room and a bedside table on each side of it. Across from his bed is a huge TV and I guess we will be watching movies. "What do you want to watch?" He asks me after turning on the TV. "I'm really feeling the Harry Potter vibes to be honest." I tell him and he chuckles. "Oh, so we've got a little nerd here." He teases me and I throw a pillow at him before claiming a bag of potato chips.