Project Loki Fan Fiction

The List of What-ifs

Dedicated to: @sosaijengpanwink. I cannot mention your account. Perhaps, you changed your username. If you see this one, I just want to give a credit that because of you, I came up with this.

LOKI

I OFTEN heard people asking questions that starts with the 'what-if.'

What if we didn't break up?

What if I was born intelligent?

What if I was as beautiful as her? Would he choose me?

What if he already found someone better than me?

What if I kill myself in front of him? Would he feel bad that it was because of him?

Some questions sounded ridiculous. It seemed like they were only living to satisfy other people and not for themselves. Some questions sounded pitiful. The 'what-ifs' that were composed of their insecurities when it comes to intelligence, look, talents, and et cetera. Those questions that make someone ask himself of the possible consequences that could have happened if ever the statement he put in the question occurred in reality. A suppositional question.

And I asked myself a question with the same introduction.

What if I didn't meet Lorelei? Would we come this far to the chase of Moriarty?

When I think of that, it only leads me to another what-ifs.

What if Rhea didn't die? Would I meet Lorelei?

What if Moriarty didn't kill Rhea? Would our lives be better?

What if Moriarty didn't come into life? Would my high school experience be the same? I doubt it.

"What are you thinking?"

I glanced at Lorelei sitting across me, holding a notebook on her right hand. I can tell she's studying for her next afternoon class. Alistair, surprisingly, was late than usual. Jamie was not here either.

"Al bought foods for us. Dapat daw ay hindi ako magpagutom kahit nagre-review," saad niya kahit pa wala naman akong sinasabing kahit ano. "Don't use the line 'Brain works best in an empty stomach.' Sawa na 'kong marinig 'yan mula sa 'yo."

I closed my mouth in an attempt to answer her with that quotation.

"Anong iniisip mo? Bakit para ngayong problemado ka?"

"What ifs."

Her eyes grew wide before laughing. "That's so unusual of you."

"I was curious why do others like to feed themselves with situations that may or may not happen when they already know the truth."

"Because that's the only thing that can make them feel better," she retorted, staring back at me. "Kagaya na lang ng mga tao na nanggaling sa mga relasyong natapos na hindi nasasagot lahat ng mga tanong. Mga relasyong may mga loose ends. Those what-ifs were there escape from the pain, and at the same time, the one that causes them more pain because it was now impossible to happen."

"Are you a love guru now?" I asked.

"Am I still talking to Loki now?" she fired back.

The door swang open. Sabay kaming napatingin sa bagong dating na si Alistair. He placed the paper bags on the table which contained the foods. Kumuha siya ng isang food pack at iniabot kay Lorelei. He handed me one, too, but I refused. Lori glared at me. Kinuha niya mula kay Al ang pagkain at ipinatong sa mismong tapat ko. Ang mga palad ko na nakapatong sa mesa ay ipinatong niya sa pagkain.