I'm Dying

14

Shravan sat in Gujral's clinic. Suman was out towards the dispensary to take a few tablets and he was there to get his talk done. His eyes roamed around the doctor's cabinet. It was kissed by sunlight. Gujral had some random circles as his wallpaper. His family photo, on his desk, was turned away from Shravan. There was a plant, almost a baby which rested on one of the window panes. He grabbed a paperweight from hindsight and pressed it against his palms.

'Morning!' Gujral patted Shravan's back.

Shravan instantly kept the paperweight on Gujral's desk and stood up to acknowledge his presence.

'Good Morning! Where were you?' Shravan asked as he came out of a mutual hug.

'I was in the hallway, learning Cabret for pass time.' Gujral chuckled moving towards his seat.

'Oh, stop it.' Shravan rolled his eyes.

'Okay. So I got your message yesterday. See whatever I ask you, I can't tell Suman that. I will need her to talk, in a flow, you know what I mean..?' Gujral eyes Shravan, to which he nodded in positive.

'So.' Gujral continued 'I discussed, and today's session was a real gamechanger. First, we went with the forgetfulness part and the dizziness. I checked her blood pressure, that's fine, great actually. And then, out of nowhere Ms. Tiwari told me about her hallucinations. She sees her mother all the time.' Gujral kept his specs aside. He seemed gloomy enough for Shravan to get worried.

'She can talk to her mother, can she?' Shravan squinted his eyes.

Gujral nodded silently. Shravan just looked at the family photo frame which was kept on Gujral's desk. He had a sudden urge to pick it up. 'What difference will it make?' Shravan scrutinized the picture. It was a happy one, Gujral was standing with his wife and son.

'A lot. You might think it's Suman's mother, what harm could she do to her daughter? right?' Gujral questioned rhetorically. 'But that isn't the case, Shravan. What Suman sees, is her mind's offspring. There is no ghost.' he let the words sink in.

'Okay, so what do the hallucinations talk about?' Shravan's mouth felt too dry as the words fell out of his lips.

'Now, that is potentially problematic. The hallucination of Suman's mother talks about jumping off the cliff. She motivates Suman to meet her, as in real- or guess what, in heaven. It's..' Gujral caught his tongue for a moment 'It's the place in Suman's brain which motivates her for a Suicide.'

Shravan was still looking keenly at the photo frame. He was avoiding Gujral's gaze if it might be really cruel and disheartening.

'Shravan?' Gujral asked perplexed.

'Potentially problematic!!!' Shravan announced to Gujral's shock. 'How can it be potentially problematic, Ravi? Do you even know her? The last person I can think of, who would like to end her life or cut the slack, whatever, would be Suman Tiwari. The girl you are talking about is not her.' Shravan's eyes were glassy, his corneas red.

'Calm down.' Gujral raised his hands in response. He was accustomed to such outbursts. He rubbed his temples and offered a glass of water.

Shravan clenched his jaws and let his breathing get down to a normal rhythm.' I'm sorry. Like really sorry.' he shook his head, with his eyes closed a bit.

'No, no problem, Buddy!' Gujral offered him a small smile.

Shravan stared at him for a moment, and suddenly rubbed his palms all over his face. 'What can...' he stuttered a bit 'What can I do, in the whole, potentially problematic picture?' Shravan tried smiling a bit but failed miserably.