I'm Dying

2.

Suman went through the list of medicines for the fifth time in a row, because, simply she had nothing else to do sitting beside Shravan in a car. As lame as it might sound, sitting in silence with him balmed her wounds. It made her sprint with unsaid energy because his words can singularly tear her wonderland into shreds.

Shravan stole glances of Suman sitting across the adjacent seat. Her eyes mechanically moved around the prescription letter, which, for god's sake she had made herself, and then she cautiously stared outside the window. With the advantage of the evening, he could see a vivid reflection of her closed eyes and ashen face in the car window.

If she had stopped all this, maybe he could have come around.
 Maybe, they could have been together.


As the silence prevailed, Suman's phone buzzed through their metanoia. She jumped in her seat, bewildered and disturbed. Her disappointment didn't mellow down by seeing the name - Vikram. Shravan silently took note, that how she had cut down the call- not even muted. She clearly dismissed her lawyer, who was fighting this bloody case for her. He could feel her relax and sigh as if climbing a mountain or maybe just coming back to her rest again.

It eerily irked and attracted him to her silly and awkward behavior. He had met her 3 weeks ago in these 7 years and hadn't got the chance to look closely enough. Maybe, she has changed. Or maybe, she wasn't fine anymore. Of Course, nobody was fine anymore. But, still...

'You' Shravan wanted to say something that could make her bite her tongue, but then he changed his question to concern 'Fine?' 

'Absolutely!' Suman cut him before he could breathe after his inquiry. She wasn't fine.
But, if he would care more?

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Suman ran her eyes across the medical store. She ordered medicines without slipping off the paper she had held dear to her life. She pretended that she was reading out names but Shravan knew that she had all the names of the medicines by heart. She fumbled, and clutched the paper even tighter when she asked for skin antiseptics 'Silver-ex?' she demanded, trying her best to ask nonchalantly. But the more she shivered, the more it became clear to Shravan that she was hiding something. 

Cleverly, he snatched the paper from her hands. 'I think you have forgotten something.' he excused so that Suman's eyes don't bulge and plop out. He scanned the list for skin antiseptics but it had none. Because Veer had pneumonia and he wasn't cutting himself with a blade. He might have ignored her anyway, but the way she clenched her fists, it was so unlike her to get shy and conscious- in a damned medical store asking for medicines.

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Shravan and Suman sat back in the car. Shravan offered her to drive and she clearly dismissed saying that her feet were hurting and she doesn't want to take a risk with his car, not knowing how he would react for a scratch or two. Shravan felt his doubts fading, thinking that if she could taunt him then she is seriously fine and he was just overthinking.

In less than 5 minutes of ignition kicking start, Shravan called out Suman. 
'Suman?' he focused on the road, thinking that she would answer back with a yes Captain?. But she didn't. 'Suman?' he again called out irritated. When this time silence prevailed, he turned around to watch her dozing off in her seat. She had her mouth open, and it felt like she was snoring like a hum. Something cracked inside him, he was astonished and bewildered. 

Was he doing that to her?

The question ran in his blood until he saw her head rolling and dangling and been thrown in enormous directions because of the motions of car driving. He half-smiled at her, the crescent moon of empathy etched over his face. Suman used to be so alert, so spontaneous, so, so lively! He could picture her sprinting, jogging, and parading. Dancing- with her father and mother. Maybe, with their death, they took that Suman away too.

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He cradled her head, as he held the steering, in his lap. The gear apparatus was changed with utmost elegance and caution so that her chest remains unhurt. He could feel the damp weight of her head in his lap. It beat like a second heart. He let the cars overtake him, he didn't push the horn, although he had a reflex of doing it. He felt moving like a snail, on an empty road, so uncharacteristic of him, but Suman sleeping like a baby was an equally unlikely phenomenon. Whatever has conspired between the two, Shravan couldn't disturb something which felt like it won't come to her easily.- her rest.

He pulled the break, in front of the Tiwari house, it was time to wake Suman. And it scared him to no extent that how he would wake her gently and pretend that he didn't care. 
Can both of these things go hand in hand?

'Suman?' he softly whispered in her ear. She stirred in his lap, as he felt something bloom inside him. It felt just too cute to handle. Before she could open her eyes, Shravan involuntarily fanned a strand of her hair and then tucked it behind her ear. As he completed his task, Suman opened her eyes under the touch of his hand. His smug smile hit her senses and then she just stared at him as much as he did. Time couldn't stop and that was the irony.

She still, waited for his expressions to change, which didn't change for the longest time. It felt like an eternity till he looked away dismissing her position. At this, she tried getting up but he still caged her. 'Mind it!' he pointed at the staring, just above her head. He plastered her head from the staring while letting her get up.

Suman woke up to her sitting posture, feeling her hands and feet go cold like snow. Her head still bounced as if it would break her skull. She had a massive headache and she couldn't remember what she was thinking or doing before she dozed off. It made her choke and cry at the same time. Before she could realize Shravan was watching her intently, she had already spilled a tear. 

'Suman...' Shravan put forward his hand in the air, thinking that he could take her out of the awkward situation.

'NO.' Suman huffed, restricting any of his help. If only he knew...
Knew what?

'No, no, no...' she shook her head furiously, opened up the car door, and ran towards her house.

Shravan still gazed at the entrance, from where she had run, from where he will enter the same house in a few minutes. Only if he knew.............
Knew what?