Itsy Bitsy Spider

74. Of Their Own Accord

It was ridiculous, really; she was a Conjurer and had no use for any physical object because her own power served the purpose needed. Anything she could carry would only get in the way, and yet... empty-handed, she felt insecure. Rein lightly ran her fingertip along the backside of the blade, coming to rest at its sharp tip as she continued to stare at it. Raking in a breath, she forced herself to place the knife back in the drawer and shut it tight. But no matter how long she waited, her grip wouldn't leave the drawer handle.

She wasn't meeting the Chain User, she was meeting Kurapika. She didn't need to arm herself.

She didn't need weapons against him.

Her exhale rattled her, and opening the eyes she'd closed, she raised her hands to find them trembling. A weak sneer made its way across her face as she ran them back through the locks on her head, trying to steady her nerves. Her knees felt as if they could buckle at any moment, at any one of her thundering heartbeats.

"Rein?"

She whipped back with muscles tensed, only to find Killua a short distance from her.

"You..." His tone came off as demanding at first, then faltered when he took in the sight of her, and soon his voice lowered into something not quite gentle, but softer than before. "You okay?"

She didn't want to speak. She didn't need to speak. Her pulse was thundering and she wanted peace and quiet, and Killua wouldn't understand or help in any way, but the words fell from her mouth before she could process it.

"I'm scared."

And once those words had been said, the rest flowed freely.

Rein eased herself against the counter and crouched down, leaning against it as her eyes peeled wide open and trained on a crack in the tiling. They stung. She gripped the cloth of her shirt, right over her heart. "Right here... it's crazy right now. It's..."

"Huh." Killua scratched his head and looked both ways before moving forward and simply leaning on the counter next to her as she crouched on the ground. Their eyes didn't meet. "It's today, right? You don't have to go, you know. Kurapika will get it." When his words didn't elicit a response, he sighed. "If your body is that panicked over this, I'd say it's better to not go at this point—recommended, even. If I were Lucky, I'd definitely advise that."

"But," Rein said, and her intense staring at the floor eased up as her mind's eye traveled elsewhere, "I want to go."

He looked her way. "You want to?"

"I know it's stupid and probably doesn't make sense. Stars, even I'm not sure why going is even an option in my mind. It's Kurapika. It's someone I've hated for so long, and to be honest I still might. But between meeting and never seeing him again, I'd prefer to meet." Finding strength in her limbs and grateful for Killua's watchful eye observing her just in case she fell, she gripped the counter and stood. "And between seeing him now and meeting after more time has passed, I'd much rather get it over with today." Rein's jaw set, and her fingertips paled with the tension stringing along her nerves. One day and it would be over. One day where she didn't know what would lie ahead or what she would feel like or how he would feel and how it would affect—

His hand suddenly gripped her hair, barely giving her enough time to respond before Killua bluntly stated, "This is payback," and blew a raspberry in her face.

Rein froze for a dumbfounded moment before shoving him away. "That was disgusting, what are you, an animal?"

A snicker came from him as he crossed his arms proudly. "Now you know how I felt back when you did that to me during the Hunter Exam. Like I said, payback."