Blind Date!!!

Flashback 2

*Roller coaster - The Giant Dipper at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk in Santa Cruz, California. I've been on it multiple times, it's actually really fun but pretty terrifying the first time and kind of rough. It's one of the oldest roller coasters in the United States I think (? Not a fact I remember the signs before the ride saying something like that) So when COVID is over go check it out it's really fun!*

We were just 8 years old at the time. 

Jaemin and I were really excited to be going on the biggest roller coaster at the park. The Giant Dipper. It is the fastest roller coaster either of us had ever seen, ever wished to ride. Today we finally got the chance. 

Jaemin bounced excitedly next to me, smiling wider than I'd ever seen him smile before. I clapped in anticipation, secretly slightly nervous. I'm a coward but Jaemin had a way of convincing me to do whatever he says. 

What can I say, I'm eight! I don't know how to stand up for myself. 

We edged towards the front of the line, after almost an hour of waiting. Jaemin had started to get bored and force me to play hand games. I did, wanting my best friend to be entertained and enjoying himself. 

And finally after what seemed like forever, it was our turn. Jaemin clutched my hand and squeezed, my heart rate suddenly accelerating. "Are you ready Jisung?" 

And suddenly, I wasn't ready. "Yeah." I laughed nervously, a bead of sweat dripping down my forehead as I clambered into the cart next to my blind but brave friend. 

Jaemin hopped up and down while he pushed the bar down on himself to keep us from flying out of the cart. All while the workers made sure everyone was buckled in my heart hammered in my chest threatening to leap out. 

I needed to say something! Panic overtook my body, chocking me and preventing me from saying anything. "Jaemin I don't think I want to-"

WHOOSH! The cart blasted out of the station into a pitch black tunnel. Jaemin screamed in delight while I felt the tears that had been watering in my eyes get knocked out, blearing my vision. We jostled around wildly until finally it stopped and became smoother.

"It's really done?" I opened my eyes, a false hope fueling me. But we weren't even close to finished. Jaemin grabbed my hand.

"Jisung-ah! If we die I want to tell you you're my best friend in the whole world." I knew he was joking, we weren't going to die, but Jaemin's words didn't make me feel better. I felt like hyperventilating and passing out and panicking. 

That's where I had my first panic attack. 

I started choking on air, breathing heavily and choppily. My heart pounded louder and louder as blood roared in my ears. "Jisung? What's wrong?" Jaemin noticed my strange behavior. But I couldn't answer in time.

As we were dropped 70 feet at what felt to me like a million miles per hour.

The rest of the ride was a blur. All I remember is Jaemin shrieking, me balling my eyes out, and finally I passed out. The staff went into a frenzy when our cart pulled up to the station and I was unconscious.

 I made Jaemin cry. He thought I was dead. 

I made everyone panic. They called the hospital and I was rushed there, ruining our day and causing an unnecessary mess at the park.

It was all my fault.

And I learned that I had only just begun my saga of panic attacks. 

I, Park Jisung, have panic attacks.