Ours

Chapter 26: messed up.

When I got home and mommy saw my disheveled look, she rushed to my aid. As usual she started searching my body to see if I was hurt in anyway. Little did she know this hurt was an emotional one and not a physical one. I placed my hand on my heart and all I kept repeating were the words 'I can't breathe'. I could feel my chest constricting. Since mommy was the only one home, she took me inside and  called the doctor. When he arrived, I was hysterical. I was going mad because I just couldn't fathom why they would both do this to me. It felt as if I was starring in a telenovela and not looking at the ugly reality of my life. During his assessment, he asked if I was pregnant to which I responded in the affirmative. I could see confusion on mt mom's face. I'm sure she was wondering if I was acting this way because of the pregnancy. The doctor asked me to tell him everything that happened so I did and at the end of my statement, momma was more than ready to kill them both. I went straight to my old room afterwards. Even though it was just 3pm, I shut the blinds, switched the light off and set up my Adele and Taylor swift playlist. My mom tried to drag me out of the room but was unsuccessful. I don't know when I fell asleep admist the loud music and the uncontrollable tears I was shedding. When I woke up, my mom had placed my head on her lap and was fixing my hair. She offered me a plate of food and I would have rejected it if not for the growing fetus inside of me. I tasked her with the job of telling my daddy the whole ordeal so I don't have to go through the pain of recounting what went on. I took my shower and searched for a dress in my wardrobe that will still fit. sadly, none did except for his sweatshirt I stole from his house when we were dating. It was big enough and comfortable. When daddy arrived back from work, and mom briefed him about recent happenings, to say he was enraged would be an understatement. Mom's plea for him to calm down remained futile. He barged into my room and gave me a big hug and some words of encouragement. He calmed down a little when he remembered he was going to be a grand father soon. That night was when my 'morning sickness' kicked in.  I don't understand why it is called morning sickness when it happens at any time of the day and not only in the morning. I vomited the whole night and I wasn't able to catch some sleep due to that. With every trip to the toilet came memories. I clearly remember how he promised to take care of me when we finally were able to keep a pregnancy. He promised to be there holdingy hairback as I hurled the contents of my stomach out. He promised to be there when I have weird cravings. He promised to be there for everything but here we are. I guess we don't always get what we want huh? Aside my parents there was no one I could talk to. Normally when things like this happen, you ran for solitude from your best friend. But how could I when that said 'best friend ' was a part of my miserable situation. One question that kept lingering in my mind was why they would both do this to me. In the morning, Ama called to check up on me. For the first time I was seeing her in a different light. Beneath all that annoying personality was a compassionate young woman. Stanley is blessed to have her. My phone wouldn't stop ringing with calls from Duke. I declined every single one of them and decided it was too much of a hassle so I blocked his contact. I received a call from the clinic that it was almost time for my appointment. I rushed to the place and did all the necessary tests and even started antenatal classes. Around me, I could see couples together, most of which were enthusiastic first time fathers. I was the only one who came alone, without a partner. I'm guessing you know how that made me feel. I ran into Yaya on my way out. He gave me all the juicy details about their fight after I informed him of what had transpired between his wife and my husband. Apparently, this isn't the first time she had done something like this but he always forgives her. Wow, and I thought I knew everything about my best friend.
How do you manage to forgive and forget because anytime I close my eyes, all I see is that moment and it fills me with rage. I don't think I can ever look him in the eye again, I asked.
"Well I can relate. It isn't easy but remember love covers a multitude of sins. If you are really willing to forgive him, that love is enough to help you on this journey. Remember nobody is an angel on this earth. All you have to do is to find your devil you can tolerate and do just that", Yaya replied.
I thanked him and left but deep down, within me I knew I wasn't  as strong as he was so forgetting this ever happened was a no, no . Later in the evening, Duke called again and this time around,  I decided to answer the phone. Immediately, he lunged into pleading with me to come back home so we can talk this out.
  Duke, do you want to know why I answered the phone?

"Please tell me"

Good. All I need from you is an honest answer to the question I'm about to ask. Why?  Why would you do this to us? Did I not perform my duties as a wife? Am I not good enough?

"No, baby it was nothing like that. I just don't know what came over me"

Ahh, the classic excuse, I see. You know what, I need space to think. Promise me you won't try to look for me or contact me. Allow me to heal and I will return to you if I deem it right. Bye bye.
   With that I ended the call and blocked this number too. If I really didn't want to see him, then there is just one thing I can do about it; leave the country. I was about to do just that.