I'm Dying

7.

I didn't compliment him. Not when he opened the car door for me, not when he drove me all the way to Bunty and Kanchan's party. How silly can it get? But then maybe, it wasn't silly at all. It was just normal and a bit crazy. I and Shravan are fighting a court case against each other and then it doesn't really make sense to complement each other's handsomeness. But then, it doesn't even make sense to stay together, drive to places together, and feel that warmness in the heart when the other talks.

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'Oh, my good lord! Suman!!' Kanchan came running towards Suman who was still steadying herself on the pumps she had worn. It was a weird kind of inertia, as she felt that she would stick to the car seat rather than walk. 'You look breathtaking!' Kanchan went for an embrace however she already had a reunion late that afternoon.

'Good Evening Suman!' came a voice, which Suman used to hear like a habit a few years ago. He was always there, somewhere or the other- Bunty. No, she wasn't underestimating him as some background thing- he was one of those people who made you feel like you have come home.

'Good evening Bunty! Congratulations' Suman bowed with a slight smile. All this while, Kanchan cleared her throat a bit, confusing Suman. As she turned around her head, she saw Shravan ogling at her. It was weird, but then it turned a tide in her stomach- this time, not of fear. It felt a bit high- you know- the happy high? Okay, nothing really made sense but then Suman saw Shravan pointing towards the gift they had bought. He had begged her to share it with him as he had legit forgotten to bring anything for the couple.

'This time!' Suman had huffed at him. She didn't need to tell that what would people think of them if they gave away the gift together- collectively.
'This time.' Shravan had mumbled with a faint grin as he concentrated on the steering.

'Bring it.' she stretched and whispered in Shravan's ear, who nodded at her decisively. As she looked around, Bunty and Kanchan stood rooted to their spot, glaring at them with confusion. Suman shook her head with a smile and mouthed a nothing!

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Okay, this was so ridiculous. Shravan thought. He had no plans of being a git, and not bringing a gift to a party will make Suman think of him as some irresponsible, impossible human, who didn't really care. It didn't matter to him about what people thought of him, but Suman, Suman thinking of him that way, made his gut tear and skin burn. It wasn't really a good sign, but he still wanted her to think good about him. It was damn embarrassing, but then he might get over it soon. He should. Remember, the plan!, Shravan made a mental note.

As he rolled his eyes, he caught Suman talking to Vikram. She tapped her knuckles in a routine, almost pulled her hair back every moment. She was extremely pissed on pulling up a facade, or maybe that was the plight of everybody during a session of talking with a lawyer, even if it is casual. Vikram and Suman were good friends for the record, her Aunt Beena swooned over Vikram like anything and always provided Suman with unwanted plans to pursue him as a love interest. But Shravan was confident she won't do anything of that sort. The girl he knew never made relations for benefit.
But a slight doubt irked him as well, that what if......

Before he could complete his trailing thoughts he saw Suman accompanying Vikram to the dance floor. 'Fine, is it..' Shravan mumbled under his breath as something too heavy hit his brain. She wasn't his and she really didn't have any obligation to open up to him, to take his help, or let him do it for her. She was free, free from any bond of love. The more he thought of these words, the bitter it got on his tongue. He went in for a light drink looking at the lights that pranced over Suman, as she danced.

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Vikram was such a brand new entry in my life, that I should have been thankful for it. But for the record, I wasn't. When he touched me, I felt like running away. God forbid, I couldn't stand our closeness even for a petty couple dance. 'This is going to be over Suman!' I didn't feel dirty with him, it was just that I wasn't relaxed. It felt like I was watching myself from the corner, that only my body was with him and not my soul.

Vikram was smiling at me, and I smiled harder until my jaw and cheeks hurt. And pulling that facade is so easy. Like, swoosh! I do it all the time, to pretend. Acting like I was the easiest and uncomplicated person to go with.

A moment later I see Vikram frowning at me and then I even smile harder, that's how I dismiss anybody's doubts about me.

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Shravan walked up to the dance floor, tapping at Vikram's shoulder. 'Wanna let me dance with the lady?' He smiled at him and Suman just gawked.
'Sure. I was about to go to the Washroom.' Vikram passed a genuine smile, as he placed Suman's hand delicately in Shravan's.

Any resistance from Suman's side was mellowed down by the jingles of the next song starting. She complied and dragged her hands-on Shravan's collar, galloping his neck. Instead of her back, he sweetly covered her waist with both of his large hands. Her waist fit so snugly in his grip that she shuddered at their contact.

Shravan was a true army gentleman. Suman could read that with her closed eyes. He maintained a sweet distance which for some reason seemed chivalrous but torturous to her. Okay, they could have danced without that awkward distance, couldn't they?

'Do what makes you happy and not others.' Shravan's voice hit her like spring. Suman shot up her head and moved her eyes to his, as he gazed at her with warmth.

It suddenly snapped something inside her. There was a drain of past memories, their dances, and intimate glares. They had been so, so happy, without that distance which rested between them like a monster. She had been his completely, without a doubt, without a hurry to get away from each other.

Before it could shiver the hell out of her, she twirled in his hands- a step ahead in dance. She felt her inners crawling but her heart was thudding loudly, pumping blood in extreme quantities, rejuvenating her body. She would burn if she keeps him close, but then any otherwise- won't keep her alive too.

'You don't know me.' Suman forced words out of her lips. She closed her eyes immediately, turning away from his face and questions before tears rolled down her sorrow. She has had a hysterical week, feeling so exposed in front of him to even stand straight. It had made her cut her skin 3 times in the bathroom, and the cuts were still new and burning. She could feel the pain and that kept her from crying over other brainy things. She rashed herself to feel the numbness and nothing.

'I know you more than you can ever think of it. I know Suman, why you cry... I do.' he shook his head as Suman frowned deeper. ' I don't know what to say, but I can't stay and not help you. You were yelping silently when you danced with Vikram, you twitched, I saw that.' Suman opened her mouth to rectify, clarify his observations but found nothing coming out of her it. 'No, don't say anything. I know and you need not tell me, that won't change anything between us.' Shravan looked at her with certainty as she just nodded, and danced with him further.

Between us? What was there between them? Anyways.

'Do you think about, that time you know...' Shravan stole his gaze, as they began towards the ending of their dance.

'Think about....' Suman let the words stay at her lips for a little longer, as she looked at the twitch of hurt on his face. She straightened her spine, listening to the background music in their muffled talks, still very much in his hold. 'I have changed my destination. Although...' she gulped harder as Shravan found her throat holding everything tight in a secret, a lie. 'When I do think of that time' she bore into his gaze 'I wish, I wish nothing had happened. And maybe, maybe..' she looked at him, almost her voice dying at the what-if. Shravan immediately looked away, nodded his head in what they say a bit of guilt 'Even I think the same.' Suman wondered if standing too close can fuse their thoughts together just like it synchronized their heartbeats.

As the music died, Suman abruptly, left his hands in mid-air- vanishing in a sprint. She moved away from him, and he saw his dream breaking away. What nonsense? he mentally kicked himself for thinking that way. But that was the sheer irony. It never made sense.

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