Faking it.

CHAPTER 29

On the way to Elliot my mind is racing with thoughts. I guess you could call it a blessing in disguise because he had finished his last lesson for the day an hour earlier than I did, meaning that I still had some time to think about what almost could have happened today.

It's the only thing I've been thinking about since lunch.

Why did this have to happen now? Why not in a week or two, when I don't need to stress about all the things that I do now? Ugh, this is clouding my entire mind already and it's only been a few hours.

I can already see his house at the end of the street. I slowly breathe out.

It's going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine.

I tell myself to calm down.

Just focus on studying math and do not mention what happened earlier.

Almost happened.

My inner voice corrects me and I want to punch it.

I turn right and walk through Elliot's driveway. When I knock on the door I feel my hands are getting clammy and quickly wipe my palm on the top of my jeans.

I hear his footsteps coming closer to the door- to me and breathe in again. He opens the door for me but doesn't invite me in immediately, nor does he greet me like he usually does. He just stares.

I let out the breath I was holding and smile. "Ready to study?" I ask, apparently making the first move and he smiles back.

"Ready to study? Seriously?" I whisper.

"Hmm?" Elliot asks.

"Oh nothing." I answer him and hold back a face palm.

We get to his room and I see that it is as messy as ever.

As if he would clean it for you.

My inner voice says and I frown a little bit.

I see all of his books sprawled across his bed and take my seat on the edge of it. As far away as possible from Elliot.

"Did you already start without me?" I fake an offended voice, attempting to joke.

"I would never." He mocks and I feel a whole lot of the tension leave me already.

"I just made a list of what exactly we need to go through for this." He explains and shows the list to me. When I see that he wrote down my topics too, I smile and nod.

"Let's start, shall we?" He says and we do.

Throughout this study session, I often saw Elliot staring at me through the corner of my eye. I'm not sure if he knows that I saw it, but I won't mention it either.

I close the book and sigh. "I think that was enough for today." I say and put the books back in my bag.

Elliot nods and leans back against the headboard of his bed. "If I don't get an A I will never ever study with you again." He exclaims.

"Hey! I'm a great study partner!" I shout as I throw a pillow at him. To my luck, he doesn't catch it and it smacks him right in his pretty face. The face with those beautiful brown eyes that any girl would fall for.

Focus!

"Okey okey. You are a great study partner." He says and throws his hands up in defense.

"I mean- go on."

"And you are the most stubborn person I've ever met."

I get ready to throw another pillow at him.

"But-" He holds a finger up, stopping my harsh and probably hurtful ending movements, "I really enjoy your company." He finishes and I slowly put the pillow down.

"You are the most annoying person I've met." I mock him and this time it's me who gets a pillow smacked in the face.

"Take that back." Elliot says and I smirk. "Try me."

I jump away from the bed when I see him grab another pillow and run to the other side of the room. He follows me quickly and I back away, wanting to face palm myself again when I feel the wall hit my back.

Elliot comes closer and I quickly try to run away but he catches my wrist and I stumble to the ground, with him being pulled down to.

I let out a grunt when he lands on top of me and hear him flinch too. As I look up, he is already staring at me.

My eyes travel down to his lips and back up to his eyes. I can't take it anymore.

In the split of a second I crash our lips together and close my eyes.

When I don't feel him kissing back, I pull away. He doesn't look at me like he did before, instead he looks behind me.

"Hailey-" He starts, but I interrupt him.

"I- I think I should go." I say and shove him off of me, quickly taking my bag from beside his bed and running out of his room before he can spill the words of rejection. This is the exact moment that I have been fearing for years. To be rejected at my most vulnerable state. It is also the reason why I have spent years building walls to protect me from getting hurt.

When I get downstairs I don't even bother to greet his mother and just slip into my sneakers as fast as possible.

I see him out of the corner of my eye, standing right beside me and something in my body wishes that he would just take my hand and stop me from leaving, kiss me back and tell me that he fell for me too, but of course, my life isn't a movie and I run out of his house, with him standing at the door, not saying a word.