shadow of a doubt | d.m

50

*cough*cough* LAST CHAPTER SO BUCKLE UP. this song is so heartbreaking...

i just want to thank everyone, before you read, thank you all for being so fucking amazing, truly the support and comments, everything, is like wow. i feel so humbled about you guys and i love you all. thank you for choosing this story to read and share.. but without further adieu...

Draco's POV-

As I watched the killing spell hit her gentil figure. Not only did she leave, but my heart did as well. So fucking stupid, it's always so stupid. I had no one to blame except myself, for ever getting her involved with me, It wasn't a good decision. I knew she'd get hurt, but it almost feels as though it hurt me more.

I guess I never took time to fully understand the privilege she gave me.

The way she made me feel like I was finally living a life that was my choice. She gave me that option, the way she bit her lip when focused on a homework assignment, or the low tone of her laugh. She was living. She was living for the existence of me.

Some may say that love is overrated. Of course, I thought that too. I was in all agreeance. Love was some bullshit muggle thing, because not even my own damn parents had love. But then I finally saw her, I felt her, I understood her. And she fucking saw me.

One of the few things that I'll refuse to ever get over the fact that it took me so long to realize how much I loved the broken soul of a girl. What was hard to compensate, has now been overturned by a life I no longer want to live.

But to what I thought we had; was forever, but it really only lasted a couple moments. Because I guess I finally learned that you can't hold onto anything because nothing will last Infiniti.

As her body dropped, her heavy lashes covered her once electrifying eyes, and bright vivid dreams, I went numb. Yes, that feeling has always resonated with me, but this time I was truly crumbling.

Part of me was waiting for her to open her eyes, come back and tell me it's okay and that we'll grow up together. Spend the rest of our godridden lives, or having kids, because that was her goal. To raise a child better than she ever was. But no one will have the gift to meet her.

Not like I did.

I grew up to be called weak by the one man I thought to look up to.

But I know now, I'm not weak. I was simply; living.

The world went silent to my eternal cries for her to fucking come back to me. The pit that dropped in my stomach like a glass ball hitting the side of a wall, thrown viciously out of rage, or anger that no one could describe.

There was no will to live. Not to stay, or even relish in life.

And call me selfish. Please. I'm probably more than that single word. Because this is more than self centered. But I don't deserve this, and neither did she.

Therefore, the cease of my existence was paper thin.

My father took Devyn's body back with him, probably to discard it. A disrespect to her, and her whole life.

Everyone stayed silent. So fucking quiet. Just the ragged breathing and panicking of Parkinson, hell, I don't blame her. By now I was mentally hyperventilating.

They were shaken up by the situation they just witnessed.

But let them not forget, they let this happen. They didn't argue with her, or attempt to stop her, they just let it happen.

The train pulled roughly into the station. The bright warm lights flickering back to life, with the doors pressing the seal to open. As if everything was back to normal.

But she was fucking gone.

There was no room to speak. I couldn't even form fucking words without the lump of guilt in my throat to feel sick.

And I actually did get sick, multiple times.

I didn't eat, every piece of food made me go nauseous. Sleep wasn't kind to me either, nightmares spun around the vague hour of sleep I did get. Spending my times at the tower, reminiscing the days I spent with her. Listening to her talk about the stars, and how they guided her as a child.

There was nothing for me.

So I did what any person who had fallen in love. I tripped over and just got fucking stuck in it.

I will be with her once again.

But Devyn, please don't think I didn't try. I tried so fucking hard to keep going, to push because of your sacrifice. But you don't want me to suffer, right? Because everytime I drink, sleep, eat, breathe, I can't get you to leave my head.

Our love when it thrived was much more than a blessing, but now that you're gone, it's nothing but a curse.

So I continue...

At a young age, I stole a black, mercury death potion from my father. With all certain intentions to use it someday, because God knows I've always hated life. Drowning in self pity, mixed with loathe.

I keepsaked in the back part of my chestnut brown dresser. The smallest amount would kill any person instantly, you'd choke on your own blood, and wither from life.

But at this point, that didn't sound so bad anymore.

My feet slowly, tiredly walked to the mirror. My face was thinner, paler. Dark insomniac circles traced under my bored eyes. Not taking care of your body really does get the best of a man.

I hesitantly took a whiff of the the potion, the smell was horrid.

Plugging my nose, I took a reluctant sip. Feeling the warmth of eager death crawl down my throat. Eating away every last moment of hatred.

Soon it would be over. I regret nothing.

And it began. The metallic taste of blood spurting through my mouth. I coughed up for the next five minutes, only to finally be giving in the satisfaction to life. It won, it finally fucking beat me. I was tired of fighting.

Vision was slowly falling out. Blanking white and black. Suddenly, I couldn't breath. But holy hell, I saw her. She was there in a warm house. Her hands held out for a long missed embrace, telling me to come back to her.

It was the last moment of life I could ever provide.

This was selfish, I was always selfish.

Never the boy who lived.

Not the boy who had a choice.

Not my father's proud son.

But just a boy who loved her.

Just a boy.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I hope the first time that we meet again, we're smiling the way we once did, we love the way we always have.

Because I won't stop loving you.

All to find out, our book of life together was just filled with words that only we understood. Only we knew had true meaning, because it was our story.

It was our story, and she was my turning page.

Shadow of a doubt.

a/n - wow. that made me sad, ngl a part of me feels gone now that Draco and Dev are gone... i'm not a person who usually writes happy endings omg like for these types of ff i HATE happy endings...but who knows, maybe next book it'll be happy. we'll see HAHA okay so yes, i am WRITING ANOTHER BOOK OMG OMG SO I'LL MAKE ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE in a few minutes once I figure out the name for the book, but i hope you follow me for the next book! and thank you thank you thank you for the votes, the comments, and just the love omg. i love you all! let me know what you think in the discussion.

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