Dark Paradise - Joel Miller x OC

I won't let you freeze

Mist escapes from his mouth even though he's inside. The night is freezing, he thinks he has never known one so cold since being here. Despite all the comforts this house brings, it lacks central heating. He decides to go downstairs, hoping a hot drink could warm him up a bit. He has barely left his room when he hears a thud followed by many curses.

In the living room, Chloe is fighting with the fireplace. She tries to make a fire but can't seem to fix the logs which keep falling apart. She loses patience, her fingers are numb with cold. She feels like any minute her whole body will come to a stop, petrified, and that she will remain its prisoner until death follows.

"I think housewives in the 50's knew how to make a fire.

- Seriously Joel, I'm freezing to death and you want to pick on me? Do you have any idea of how many layers of clothes I'm wearing right now?"

He approaches silently, taking the logs out of her hand to make a fire worthy of the name.

"Go fetch your duvet and mine. And pillows.

- Why?

- We'll be sleeping here. You're annoying but I don't want you to die."

She does so without protesting. When she comes down with her hands loaded with the sheets, the fire starts to catch on and Joel is pulling the couch and his chair closer to the fireplace. That way they won't get cold and maybe get some rest. She helps him push off the couch before collapsing on it, admiring the fire.

"You sure you're ok with sleeping in the chair?

- Yeah, that's mine, don't you think I'll let it to you like that.

- Ok old man, don't complain about your back tomorrow morning."

He chuckles and they settle in this makeshift camp. She lets the warmth of the flames gently caress her face. This moment takes her years back. Memories so distant that they seem to never have really existed.

"It reminds me the QZ. We only had one room, badly insulated. So in winter months my dad would make a fire in a sort of dumpster and we would stay all three hugged together on one mattress, covered with all the clothes we could find. He was leaving us to work and would come back to find us at the exact same spot."

He just smiles at this image. He too remembers the cold in Boston, in this sad and gray QZ. All the imagination it took to stay warm and dry. Tess. His heart twitches. It had been a long time since he had thought of her. He pushes her face out of his mind and leans in to grab the bottle he had put down near his chair while Chloe was still upstairs. He hands her a drink before using one.

"You never told me what happened to your dad.

- Dead. Like all the others. He was often working outside the QZ. First, he had been selected and had no choice, but he ended up volunteering whenever he could. He was convinced it would give us a better life, all because sometimes he managed to glean a few more tickets, or because they let him come back with something he found outside."

She gave a faint smile, remembering a teddy bear he once brought her, proud of himself. She takes a sip of whiskey before resuming.

"But off course, it wasn't a safe job, and one day he didn't come back. We didn't even get to see his body, so I bet he has been bitten and shot on sight.

- How old were you?

- Around 10 I believe. It destroyed my mother. She just gave up after that."

She sees her mother again, lying all day facing the wall, refusing to answer or move, only giving in when her daughter threatened to leave the apartment. The adult woman had always been reluctant to go out, but now she was terrified. They had to do it though, otherwise they would starve to death. So Chloe would wait for her mother to fall asleep, exhausted by tears, to take their ration tickets and slip out of the house to collect food. At first, she would never waste time, never stopping to talk to anyone. She was too worried about what might happen to her if she did, her mother's fears having rubbed off on her. Then she began to realize that not that dangerous, as long as you are careful.

Turning to Joel, she watches the reflection of the flames playing on his face. He seems lost in his own memories. She wants to take advantage of this intimacy forced by the cold to learn more about him.

"How was your dad?

- My dad... My dad was just the classic Texan guy. But you probably don't know what that means.

- No clue.

- Well, let's say he was very straight. He was a rock, we would never talk about his feelings or his desires. The only way to have a little deeper conversation was to talk about sports. I guess he was a good man, but he wasn't much around, spending his time trying to provide for his family. But from time to time, he would take Tommy and I fishing, or to a baseball game. It was nice.

- How did he react when you told him you were to be dad?

- Ah. Not the best moment in my life I must say. He was old fashion, you know. So when I announced him I got my girlfriend pregnant, he remained silent for what felt forever. Then he told me only one thing, with a cold anger. He said that I was better to be a man and marry the girl, because that was the only acceptable way. Happiness or love wasn't much a priority. Doing the right thing, the respectful thing, was. You make a mistake, you act like a man and take responsibility."

He stops and frowns, as if reflecting on what he just said.

"But truth be told, Sarah never felt like a mistake. Off course I freaked out at first, I was just a kid. But when I hold her for the first time in my arms, I just knew. It was the right thing to do. She'd be my life. It hasn't been easy, especially with her mom. But I never regretted having her. Not once."

He turns to her, his eyes staring into hers. She hadn't taken her gaze of the man once as he told her about his past. She had break down every expression, every squint as he spoke of his little girl. He speaks more quietly now.

"I understand your father you know. When you have a child, you would do anything to give him the best, whatever the sacrifices.

- I know. I just sometimes wish he hadn't."

He would have protect me from all that.

They continue to chat much of the night. He tells her about his life before, about the silly things he and Tommy did, their travels. About Sarah too, a little. Only fatigue prevents them from continuing until sunrise. Without really realizing it, the two of them dozed off, sated with each other's stories.

---------

Light knocks wake him up the next day. He overslept, it seems. At the door is Tommy, who comes to see if everything is going well for them after that historically cold night for Jackson. Joel motions for him to stay quiet as they walked past the living room where Chloe is still sleeping. He especially doesn't want to wake her from sleep. He has rarely seen her so peaceful, he would hate himself for breaking it.

"You slept in the living room?

-Had to, bedrooms were way to cold."

Turning on the water to heat, Joel rubs the back of his neck, sore from sleeping in the chair. A gesture that does not escape his brother.

"You're ok?

- Yeah. I ain't 20 no more baby brother."

Tommy laughs softly as he takes the mug his brother hands him. They remain a few minutes in a comfortable silence, before the youngest point his head towards the living room. Although she hasn't been living with him for a couple of months now, he still cares deeply about her well-being.

"How's she doing?

- Better, truly. She still has those awful nightmares, but they seem to be spacing out now.

- So, what do you think?

- About your idea? Yeah, I think she's ready."

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I miss having a fireplace so much. My dream house has one and a big big kitchen.

I've been trying and trying to write about her father so her relation to Joel wouldn't be a consequence of her father death, but I think I'm failing. Let's all sink into daddy issues, I don't even care anymore.

Photo by Josh Felise on Unsplash