Chapter 44

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****super fun message this is my absolute favourite song rn bc just damn listen to this shit. also thank you for all the love on my first book sirius blacks daughter, I wrote that a while ago so it's definitely interesting haha. anyway I appreciate all of your comments and thoughts thank you guys****

I stood up, hugging Draco. "Thank you." He squeezed me back, "I'm so sorry." When I pulled back, he gave me a genuine smile. I made my way back to the fireplace. Both of my parents stood in the kitchen still whispering angrily at each other. "Goodbye mum." She looked at me sadly, "you don't have to go." I glared at my father, "I'm not staying here, you've given me plenty of reason enough to hate you but this tops it all." My father remained emotionless. "He knows what happened to Cedric mum." She hugged me, "everything will be okay sweetheart." I shook my head, "no it won't." I felt her place a hand on the back of my head, "you're right, I don't know what to say, there's no words." I tried to fight my tears, "he was such a good guy mum." My father turned around, avoiding my eyes. "Come back whenever you're ready, even just to visit." My mum offered. I nodded letting go, "you know when I'll come back." My father scoffed, "goodbye." I ignored him walking straight to the fireplace.

When I got back everyone sat eating supper, they were smiling and laughing with each other, which made me feel even more hurt, how could they all be so happy, they had no idea how much Cedric meant to me because they didn't know him. Their faces fell flat the second they saw me, Sirius didn't look at me, and Remus nodded, "how was your visit?" I shrugged, "Visit? Pointless. You were right is that what you wanted to hear, he still hates me?" Sirius raised his head slightly, and I scoffed, walking up to my room.

I shut the door and collapsed down on my bed, staring at the wall. I was exhausted, I hadn't eaten since the morning he died, and I was too desperate for answers I forgot what I was supposed to be focusing on. The love of my life was dead. I smiled at the picture album that lay on the ground beside my bed. I flipped through it observing the photos of me and Cedric. Each photo our smiles were genuine, and we looked so happy. I continued staring at these until I heard the door open. Fred and George came in sitting on their beds. Next came Remus, "goodnight boys." He then sat down on my bed, "goodnight Alyssa." I shut the album turning around ignoring him. I felt the blankets being lay over top of me. "Sirius still loves you, he just didn't want you going near your father, thought I'd let you know." I nodded, "guess you should tell people you love them more often then you think." He sat there for a few more minutes and eventually I felt him get up, and close the door softly.

I shut my eyes ignoring the fact that I wouldn't be getting much sleep anyway. "Hey babe." Cedric whispered shaking me awake. "You let them kill me." I sat up confused, "no... how are you here. I didn't let them. Cedric I wouldn't." He scoffed, "I trusted you.. and yet you were on your fathers side the whole time." I stared at him, "how could you say that?" He shook his head, "you were there, you let them kill me." I reached out to touch him shocked when he pulled away, "no Cedric.. I loved you. We had everything planned. I wouldn't let them." He shoved me back hard, "you deserve to die." I was shaking, "who killed you?" He laughed, "your father, don't you remember? You basically begged him to do it." I squeezed my eyes, "please believe me Ced. Let me hug you one last time." He stepped back, "I don't want you or your family anywhere near me." Tears were streaming down my face, and I was in shock. "Don't say that." He started walking away, "you made me trust you, made me fall in love with you."

I sat up shaking uncontrollably, I was gasping for air trying to breathe between my sobs. Sirius was right because now instead of feeling nothing I felt everything. I threw off my blankets and left the room, I wanted to get water or do something to distract myself but I was too shaky to go downstairs.

Without thinking I pushed open Remus and Siriuss door. They were both asleep, and I tried to muffle my sobs with my sweater. I stood in front of Remus unsure of what to say, I just needed someone. His eyes flickered open and he flinched. "Alyssa," he whispered. "Oh Alyssa." He said seeing my face. I put my head down on the mattress crying into the blanket. I felt him rubbing my back. "Why?" I cried. "Why did they take him from me Remus?" I felt the bed shake, Sirius was now awake. His face was in pure shock at the sight of me which made my cry louder. Remus sat up, "I want him back," I said between gasps for air. Remus outstretched his arms pulling me onto the bed between them. I collapsed down onto his shoulder crying. "I know you do Alyssa." Sirius wrapped his arm around my shoulder setting his chin on my head. I felt safe with the two of them, but that dream was haunting me. "How could they kill him?"

Sirius wasn't saying much, just sitting there, and Remus was trying to wipe my tears, but I couldn't stop them. "I want you to tell me. Who killed him?" When neither answered I lay my head down in defeat. "Why are you not answering?" I sniffled, "I know where it happened I just need a who." Sirius sighed, "no you need to stop focusing on getting back at that person, because it's not going to happen." I turned towards him, "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU KNOW WHAT HE MEANT TO ME." He ripped my wand away, "you're done, it's over." I tried to fight for my wand back, I was flailing my arms angrily, and I was desperate. "You can hit me all you want Alyssa. That is NOT going to change the fact that he's dead. Nothing is." I didn't stop, and he was sitting there trying to hold me back, "I'm not going to hurt you, I know that's what you want. You can't punish yourself for what happened, and I sure as hell am not going to." I pulled away falling onto Remus, he started rubbing my back again, "you're going to feel better, it all takes time." I wanted to fight them but I didn't have the energy I was just sad, and tired. "I don't think I will."

Sirius sighed, "I'm sorry for talking to you like that." I refused to answer him, I wasn't mad at him, but I needed someone to be angry with. "I'm not sorry for hitting you." Remus pushed my hair back, "yes you are." Instead of answering I closed my eyes laying down, my head was still on Remus's shoulder, I was too scared to let him go, I didn't want Cedric to come back, because whoever that was in my dream was not Cedric.

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