In his mind

Drowning

It's been said. I can read his mind. I couldn't even imagine his reaction. He was silent. 

Dylan: What?
Becky: I can read your mind. 
Dylan: You mean like in a movie?
Becky: Yeah...

Dylan: Wait, wait. Do you want to say that you could hear my thoughts from the moment we met?
Becky: Yeah.
Dylan: Impossible. 
Becky: I guess it's possible because I'm doing it. 
Dylan: Did you see a doctor?

Becky: Yeah, they laughed. 
Dylan: I would like too, but I don't think you're lying. 
Becky: I'm not lying. I can hear everything you think. 
Dylan: No...
Becky: Yes. 
Dylan: What am I think right now?

Becky: Probably what the fuck is happening. 
Dylan: And now?

*What now?*

Becky: What now?

*I can't believe this. She's actually doing it.*

Becky: I can't believe this. She's actually doing it. 

*Can we talk like this?*

Becky: We can't because you can't read my thoughts. 

Dylan: Oh my God. You can actually do it. 
Becky: Yeah. 
Dylan: Why didn't you tell me?
Becky: I was scared of you leaving me. 
Dylan: I think you should go. 

Becky: Dylan...
Dylan: Please go. I just need to think. 

I didn't want to push him more from me, so I left. While I was driving home, I was crying. When I got home, I'm sure everyone heard me crying. I couldn't stop until 7 a.m. I could have told Rachel, but... less people know- better. Then why did I tell Dylan!? I'm so stupid.

Saturday. Micahel came into my room. 

Micahel: Morning. 
Becky: Hi. What's up?
Micahel: I just came to say bye since I'm gonna be with Susan for the next few weeks. 
Becky: You're moving in together?
Micahel: No. Her mother is sick and we have to plan a wedding, so I'm going to help. But we were thinking about buying a house. 
Becky: Good luck.

Micahel: Thanks. So, when did you get back yesterday?
Becky: I don't know... 3 a.m?
Micahel: Liar. I heard you at 7 a.m.
Becky: I'm so sorry...

He sat down next to me. 

Micahel: What's wrong?
Becky: Nothing. I was just... drinking a bit. 
Micahel: People usually don't cry after drinking. 
Becky: Looks like I do.
Micahel: For real. What happened?

What would happen if I tell him everything? If he finds out that I can read thoughts, that I fought with Dylan, that I fought with Rachel, that Jackie's not my friend anymore, that I had sex... He has his own problems- doesn't need mines. 

Becky: Everything's okay. 
Micahel: You know you can call me if you need anything. 
Becky: Thanks Micahel. See you and good luck. 
Micahel: Thanks. Bye.

He left. I'm not seeing him around much, but it's kinda sad to know that he's leaving. 

Monday. Dylan and I didn't talk the whole day. Nothing. He tried to avoid me, but it was hard since he's sitting in front of me. 

*What if she's reading my mind right now? She probably does. How to get used to something so... strange. I just have to stop thinking.*

I wanted to tell Rachel everything, but she would think that I'm crazy- like most people. The best is not to tell anyone, I think. After school, Rachel and I were in the cafe. I told her about the fight- without details. 

Rachel: So you don't talk anymore?
Becky: No. 
Rachel: Why did you fight?
Becky: It's not important. Tell me what's up with you and Will?

Rachel: Well, it's nothing serious, I think. We've been talking a lot lately and joking around, but we didn't talk about anything more than friendship. 
Becky: So nothing...
Rachel: Not really. We kissed once, but it was a dare. 
Becky: And?
Rachel: Nothing. We didn't talk about that afterward. 

Becky: So... you're friends... but you kissed. 
Rachel: Apparently. 
Becky: That's messed up. If you feel any better, things between me and Dylan aren't the best either.
Rachel: I know... God, we're so pathetic. 

Becky: No. Jackie was pathetic when she kissed Dylan. 
Rachel: Yeah, but still... 

At that moment, Dylan, Will, and Nick entered the coffee shop. Nick was taking an order and Dylan was staring at me. I felt like we're at the beginning again. Just like half a year ago. Staring, no words. Like nothing ever happened. 

They left. 

Rachel: Wow. That was weird. 
Becky: I know... it's like, I don't know. 
Rachel: Like you want something and you're something, but you're nothing at the same time. I know. Same here. 
Becky: Good thing we're okay again. No one understands this better than you. 

I'm so glad things with Rachel were okay again. Khloe and Jackie avoided us completely and I'm glad. They've been nothing but trouble. 

The next few weeks were okay. Nothing really changed. Rachel and I were spending more and more time together, she actually likes my tattoo now. Dylan and I still don't talk, but I don't want to bother him- I guess he'll tell me what did he decide.

Just a thought on that day coming closer, I was shivering. Just thinking about him telling me that things won't work, terrified me. When you add all these problems to my grades constantly dropping, you get a depressed person- me.

I was riding home from school and everything just started swarming in my head. Every single problem, just the fact that I barely see my parents... it was too much, so I started crying. The next thing I know is a bright light on my side, then darkness. After I don't know how much, pictures were forming in front of my eyes. 

It was Micahel holding me while we were kids. Then Rachel and me swinging in the park. Then our fight and her not talking to me. Then I saw Dylan, telling me he loves me. His hair was so messy and his eyes were like he's looking into me- like he's reading my mind. 

After that, I saw Dylan telling me I should go. Suddenly, I was in the darkness again. Nothing was around me. Micahel appeared in front of me. The only thing between us was that wall. I couldn't see it, but I could feel it. 

I have no idea how long the pictures were there, I just know I wanted to cry and scream, but I couldn't. I was drowning in my own head.